topic Re: Holidays in Community Chat

Holidays

bargainsgirl — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 00:46:46 GMT

I just turned 69. I have 3 grown children and 2 young grandchildren. For the last few years the holidays are becoming a real chore for me and are not so fun except for the little kids. I usually host thanksgiving and my daughter hosts xmass day. Xmass eve is usually iffy...There are a few blended families involved which complictes things and is stressful for me. I prefer to keep things small. Maybe its just me or does anyone else feel this way? I know some go all out for the holidays but I am so over that. I did my part when my kids were small. I am not bah humbug I have just "downsized" my holiday spirit!!

Re: Holidays

Malcontent — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 00:59:28 GMT

@bargainsgirl

Firstly: a belated 69th Happy Birthday.

Secondly: do what YOU are comfortable with. Let the young folks manage the holidays.

Re: Holidays

Meowingkitty — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 01:04:07 GMT

It's just my husband and me and we keep things simple. 1 tree and a few decorations. We go out for a nice dinner. Stopped buying gifts years ago. Little to no baking. Maybe a few loaves of pumpkin bread and 1 type of cookie. If there's a good movie out on Christmas Day we might take it in.

Re: Holidays

Love my grandkids — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 01:08:50 GMT

@bargainsgirl Tell your family that you are not up to what you've done in the past and are downsizing. Then do it. They'll figure out something.

Re: Holidays

RedTop — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 01:30:58 GMT

Make whatever decision you need to make, to have a less stressful holiday.

My MIL forced her adult children into a command Christmas performance for over 30 years. The year she died, we ate together on Christmas Eve and everyone made the decision to do their own family celebration.

We live 6 miles from each other and have contact throughout the year; we can do our own thing for holidays.

Re: Holidays

sweetee2 — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 01:34:52 GMT

You read my mind. I'm 67 and I've been thinking this for a few years now. We have all the Holidays here. I cook all the meals, all the decor, setting the table with China and all that intel's. Buy all the Christmas gifts for 9 people. Just talking about it makes me tired, BUT they throughly enjoy it. Food is wounderful, big smiles by all, 9 pies for Thanksgiving. Everyone gathered around the table wondering which pie to try. Everyone gathered in the frontroom opening Christmas gifts laughing eating Quiche and Jimmy the Baker cinnamon rolls. Life couldn't get much better. It's all about making memories because once were gone were gone.

Re: Holidays

justashopper — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 01:35:57 GMT

We always have low key holidays. it's a day off and day to relax and enjoy time together. We'll have a bigger than usual meal- ham or turkey or roast, some baked goods (baked or bought). So it's not bah - humbug or anything, but if you aren't up for a big sha-bang, then don't do it.

A few years ago I said to my sister-- let's not exchange this year for xmas or if you already got me something, let's make this the last year. She was happy to stop the exchange. No hard feelings.

I think to be honest and give fair notice is more than considerate enough if you aren't into it anymore. Traditions change and pass on to the next generation.... If they don't want a big to-do, then so be it. Get together with a bucket of chicken and a store bought cake and call it a day.

Re: Holidays

wagirl — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 02:38:14 GMT

yes--I am over these holidays and all that entails. I now do a few side dishes and go to my brothers house. Have 2 grown kids and no grandchildren. I live in a tiny apartment that can't hold many people. Don't feel like a Scrooge at all. And turned 68 in June.

Re: Holidays

homedecor1 — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 02:45:45 GMT

I'm not with my family since it's expensive & impossible for all of them to come. I enjoy the memories made for many years and it's wonderful to Skype with them.

I'm no longer getting sad over the holidays and enjoying the day for what it is -- we don't gift other than our adult children, great niece& nephew who are under 3 and our GD.

I will decorate, host a luncheon for my few friends during the season and of course, cook for us or whoever wants to join us. Many of our friends have lost a spouse this year so I'll extend invite to them. Preparing & entertaining is something I enjoy so It will be a nice day.

Re: Holidays

BlueFinch — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 06:35:14 GMT

Oh, @bargainsgirl , it sounds like time to pass the torch. I totally get how you are burned out with the complicated preparations and planning and would prefer something low key. Speak up and make your desires clear.

