topic Re: That Time Of Year in Community Chat

That Time Of Year

Jordan2 — Fri, 16 Dec 2022 02:43:12 GMT

Well, it's the time of year again which I find difficult to get through, being alone for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve. My mother will be gone three years in January, I still miss her terribly and still feel her loss. I have a sister who lives 5 minutes away from me, I last saw her in September. She has single grown children that I never see or hear from. If you are alone for the holidays as I am, just know I'll be thinking of you and I'll check in.

Re: That Time Of Year

deepwaterdotter — Fri, 16 Dec 2022 02:56:57 GMT

Have you reached out to your sister requesting more frequent visits?

Re: That Time Of Year

Goodie2shoes — Fri, 16 Dec 2022 02:57:57 GMT

order you a nice dinner, find a good movie to watch and enjoy the day. Shop online or find something you enjoy doing. I know the feeling of losing a mother so my heart goes out to you but I'm sure she's enjoying her time with the angels. God Bless

Re: That Time Of Year

Snowpuppy — Fri, 16 Dec 2022 03:05:18 GMT

So I will ask this of you and others who share this experience, what would your departed love ones ask of you?

Would they ask you to be filled with sorrow and in front of your tv all day? Or would they ask you to find some happiness? Cook a decent meal for yourself?

Volunteer at a soup kitchen, take a wreath or flowers to the cemetary. Take a hot meal to someone who can't get out.

Drop off canned goods at a food pantry, pet food at a shelter. Drop change in a red kettle in memory of someone.

Pay it forward in a drive thru and buy the car behind you a meal.

I do and have done all of this and more in memory of someone I love. 🥰

Re: That Time Of Year

Nancy Drew — Fri, 16 Dec 2022 03:19:11 GMT

You have to build a social life all year to have people in your life at holidays. It can be hard but getting out there is worth it. Volunteering, church, walking the neighborhood, joining your political party local, inviting other lonely people over. A year from now can be a different story.

Re: That Time Of Year

Jordan2 — Fri, 16 Dec 2022 03:17:37 GMT

@deepwaterdotter wrote:
Have you reached out to your sister requesting more frequent visits?

@deepwaterdotter we have never been close. I think she is fine with the status quo. I think my mother knowing I would be alone when she passed ( I took care of her) asked her to check in on me. I don't want her to feel obligated because she made a promise to my mother.

Re: That Time Of Year

Chopsmom — Fri, 16 Dec 2022 03:23:46 GMT

@Goodie2shoes wrote:
order you a nice dinner, find a good movie to watch and enjoy the day. Shop online or find something you enjoy doing. I know the feeling of losing a mother so my heart goes out to you but I'm sure she's enjoying her time with the angels. God Bless

Beautiful post!

Re: That Time Of Year

JFD12 — Fri, 16 Dec 2022 03:39:36 GMT

@Jordan2 If my mom and Dad were here, they would make sure that you were not alone! They would have gladly taken you in, amongst the whole rowdy crew that they already had! (yes, that's us! Lol) Come to MA... you will gladly be welcomed here with me and my huge, crazy family! ❤️

And I am very, very sorry on the loss of your sweet mom! ❤️

Re: That Time Of Year

Foxxee — Fri, 16 Dec 2022 03:46:02 GMT

I'm not alone, but I do see this differently than others.

These holidays are not the same without family. Being with friends or neighbors is not the same and can be even more lonely than spending the day at home alone.

Do you have a dog or cat to keep you company? They can make a world of difference. Of course, they are family, so make a dinner for yourself, treat them with what they can eat that you made.

This is a lonely time and some people are who do have family. Remembering parents who have died is tough. If ever I'm in your position, I'm going to invite them. Turn on the TV to their favorite programs and pretend...hope they came.

Re: That Time Of Year

AngelPuppy1 — Fri, 16 Dec 2022 11:13:50 GMT

@Jordan2

Holidays are not the easiest thing to get through. I can certainly understand your feelings. There is basically just DH and I and I am grateful for him, or I'd be totally on my own. I lost my mother a few years ago and she was truly the glue that held us all together. After her passing, everything just kind of went to pieces. We didn't have a big family to begin with and there were quite often issues and hard feelings between family members, but my mother managed somehow to keep us all going. I won't go into personal details but just will say that the Christmas times we used to know and enjoy as a family are all gone now. I do wish you the best and hope that you can find some things over the holiday season to bring you some happiness.

