topic Re: Can You Rely On You in Community Chat

Can You Rely On You

Jordan2 — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 00:05:52 GMT

Maybe it's the end of the year, I reflect on the past and have a sense of melancholy. I was the baby of the family and was treated as such, I didn't mind, I liked it. But it didn't serve me well as I got older, I never had to rely on myself, I had someone to fall back on. I had the best big brother, he looked out for me as much as he could. I was never good with computers, anytime I had a problem he helped me out. It was only after he died, I had no choice but to figure things out on my own. I surprised myself finding out I could solve my own problems ( it may take me longer than others but I get there). About 2 weeks ago I got a flat tire ( never had one before), I pulled over into a parking lot. Now in the past I would have called my brother-in-law but I don't ask him for anything anymore and decided I needed to handle this myself. I called AAA and waited in the rain and cold for an hour for the tow truck. He put the donut on and I went to a shop and bought a new tire. This may not be a big deal to most, but I was proud of myself for handling it myself. What I'm trying to say is I now know I am the only one I can rely on. I remember my mom use to say to me "you'll always be my baby no matter how old you are", mom maybe your baby is finally an adult.

Re: Can You Rely On You

On It — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 00:09:54 GMT

@Jordan2 Good for you! I hope you continue to enjoy your sense of independence and competence in handling whatever life throws at you.

Re: Can You Rely On You

gidgetgh — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 00:11:49 GMT

I definitely rely on myself. I don't really have another choice but I have always been pretty self-sufficient.

I've always been independent. I didn't get married until I was 35 and then became a widow at 64. I'm smart, have good common sense and am a calm problem solver.

Good for you @Jordan2 for getting that tire taken care of. You gave yourself the tools (AAA membership and pulled into a parking lot) and got the job done.

Re: Can You Rely On You

qvcfreak — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 00:15:28 GMT

Yes, I'm very self sufficient. Mom and Dad raised us all the same. We were all taught to cook, clean, do yard work and have a job. Dad made sure we could fix a flat tire. We were raised never to depend on anyone else.

Re: Can You Rely On You

AuntG — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 00:13:02 GMT

I am the baby too. In some ways it benefited me, but I generally have more trust/faith in my own decisions compared to the older kids.

Re: Can You Rely On You

homedecor1 — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 00:31:35 GMT

Yes our parents raised us to be very independent. My father was a contractor and could fix or do anything. I loved going to job sites as a kid and I'm extremely independent.

I could never rely on my spouse for anything. I take care of everything day to day. Only thing I don't do is heavy outside work( I hire someone). His life was his job and days I sit here & think "I'm even taking care of all his needs"now that he's partially diisabled.

I enjoy being independent and I'm the middle child. Funny story, I remember as a little girl crying over something I couldn't do but they let me get frustrated & cry but I figured it out. I'm thankful for those moments🙂

Re: Can You Rely On You

Desert Lily — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 00:34:33 GMT

I've relied on myself for decades, especially as a single mom.

But when my child went to an ivy league college on the East coast & I was left on the West coast at my job, I had real anxiety attacks. Of course I was the one who had taken care of my child, the dogs, the house, the cars, my job, my elderly parents, etc., but I never realized I was doing it on my own until there was no one else there that I was doing it for.

Re: Can You Rely On You

haddon9 — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 00:48:01 GMT

I've had a flat tire twice. The first time I was on 295 on my way to community college in 1973. I was 19. Of course we had no cell phones then and I pulled over wondering what I should do.

Fortunately for me a police car pulled up within minutes to help and called for a tow truck. I was also fortunate that I had cash on me to buy books....it was before I had a credit card. I usually only had a few dollars on me back then.

The second time it was at home and we were able to call triple A.

I honestly don't know what I would have done in the first scenario if the police had not pulled up. I probably would have started walking off the road to find a service station.

It feels good to solve a problem on our own but we often need help to do so. I know how to change a flat but it doesn't mean I'm able to do it!

Good for you doing something without family to help! I used to feel that way about flying somewhere on my own but got used to it over te years when going to visit my mother on my own to Florida.

Re: Can You Rely On You

Trailrun23 — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 01:07:49 GMT

Am so glad you know to have a AAA membership. Sometimes we are amazed at what we can do when we must rely on ourselves. Good for you in taking the "bull by the horns" and getting your new tire!

Re: Can You Rely On You

Icegoddess — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 01:16:48 GMT

My father made sure we knew how to change a tire and parallel park before we got our driver's licenses. However, today many of those pro tools for screwing the lugs on make them so tight I probably couldn't lossen them. I don't have a donut, so the question is also whether I can actually lift the full size Jeep tire to put it on. Luckily, I do have AAA membership and did have to use it recently when my car just stopped running as I was driving down the road. My husband thought I had more than likely run out of gas, but it turned out to be a computer module.

