topic My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again in Community Chat

My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

ScrapHappy — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 11:17:21 GMT

The pas 4 years, my friend has forgotten my birthday 3 times. She forgot again this year, remembered last year because we talked about it and forgot in 2020 and 2019. When she forgets, there's no card, phone call or text. We've known each other for over 30 years. Haven't lived in the same state for 22 of those years. She is married, no children. The thought that maybe there are so memory issues has crossed my mind but she is in the medical profession and remembers and does so much. What would you say or do at this point? I always send her a card AND call her for her birthday.

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

KingstonsMom — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 11:24:52 GMT

I would say or do nothing.......

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

Goldengate8361 — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 11:29:13 GMT

As hard as it might be, I would suggest that you try really hard to not take it personally. Some people just don't do whatever it takes to keep up with others birthdays. Yes, I think it is inconsiderate of her, but it may not necessarily reflect her true feelings about you and how much she vales your friendship. Obviously there is much that we (as readers of your post) don't know......my point is that one would be wise to keep in mind that people are just wound up differently and your friend may not realize that her forgetfulness is hurtful. As her longtime friend, maybe you would want to have thus talk with ber...because she probably skips others' birthdays, too (like her family members). For whatever its worth, happy "late" birthday from me!

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

4kitties — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 11:30:38 GMT

I probably would not say or do anything either. Has she always been forgetful? Maybe she does not put importance on birthdays?

If I acknowledge someone's birthday, I do not expect them to acknowledge mine. I do it because I want to.

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

queendiva — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 11:30:42 GMT

Might be that after all these years she is more important to you than you are to her.

For her next birthday maybe just send her a text.

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

jackthebear — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 11:31:59 GMT

stop sending a card to her

as adults do we need or expect our peers to remember our Birthdays,

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

candys mine — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 11:38:14 GMT

I speak only for myself. I do Nothing of a social manner in hopes of reciprocation. Letting others know I think of them makes Me happy. I'm never expecting anyone do the same as me.

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

EarthAngelInTraining — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 11:47:22 GMT

@candys mine wrote:
I speak only for myself. I do Nothing of a social manner in hopes of reciprocation. Letting others know I think of them makes Me happy. I'm never expecting anyone do the same as me.

@candys mine i concur wholehearedly. I say "no expectations; no disappointments." I also am an anonymous gift-giver.

Keep being you Candys Mine.

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

ValuSkr — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 11:53:41 GMT

I wouldn't worry about it. if it bothers you, reciprocate by forgetting her birthday.

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

Biftu — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 11:58:11 GMT

At this point in life I could care less if someone remembers my birthday or not. I have a dear friend who lives in a different state and I never hear from her on my birthday, but I always send a card on hers. I have another friend who sends me a card for every, yes every holiday. That I do not do nor reciprocate, just birthdays and Christmas. I'm one who always remembers birthdays and depending on the relationship I always send a card and call closer friends, it's just what I do.

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

ScrapHappy — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 12:04:50 GMT

@4kitties wrote:
I probably would not say or do anything either. Has she always been forgetful? Maybe she does not put importance on birthdays?

If I acknowledge someone's birthday, I do not expect them to acknowledge mine. I do it because I want to.

She never seemed forgetful. It's only the last 3 of the 4 years she forgot. Otherwise, we would always call each other and send a card.

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

sann — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 12:08:36 GMT

I also have a friend who I have known probably thirty years..her birthday is in September...you would think after all these years I would remember the exact day in September...so what I do is mail her card the last day of August ....and no I don't have any memory issues....

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

ScrapHappy — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 12:11:08 GMT

@Goldengate8361 wrote:
As hard as it might be, I would suggest that you try really hard to not take it personally. Some people just don't do whatever it takes to keep up with others birthdays. Yes, I think it is inconsiderate of her, but it may not necessarily reflect her true feelings about you and how much she vales your friendship. Obviously there is much that we (as readers of your post) don't know......my point is that one would be wise to keep in mind that people are just wound up differently and your friend may not realize that her forgetfulness is hurtful. As her longtime friend, maybe you would want to have thus talk with ber...because she probably skips others' birthdays, too (like her family members). For whatever its worth, happy "late" birthday from me!

She isn't that close with her family, it's a large family of seven. Especially with her parents, mostly her Mom. When my friend got married, only one brother and his family showed up. I helped her a lot with the wedding, taking her out and I paid for her photography. Her brother thanked me at the wedding. We email each other and I had mentioned in my email that me, husband and daughter went out to eat for my birthday. After she read it, I received a voicemail and text from her saying how sorry she is that she forget.