I usually have TG with friends and we all bring a dish, so it's relaxed and easy. But for Christmas, I prefer to be alone, delivering gifts before the holiday.

When DH was alive, we had large gatherings, now I prefer to have the day for peaceful reflection. A time to focus on the meaning of the day. I love my solitary, stress free, Christmas.

Re: Holidays

Tinkrbl44 — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 08:58:49 GMT

@bargainsgirl wrote:
I just turned 69. I have 3 grown children and 2 young grandchildren. For the last few years the holidays are becoming a real chore for me and are not so fun except for the little kids. I usually host thanksgiving and my daughter hosts xmass day. Xmass eve is usually iffy...There are a few blended families involved which complictes things and is stressful for me. I prefer to keep things small. Maybe its just me or does anyone else feel this way? I know some go all out for the holidays but I am so over that. I did my part when my kids were small. I am not bah humbug I have just "downsized" my holiday spirit!!

@bargainsgirl

Happy Birthday .... and figure out what you would like to change. Announce things are changing.

You don't say how many people are involved, but you can turn your dinner into a buffet and everyone bring something "potluck" .... you assign what they should bring.

OR ........ if you prefer to pass on cooking completely, NOW is the time to announce that, so others can figure out what makes sense at this point.

Let us know what you decide.

Re: Holidays

panda1234 — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 11:56:45 GMT

@RedTop wrote:
Make whatever decision you need to make, to have a less stressful holiday.

My MIL forced her adult children into a command Christmas performance for over 30 years. The year she died, we ate together on Christmas Eve and everyone made the decision to do their own family celebration.

We live 6 miles from each other and have contact throughout the year; we can do our own thing for holidays.

@RedTop So funny that I have to comment. We had that same "command performance" with my in laws. It can also be known as forced fun. After my MIL passed we were on our own.

Re: Holidays

gidgetgh — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 11:57:52 GMT

This Thanksgiving, for the first time in my 67 years, I will be totally alone. That will certainly be an adjustment.

My sisters 2 sons are not able to come home this year so my sister isn't doing Thanksgiving and I can understand that. My family is very small so that takes care of that.

Re: Holidays

AuntG — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 12:13:30 GMT

Scaling back by this time in your life does not make you a Scrooge. As other posters shared what they plan to do, I thought it makes perfect sense to scale back yet still celebrate a bit. I'll make only two Christmas candies, cook a modest meal with just one pie and buy a few practical gifts. So far, my husband is getting walking shoes, a robe, slippers and Alberti's pretzel box. I really want a new vacuum cleaner but he doesn't want to be the husband who gives that as a gift!

Re: Holidays

Eileen in Virginia — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 13:40:00 GMT

I'm going to turn 69 next month and I can relate. I don't have the patience I used to have. I HATE hosting holiday meals, partly because I have a galley kitchen with a wall oven that just fits a 20+ pound turkey - no sides. Besides that, there isn't much counter/prep space, so it can get pretty hectic in the kitchen if I'm cooking for more than the 3 of us. To say this leaves me frazzled is an understatement. 😵‍💫 😵‍💫 😵‍💫

For the last 10 years or so we've been getting our holiday meal at a local sports bar. You can choose from turkey, ham, turkey & ham combo or grilled salmon. Each meal comes with stuffing & cranberries for the turkey, mashed potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes, green beans and corn. This is more food than most folks can eat in one sitting, so we usually have enough leftovers for another meal, but not so much that we're eating turkey until we're sick of it. I make a couple of pies for dessert and everyone's happy. Sometimes we eat in the restaurant and sometimes we pick it up. The price is very reasonable.

There's a venue near my sister's house in Pennsylvania that folks use for bridal and baby showers, as well as other parties. The venue caters the event and provides whatever the hosts want. I remember reading a review where a woman said they used it for their large family's Christmas dinner. The reviewer said everything was delicious and their room was large enough to set aside a small "play area" for the younger kids. Everyone had a great, stress-free Christmas dinner and they all went home at the end of the evening. No fuss, no muss! It might be worthwhile to see if there's something like this near your house. Even if you don't use it, the fact that you've put the idea out there might make your family realize that it's time they stepped up to the plate.