Re: That Time Of Year

Jordan2 — Fri, 16 Dec 2022 11:54:58 GMT

OP here, thank you all for the kind words. Even though we don't know each other I feel we are kind of friends. I don't have a dog or cat ( not a cat person but I love dogs), I live in an apartment that doesn't allow pets.

Re: That Time Of Year

Zhills — Fri, 16 Dec 2022 21:39:11 GMT

@deepwaterdotter wrote:
Have you reached out to your sister requesting more frequent visits?

Do you have any idea how much it hurts when you do ask and it is not reciprocated?? (for whatever reason)

True, lots of people have lost loved ones by death, but they are also lost by other means. Grief is not easy!

I do agree...do something special for yourself that you will enjoy...dinner, movie, TV, book, anything but something!

Re: That Time Of Year

Roscoe the Rascal — Fri, 16 Dec 2022 22:47:20 GMT

@Jordan2 wrote:
OP here, thank you all for the kind words. Even though we don't know each other I feel we are kind of friends. I don't have a dog or cat ( not a cat person but I love dogs), I live in an apartment that doesn't allow pets.

I am not alone on the holidays but sometimes I feel lonely because I miss those who are no longer with us. Lost my sister a couple December's ago and miss her this time of year. We would talk and she would come over Christmas Eve. I miss talking to her. Today I really felt it.

Just have to find the things that helps you make it through. Holidays are never easy.

Re: That Time Of Year

Trailrun23 — Sat, 17 Dec 2022 02:34:12 GMT

My mother passed away 12 years ago. I miss her like it was yesterday. We will always miss our mothers since there is a space in our heart only a mother can fill. I agree that spending a holiday with people you don't know well is not the same as family since you don't have the memories to share and to reminisce about times growing up, etc. my grandmother's birthday was Christmas Day. We always made sure to have a birthday cake for our dessert that day so she would not feel her birthday had been forgotten. It is a wonderful tradition for us.
I understand how difficult it must be to have a sister so close by and rarely have contact.I hope you will check in and spend the day doing something social for yourself, even if it is just staying warm and cozy watching movies.....bless you.

Re: That Time Of Year

chrystaltree — Sat, 17 Dec 2022 05:01:49 GMT

Maybe your New Year's resolution should be that reach out to your sister and try to repair the rift. If you want to be part of a family. Otherwise make a Christmas for yourself. Put on a pretty outfit, make a nice dinner, bake some cookies. Watch Christmas movies.

Re: That Time Of Year

occasionalrain — Sat, 17 Dec 2022 05:07:01 GMT

@AngelPuppy1

You're right about holidays never being the same or as joyful once your parents are gone. Holidays were always celebrated with family in my childhood home. Nothing, not friends or neighbors, can replace those holidays. It's a challenge to remain in the Christmas spirit and not feel overwhelmed by the loss of what once was and can never be again.

Re: That Time Of Year

FancyPhillyshopper — Sat, 17 Dec 2022 06:59:02 GMT

I feel very sad when I read many of these "lonely" comments.

I understand it is difficult to lose family and see previous activities disappear, but most of us are now of the age where we are supposed to be the ones who make the traditions and carry them forward for the younger generations.

I have so many wonderful memories of the holidays with my grandparents, and then my in-laws and parents, and now with my siblings. Yes, the celebrations are different, but we are still recognizing the spirit of the season.

I do not mourn what is past, but rather celebrate the joy and special memories I have collected over time. People will always come and go in our lives (pets, too), so it is important to enjoy the present as much as possible as we all only have one short life.

There are so many ways to do good during the holiday season: "adopt" a needy family, answer a child's Santa letter, volunteer at a soup kitchen, a local library, visit seniors in a nursing home, visit children in a hospital, join a church choir, spend time with adoptable pets in a local animal shelter, and so forth.

If you have a little money, plan a trip to somewhere interesting, even if it is just to see the Nutcracker ballet or drive through a light display. And if you do not get invited anywhere, invite others to your home and be the hostess!

I agree with Ralph Waldo Emerson--"The only way to have a friend is to be one." I sometimes think the same for family-- to have them be closer, we must take the first step and reach out to them and do things for them, rather than always putting ourselves first.

I wish all the best, with hopes for a joyous, reflective, rejuvenating, and relaxing holiday season.

Re: That Time Of Year

gidgetgh — Sat, 17 Dec 2022 09:03:49 GMT

@FancyPhillyshopper wrote:

I feel very sad when I read many of these "lonely" comments.