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

AngelPuppy1 — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 12:12:46 GMT

@ScrapHappy

Being as where you have been friends for such a long period of time, I don't blame you for being hurt and/or upset. It would really bother me, too. I don't ask for much or expect much from people, but I really don't think it's too much to ask for a long-time friend to remember your birthday in some way --- a text, an e-mail, a phone call, a card --- something! I am thinking of two ways to approach this and maybe neither one is where you want to go, but I'm just suggesting them. Firstly, I would just be honest with her. Just simply say, I feel silly in a way bringing this up, but it hurts my feelings that you are suddenly forgetting to acknowledge my birthday, after we've been friends for so many years. And then see where this goes. Another way to go, is just simply to not send her card or acknowledge her birthday. Maybe she needs to know how it feels when you forget about her birthday! Perhaps, she just no longer thinks these gestures matter any more. If so, I think the best route would be just to confront her and then just say, well, I guess it would be best if we just don't acknowledge our birthdays any more. Period.

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

Group 5 minus 1 — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 12:17:12 GMT

It sounds like you are really wrapped up in remembering your birthday. Why is it so important to you?

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

ScrapHappy — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 12:20:38 GMT

@ScrapHappy wrote:
@Goldengate8361 wrote:
As hard as it might be, I would suggest that you try really hard to not take it personally. Some people just don't do whatever it takes to keep up with others birthdays. Yes, I think it is inconsiderate of her, but it may not necessarily reflect her true feelings about you and how much she vales your friendship. Obviously there is much that we (as readers of your post) don't know......my point is that one would be wise to keep in mind that people are just wound up differently and your friend may not realize that her forgetfulness is hurtful. As her longtime friend, maybe you would want to have thus talk with ber...because she probably skips others' birthdays, too (like her family members). For whatever its worth, happy "late" birthday from me!
She isn't that close with her family, it's a large family of seven. Especially with her parents, mostly her Mom. When my friend got married, only one brother and his family showed up. I helped her a lot with the wedding, taking her out and I paid for her photography. Her brother thanked me at the wedding. We email each other and I had mentioned in my email that me, husband and daughter went out to eat for my birthday. After she read it, I received a voicemail and text from her saying how sorry she is that she forget.

I should explain the wedding thing. She married a man 12 years older than her. He was married before but divorced (no kids) for over 20 years but never got annulment. Her mother, who rules the roost, considered him still married and believed no annulment, no wedding. She refused to go so therefore her Dad didn't go and only 1 of 7 seven siblings attended. Her younger sister who got married a couple of years after my friend, married a man who was also married before and didn't get an annulment. But she told her parents he did. Her parents sold one of their real estate properties to help pay for her wedding though.

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

Pook — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 12:22:41 GMT

@ScrapHappy Everybody does not think birthdays are special and some (like me) think just another day and no big deal. When others where I worked used to have cards flying around for birthday's, I never told anyone when my birthday was. My sister makes a big deal about me not sending birthday cards and often sends me several cards and makes a tasteless cake even though she knows I don't really care for the kind of cakes she makes. Finally I sent her a birthday card and listed all the years for the next hundred and just told her to get it out and cross off the year before and she has a card from me!! I could never understand - especially as aging happens and many won't admit their age and want others to think they are younger - then they get offended if they do not get cards!

If you are bothered that much then quit sending her cards!

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

NickNack — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 12:24:59 GMT

I have a friend who never remembers my birthday. She just doesn't put it on her calendar. It used to hurt my feelings a lot, but I accept it now. She's a good friend and sometimes remembers the month but not the date.

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

haddon9 — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 12:25:54 GMT

@AngelPuppy1 wrote:
@ScrapHappy

Being as where you have been friends for such a long period of time, I don't blame you for being hurt and/or upset. It would really bother me, too. I don't ask for much or expect much from people, but I really don't think it's too much to ask for a long-time friend to remember your birthday in some way --- a text, an e-mail, a phone call, a card --- something! I am thinking of two ways to approach this and maybe neither one is where you want to go, but I'm just suggesting them. Firstly, I would just be honest with her. Just simply say, I feel silly in a way bringing this up, but it hurts my feelings that you are suddenly forgetting to acknowledge my birthday, after we've been friends for so many years. And then see where this goes. Another way to go, is just simply to not send her card or acknowledge her birthday. Maybe she needs to know how it feels when you forget about her birthday! Perhaps, she just no longer thinks these gestures matter any more. If so, I think the best route would be just to confront her and then just say, well, I guess it would be best if we just don't acknowledge our birthdays any more. Period.

I agree & this is how I understand it too.....

It can feel hurtful that you aren't being acknowledged as a good friend by her forgetting your birthday. On the surface it may seem silly but after being friends for so long one gets into a "friend routine".

You can't help thinking that either she is having memory issues or maybe you just aren't that important to her as you once were which hurts. Some people are much more sensitive than others....I get it...I'm one of those sensitive people too. It's easy for some to say to just not take it personally but it's hard not to.

I agree with this post that suggests that perhaps you should just say something without being confrontational about it.

Re: My Friend Forgot My Birthday Again

CalminHeart — Fri, 09 Sep 2022 12:26:00 GMT

Let it go. To me, it's not a big deal.