We decorate for Christmas, but keep it pretty simple - a wreath on the front door, a manger set, decorations on the fireplace mantle and a tree in the sunroom. Nothing lavish, but it puts us in the Christmas spirit. For years I've baked Christmas cookies and given them as gifts to coworkers, friends and neighbors. Since I retired, the number of recipients has dwindled, so it's not the operation it used to be. I've cut out a couple of types of cookies, don't bake any double batches anymore and, amazingly, still have more than enough to meet my needs!

It's easy for families to get into a holiday routine and not realize that we can't shoulder as many of the responsibilities as we did in years past, so we have to help them reach that conclusion. At some point in my 50's, I cut back on the scope of our Christmas celebration because I realized that it had become more of a chore than a celebration. It wasn't as much fun anymore to get everything out and decorate, especially when my aching back was screaming that I wasn't as young as I used to be. Our scaled down version lends credence to the term "happy wife, happy life". We call our families who live in different states and wish them well, then settle in by the fire for a relaxing evening. Good luck!

Re: Holidays

Calcgirl — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 14:18:52 GMT

I am 74 and a widow. I love hosting holidays for my two married children, 6 grown grandkids and 4 great grandkids. I have a bad back and by the time I am finished cooking and baking my back is hurting, but sitting and observing the laughter and chatter from my loved ones is my gift to myself. My heart feels like bursting from the joy I feel. I pray if I ever get dementia I won't forget these precious moments. By the way all of the family brings side dishes, etc to share and insist on cleaning up fro GG. I love them so very much.

Re: Holidays

Patriot3 — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 15:31:19 GMT

I had to quit doing holidays when I was 78. That year right on Christmas Day morning I had to go to the ER and was diagnosed with double pneumonia. That was the end of my hosting any more holidays.

My children have taken over. I really miss it, but know that I simply can't do it anymore. I used to make everything and set beautiful tables. That time has gone and I have wonderful children who have taken over. There are now 19 of us with one on the way. I am so blessed.

Re: Holidays

new nickname 4 — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 17:52:31 GMT

@bargainsgirl , I don't do holidays any longer, and I'm not a humbug. I enjoy my holidays, by myself, always a phone call, but no get togethers. I told my son when he started to have children, that Christmas eve and Christmas day should be spend at their home, so the kids can sleep and wait for Santa. I never liked (as a child) traveling to another home, I just wanted my home. My son and family live over 5 hours away, and driving in the winter is not something I want them to do, nor do I want to do. So it just makes sense.

Up until last year, I would spend Thanksgiving with my sister and her family. But it also has grown, and (blended families), with kids running circles around the table - too much for me. So I summoned up my courage and told a lie, I said I wasn't feeling well and wouldn't go. It was somewhat true though, because in the past I would come home, and felt misserable for days after - too much noise, too much work, and too much food.

If I understood your post, it isn't that you are tired of cooking and decorating, but just want smaller holidays. Hope you get your wish.

Re: Holidays

RollTide2008 — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 19:12:15 GMT

I was happy to take over holiday hostess duties from my mother. I took them over on my own terms though. I'm not interested in handwashing anyone's china and crystal when my everyday dinnerware is perfectly serviceable and my IKEA wineglasses can go in the dishwasher. There were cross words exchanged over things like that, but I think she decided it was easier to have Thanksgiving at my house and fuss to her friends I served dessert on paper plates than to host herself.

Re: Holidays

~k~ — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 19:42:39 GMT

I, too, turned 69 this year. I lost my husband and father 2 years ago, it's just me, my mother and my son left. No grands, no cousins, etc. This thread echoes the same dread and feelings I've been going thru and crazy as it sounds, it's nice to know I'm not alone. I hate the commercials, I dread the need to fix "the meal" to carry on what's left of tradition, altho at this point it's only for my mother who is 90. It all exhausts me, I'm tired of pretending everything is the same, when it never will be. I would love to try something new, but that will have to wait. I will muddle thru one day at the time.