I really like watching construction work and Homestead Rescue. I really hate that I didn't learn those skills growing up. I would love to be able to do minor build projects. I can lay tile though and do a beautiful caulking job. My husband's caulking is the messiest thing I've ever seen.

Re: Can You Rely On You

Goodie2shoes — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 01:22:45 GMT

I am the oldest of 10 and my mom and dad divorced when we were teens. My mom raised us and me being the oldest had to run the household while my mom worked and somedays she worked a 16 hr shift as a nurse. She was my inspiration for me also becoming a nurse. I learned how to run the household which made me very independent and able to rely on myself.

After breaking up with my childrens dad, I bought my own home (he was very surprised and thought I would not be able to purchase a home by myself) I fooled him and didn't tell him until after I had signed the loan papers !! So yes ! I rely on myself to handle my business and I taught my children to do the same.

Re: Can You Rely On You

cindyNC — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 02:22:22 GMT

@Jordan2 Good for you. It's never too late, but it can be a real struggle at times to work through problems on our own.

Re: Can You Rely On You

Trailrun23 — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 04:01:22 GMT

Anyone who has been a single mom knows that relying on yourself goes with the territory. That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

Re: Can You Rely On You

Desertdi — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 05:14:39 GMT

SURVIVAL....is an instinct

Re: Can You Rely On You

Snowpuppy — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 06:42:52 GMT

For the OP, since your BIL has treated you badly of late, take a victory lap around his neighborhood and give him a proper 'salute' from your car 😉

Re: Can You Rely On You

hckynutjohn — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 07:12:50 GMT

@Jordan2 wrote:
Maybe it's the end of the year, I reflect on the past and have a sense of melancholy. I was the baby of the family and was treated as such, I didn't mind, I liked it. But it didn't serve me well as I got older, I never had to rely on myself, I had someone to fall back on. I had the best big brother, he looked out for me as much as he could. I was never good with computers, anytime I had a problem he helped me out. It was only after he died, I had no choice but to figure things out on my own. I surprised myself finding out I could solve my own problems ( it may take me longer than others but I get there). About 2 weeks ago I got a flat tire ( never had one before), I pulled over into a parking lot. Now in the past I would have called my brother-in-law but I don't ask him for anything anymore and decided I needed to handle this myself. I called AAA and waited in the rain and cold for an hour for the tow truck. He put the donut on and I went to a shop and bought a new tire. This may not be a big deal to most, but I was proud of myself for handling it myself. What I'm trying to say is I now know I am the only one I can rely on. I remember my mom use to say to me "you'll always be my baby no matter how old you are", mom maybe your baby is finally an adult.

@Jordan2

Like you, I was the baby of the family. No brother, but 3 older sisters. All of us were raised by only our mother. At very young ages we were all taught to be independent.

I learned how to use the old style Maytag Washing Machine, with a "wringer" built on the top of it. I learned how to Iron, back then we even ironed our Jean's. My mom taught me how to cook certain types of food/baking/frying/deep frying in saucepans.

Didn't mow grass because in the Public Housing Projects there was little grass, and it was mowed by maintenance workers. Did shovel snow off our very small 2 porches. Borrowed shovel from 1 neighbor that owned one.

Can I rely on me? Absolutely, I have done so almost all of my life. To me it's unfortunate that so many were/are dependent on others, even in some of the simple aspects in life.

hckynut 🇺🇸

Re: Can You Rely On You

phoenixbrd — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 12:05:50 GMT

Being dependent because you need to be and have no choice is this matter is one thing, being dependent because you can and want to be is another! I was raised to be independent... in a family that cultivated self reliance. My mother was ahead of her time.

Re: Can You Rely On You

Harpa — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 12:58:51 GMT

I am my mother's daughter (the baby)! She was fiercely independent. There really are only a few times that I was actually babied. Which is good!

Sometimes I can rely on myself for breaking things and rely on my DH to fix them. He's just so good at those things!

For us, it's more like we appreciate each other's talents. For the most part for every day things, I'd rather do them myself.

Re: Can You Rely On You

LindaSal — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 14:45:12 GMT

@homedecor1 I am also the middle child and I think we are just naturally self reliant. You have the older sibling (the boss) and the younger sibling (the baby) and you are left to hold your own. I'm okay with it, I feel it taught me how to take care of myself. Though I am blessed with a great DH and have become a bit spoiled, I will admit

Re: Can You Rely On You

Imaoldhippie — Sat, 31 Dec 2022 15:18:08 GMT

@Jordan2 ...............Congrats and good for you! I was/am just the opposite. Learned at an early age I could not count on anyone. To this day I dont rely on my hubby out of habit, not because he is unreliable, its a habit for me of 50 plus years.