topic Re: I'm Too Nice in Community Chat

I'm Too Nice

Jordan2 — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 15:06:51 GMT

I have come to the decision I just might be too nice for my own good. Two reasons why

1. I moved into a new apartment on the second floor of a two family house a new tennant moved in about 3 weeks ago (I moved in 7 weeks ago). I take in the mail sort it and leave it on a table in kind of a little foyer (she doesn't just takes hers). Three packages were delivered one day to this new tennant and left on the porch (they were bulky). I struggled to bring them in and left them at her door (she was home), never got a thank you maybe she thought Amazon delivery brought them in.

2. I get a call on a landline phone comes up the police department, he starts to leave a message so I pick it up. He has the correct number but the woman he was looking for doesn't live here. He asks if this is the number he dialed I say I don't like to give out my number, he says it came up police department, I say how do I know it's not a scam. He is very persistent and I figure he'll keep calling me back so I say yes. He then says I don't believe you (that I don't know this woman) why would she give this number! I say maybe it was written incorrectly so I thought that was the end of it, it wasn't! I get a call today by the same detective leaving me a message about the order of protection I filed. I call back and told him I told you yesterday you had the wrong person, I also told him I didn't appreciate him calling me a liar. I said why isn't she calling YOU, he said good question. He gets my name (which I shouldn't have to give as I am not involved but he is insistent again). He asks how long I have this number, 7 weeks. He says he doesn't know why she would give an old number, he will have to go to her house to investigate, oh and he says I'll probably get more calls on this matter.

My mother raised me to be kind, helpful, and polite I never thought those would be flaws in my character.

Re: I'm Too Nice

SharkE — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 15:19:34 GMT

scary!

Re: I'm Too Nice

Rockycoast — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 15:23:44 GMT

Yep, @Jordan2 way too nice. You should never give out personal information to anyone on the phone. Scammers can make any name or number come up on the phone screen. We have a policy in our home, we don't know the number showing up on the screen, we don't answer it. If it is a telemarketer or someone we don't know we block the number. If it is important they leave a message. Also, I would stop bringing in packages/mail to the new neighbor until you know her better. You never know what she may think you are doing to her stuff. Just take care of yourself till things are more familar with the neighbor.

Re: I'm Too Nice

Jordan2 — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 15:28:04 GMT

@Rockycoast this really was a detective, I didn't want to get on his bad side, he could make trouble for me. I told him I didn't have to call him back I was being nice and didn't want something bad to happen to the woman.

Re: I'm Too Nice

millieshops — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 15:28:22 GMT

@Jordan2 It's good to be polite and kind, but it's also just as good to be protective of yourself!

There's absolutely nothing wrong about not answer your phone if you don't recognize the caller and certainly there's nothing protective about answering that number a second time! Please. if your phone line allows - block that number now.

PS - your mother may not have taught you all the skills you need for today;s world. That's not a criticism of her - I'm probably old enough to be your mother. We didn't grow up in a world like the one we now live in.

Re: I'm Too Nice

manny2 — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 15:30:24 GMT

@Jordan2 This doesn't feel right to me. I would be very careful. I would also call the local police department and verify if a detective from that precinct is contacting you. Don't call any number he gave you. Call the actual police departments non emergency number.

There are a lot of scammers, and bad people out there. Just be sure everything is on the up and up.

Re: I'm Too Nice

chrystaltree — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 15:38:04 GMT

I wouldn't call it being too nice, like many older women you are a people pleaser. You turn yourself into doormat because you need to be liked, appreciated and helpful. Beginning with your neighbor why wou you even think about lugging her bulky packages into the building whether she was home or not? That you did it knowing she was home is just very sad. That's why she wasn't grateful or appreciative. She might have considered it interfering. She didn't ask you to do it and didn't know why you did it.The most I would have done is knock and tell the packages were there. And stop picking through her mail. Take yours and leave hers alone.

As for the fake police call, I get those frequently. There are a couple of variations. It was obvious to me from the first call that it was some type of prank or scam even though I couldn't figure out the intent. I never and would never engage the fake cop in a conversation like you did. You had to know it was not legit. Why didn't you hang up? The fake cop calls go to my landline which I never use or give out the number so the whole thing is a mystery but I have caller ID so I know when "Officer Such-and-such has left a message". However your desire to please people isn't something you can change now, it's part of who you are. But when it comes to your neighbor, to maintain good relations, just stay out of her business.

Re: I'm Too Nice

hckynutjohn — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 15:33:09 GMT

@Jordan2

Sure wish I could read your post

hckynut 🇺🇸

Re: I'm Too Nice

Rockycoast — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 15:33:41 GMT

@Jordan2 wrote:
@Rockycoast this really was a detective, I didn't want to get on his bad side, he could make trouble for me. I told him I didn't have to call him back I was being nice and didn't want something bad to happen to the woman.

@Jordan2 I would block that number. He has all the info he needs to find this woman if that is who he really says he is.