I understand it is difficult to lose family and see previous activities disappear, but most of us are now of the age where we are supposed to be the ones who make the traditions and carry them forward for the younger generations.

I have so many wonderful memories of the holidays with my grandparents, and then my in-laws and parents, and now with my siblings. Yes, the celebrations are different, but we are still recognizing the spirit of the season.

I do not mourn what is past, but rather celebrate the joy and special memories I have collected over time. People will always come and go in our lives (pets, too), so it is important to enjoy the present as much as possible as we all only have one short life.

There are so many ways to do good during the holiday season: "adopt" a needy family, answer a child's Santa letter, volunteer at a soup kitchen, a local library, visit seniors in a nursing home, visit children in a hospital, join a church choir, spend time with adoptable pets in a local animal shelter, and so forth.

If you have a little money, plan a trip to somewhere interesting, even if it is just to see the Nutcracker ballet or drive through a light display. And if you do not get invited anywhere, invite others to your home and be the hostess!

I agree with Ralph Waldo Emerson--"The only way to have a friend is to be one." I sometimes think the same for family-- to have them be closer, we must take the first step and reach out to them and do things for them, rather than always putting ourselves first.

I wish all the best, with hopes for a joyous, reflective, rejuvenating, and relaxing holiday season.

@FancyPhillyshopper - respectfully, sometimes it just isn't this "easy". I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me at all, but I spent Thanksgiving totally alone. My sister wasn't doing Thanksgiving this year as 2 of her 3 children, who are out of state, weren't coming home. I had no other friends invite me to their houses. I didn't know anyone else alone who I could invite to mine.

I used Thanksgiving to pay a hefty natural gas bill for someone through a local charity. Their gas had been turned off. I was happy that I could do that, but joy from that is really short lived to be honest. I paid another gas bill again a few days ago through the same charity as we have some really cold weather moving in next week and I can't stand for anyone to be cold. Again, so thankful that I could do that, but the joy you receive from doing that doesn't carry you through the entire season to be blatantly blunt.

Children's hospitals here have just recently begun allowing both parents to be with their children, let alone total strangers showing up with Covid season, flu season and RSV in full swing. Same with nursing homes. I don't know about where you live, but that isn't encouraged here, or allowed.

Again, I was totally alone. And acutely aware that after years and years of having a family filled holiday, that I was alone. I do just about everything alone and it stinks to be honest. No way am I driving to downtown Atlanta to see the Nutcracker alone. I went to a Christmas music program at my church last Sunday. I really enjoyed the music, but I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb.

Thanksgiving, I obviously made myself something to eat, played on my iPad and watched Hallmark movies and called a friend in Florida to visit, but that is no different than my everyday life. Thanksgiving was not a "special" day and while I wasn't particularly sad, I was glad when it was over. Because you feel so odd that you are not celebrating the day like many others are.

Since the loss of my parents and my husband, my life has become very "small" and while I'm working to hopefully change that, it just isn't as easy sometimes as others would like to suggest that it is.

I am thankful every single day of my life that I am alive and reasonably healthy and can help others, but I still mourn, yes mourn, the way it used to be and will never be again. Not wallowing at all, just stating fact.

The holidays for some, and I suspect many, are not the joyous, rejuvenating times that they are for others. It just is what it is. Again, so thankful for my life, but it's definitely different than it used to be and I will feel more joyous and rejuvenated once January 2nd gets here, and I mean that seriously. Then, the holidays are finally over and I look forward to spring and warm weather and flowers blooming,

Re: That Time Of Year

Jordan2 — Sat, 17 Dec 2022 13:50:46 GMT

@gidgetgh You are truly a special person, generous, compassionate, glass full kind of gal. I hope the New Year brings you much happiness and good health. There will be a special place in heaven for you.

Re: That Time Of Year

haddon9 — Sat, 17 Dec 2022 13:58:43 GMT

@Nancy Drew wrote:
You have to build a social life all year to have people in your life at holidays. It can be hard but getting out there is worth it. Volunteering, church, walking the neighborhood, joining your political party local, inviting other lonely people over. A year from now can be a different story.

While I'm not alone, I had a need to try & meet new people and make some new friends. I have old friends that I get together with but it had been such a long time since I actually made some new friends.

Once you get to be older and are still living in the old neighborhood it gets much harder.

So I took an art class starting last January and I take it on an ongoing schedule. I have met some wonderful women who I enjoy being around once a week and have made a couple of friends that I get together with outside of class.

The point is, if one is physically able to one should try to make some new connections if you feel a need. There are so many different ways to do so.