Re: I'm Too Nice

bikerbabe — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 15:34:07 GMT

The neighbor mail is a non issue. How is she to know? I also would not sort through someone else’s mail. It can be interpreted as being nosy not being nice.

Don’t ever give that info on the phone with someone you have no clue who they really are. Aside from suspicious, he sounded obnoxious. It’s not even a matter of being nice. 🙂

Re: I'm Too Nice

qualitygal — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 15:37:53 GMT

If his calls come again, find out where he is at the police dept., and tell him to set up a meeting for you and your attorney. ****** it in the bud, and protect yourself.

Re: I'm Too Nice

gizmogal — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 15:54:22 GMT

My suggestion is to stop sorting other people's mail.

You fault this new neighbor for minding her own business!! She is not selfish, she's polite. If it doesn't have your name on it, leave it where it is. People know how to get their own mail without you taking a good look at their magazines, billing overdue notices, government return addresses. A quick glance for your name and take yours with you.

It actually isn't nice to sort other people's mail. You might look at it as nice. Your neighbor might think i's nosy. So,e others here are telling you the same thing! If you're being taken advantage of by being "too nice", get over it by leaving this niceness behind you. No one appreciates it, then no one will miss it not occurring.

Neighbor owed you a thanks for lugging in the packages. That one time. Now stop being the mail and package agent. If it isn't yours, then it is not your concern. That's not being un-nice, it's politely not touching what isn't yours.

I understand your motives and perspective of feeling you're being oh so helpful. But you have overstepped, IMO, and nice doesn't go with resentful. How nice is it to do something unbidden and perhaps unwelcome and then resent the lack of appreciation?

Call the police station, ask to talk to the Captain or head of the Detective unit. Tell him/her how you've been bothered and dragged into something you have no relation to and no responsibility for. You didn't assign or request your new phone number. Now you want it stopped. Helps if you provide the detective's name and dates of these annoying calls. If it was legitimately the police trying to get information, it will stop. If it wasn't, use the occasion to report the incident as scamming or fraudulent representation of police business.

Re: I'm Too Nice

PickyPicky3 — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 15:47:05 GMT

Your landlord is required to give you and your neighbor separate mailboxes.

Re: I'm Too Nice

CatsyCline — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 15:47:26 GMT

i get bogus calls all day long, i don't care whose name comes up on Caller ID. i just don't pick up the phone. And i use the generic robot voice greeting.

this caller sounds hinky. you do not have to engage!

Block the number!

Just take your own mail and packages.

Re: I'm Too Nice

Sooner — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 15:48:03 GMT

Never touch another person's mail. Get yours, leave it there.

If I were you, if possible I would swing by the nearest police station, walk in and have a chat with someone. Let them see you, talk to you, be nice, and they will look out for you maybe! People always remember a personal encounter and it helps a lot!

It could pay off big down the road.

Re: I'm Too Nice

geezerette — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 16:01:20 GMT

I guess I have a different take on the mail/packages end of this. I agree that I'd take my own mail and leave the neighbors. I also don't see why you don't have separate mailboxes.

But the packages left outside are a different story to me. I would bring them in to whatever lobby you may have and leave whatever is not yours. In my mind that's not "being too nice", it's protecting my own @zz. With all the porch pirates around now, leaving packages visible to the street is just inviting them to be stolen. And someday some of them may be yours. Also, if someone sees that packages are left regularly, they may decide to take package theft a step further and break in thinking that the place is empty.

As for the phone calls/police thing, I don't understand exactly what you are saying so I won't comment on it.

Re: I'm Too Nice

Jordan2 — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 16:07:58 GMT

So I called my local police department and spoke to a very nice police officer. There is a detective by the name I was given. He said giving your name and phone number isn't a big deal as someone can Goggle you and obtain it. He gave me the direct precinct number and told me to call if I have any problems, he set my mind at ease.

Re: I'm Too Nice

CatsyCline — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 16:10:01 GMT

The OP says she lives in a 2-Family, sometimes there's one mail slot in the main door and mail drops into a shared foyer.

Re: I'm Too Nice

geezerette — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 16:22:00 GMT

@CatsyCline wrote:

The OP says she lives in a 2-Family, sometimes there's one mail slot in the main door and mail drops into a shared foyer.

If that is the case, I'd pick up my mail and leave the rest in a pile by the door if I wanted to start a t*t-for-tat relationship. But I honestly don't see the harm in leaving the other tenent's mail on a table in the foyer after I got mine. If the mail is all jumbled together in the foyer, each tenant will be sorting through all the mail to get their own no matter where they end up leaving what is not theirs.

Sometimes you're going to get neighbors that won't be friendly and reciprocal of your kind gestures. You put up with that. But I wouldn't want to jeopardize getting my mail or packages because I was being petty.

Re: I'm Too Nice

Sooner — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 16:30:50 GMT

My policy in life is do what I need to do and leave other people alone to live as they like unless it infringes on my life or property.

Let me add another thought. Most delivery services take a photo of the package at delivery. If you move it then doesn't that sort of make you responsible if something happens to it or it is damaged?