topic Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row in Community Chat

Get Your Ducks in a Row

wismiss — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 07:13:04 GMT

My ex-husband was killed in a car accident a few months ago. We had written our wills in 1982 and of course I was named as the sole beneficiary and Executor. (We didn't have any children.) We divorced in 2015. Neither of us remarried and we remained good friends. In the state of Illinois, since we were divorced after the will was written, I cannot inherit anything under the law. I am considered as "predeceased"--------in other words, I died before my ex and therefore cannot inherit anything. In order for me to have been a beneficiary, he needed to rewrite the will after the divorce and name me as his heir and Executor. So, I had no right to determine his burial plans, etc. I just assumed that once a will was written it stood until it was rewritten or someone died. So, when people ask what they can do to help, I just say, "Make sure your ducks are all in a row." I even had my attorney draw up a declaration of how, where, and all the other information for my funeral when I rewrote my will recently. It is not a part of the will but is a separate document and placed in my estate planning notebook. I guess what I am saying is, don't assume anything, as the law may be different than what you think.

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

meallen616 — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 09:37:50 GMT

Thank you so much for this post. My family and I live in two different states and the laws are very different. Stay strong and think positive!

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

qualitygal — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 09:48:38 GMT

Totally agree. GET your power of attorney's done too. That way, what you really want, can be carried out. It makes it so much easier on those left behind, who will tend to things for you, when you can't.

To clarify too, when you pass away, the power of attorney is no longer any good. So get your will done!

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

Big Joanie — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 11:54:25 GMT

My husband and I just did this .. Got our ducks in a row ... We want

everything cut and dry .. no slip ups .. no suprises ...make sure things

go the way we want them to go ....

it is very important ....

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

wonderfulworld — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 12:06:52 GMT

Very important advice. Thank you.

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

Eileen in Virginia — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 12:13:23 GMT

This is excellent advice. On the other hand, the Federal benefits programs honor valid designations of beneficiary, regardless of actions that may have occurred after the designation was executed. DH had a colleague who died suddenly within months of being married. His designations listed his parents as his heirs (he probably thought he had plenty of time to change them to his wife) and they were the ones who received his insurance and any other lump sum benefits due.

BOTTOM LINE: Familiarize yourself with the laws that apply to your estate & benefits and make sure your will & designations reflect your wishes as your circumstances change.

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

jlkz — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 12:23:00 GMT

@wismiss

Make sure the right folks have a copy of the last wishes book so they can handle your funeral arrangements without delay or mistakes.

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

Imaoldhippie — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 12:23:54 GMT

I have heard that will's should be updated every few years especially after a life changing event. Your situation is as bad as having no will.

My brother died in Jan 2021 and we owned property together. He was disabled the last several years and was on medicaid. It varies from state to state but Ohio as a very strict medicaid recovery law. If I want to keep the property I have to buy out his half from the state, or I can sell the property and pay the state. If I fail to do either they will force me to sell the property at a sheriff's sale.

I am buying out my brothers half and the final paper work is still not done. Even if he had had a will and left his half to me I would still have to buy his half.

The moral of this is yes definitely get your ducks in a row.

@wismiss

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

Jk9 — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 12:36:53 GMT

@wismiss You are so right to encourage everyone to get their wishes expressed and updated. The laws in each state are very different and you really can't assume anything. I tell clients that all the time. It's worth getting legal advice even if you don't think you have "anything". I am an attorney and deal with aging issues exclusively and I cringe when I read discussions about these issues. You can't compare apples (laws in one state) with oranges (laws in another state). And when you add Medicaid laws in the mix....only sound legal advice will be "enough" to guide you through. Wills and all other documents should be reviewed and updated as indicated.

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

Othereeeen — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 12:38:11 GMT

ANd spend the money NOW on an attorney because you DON'T know what you DON'T know. You can use the internet to assist, but you may not even know what to look up or to ask for concerning advice.

It cracks me up when people with assets balk at paying for professional advice when they can, rather than leaving a mess that heir may have to pay to resolve, usually more, because attorneys charge dearly to go thru the mess of someone's life to settle the estate.

Estate planning is as essential as retirement planning and caring for your health and teeth.

It's a LOT more important than whether you have the latest I-phone.

Another thing. Make sure the people who need to know, know WHERE your will is located, and what your burial choice is.

The will is not read til WAY after death ( relatively speaking) but most cases WAY too late to define the last wishes concerning burial, cremation, where a plot may be located ( we move so much today) etc.

People get planted a few days after death... NOT weeks after, when the will is usually probated.

So make it clear. Have a plan. Have a paper BOOK that people can refer to...a simple binder is all it takes. Define your wishes that are not covered by the will, special requests to leave certain things to certain people, with FULL NAMES and relationships. Don't assume your heir will know who "John" is. "John WHO? She knew THREE Johns!!!!"

Where IS the will? In a Safe Dep. Box at X Bank? How will people know, and how will they access that box?

Pretend you drop dead in the next hour. Are you ready? Do you care if you are?

The thing that worries ME is passwords for all my accounts...but at least if your heir has the account number and a death certificate, they have a place to start.

I have a binder with a paper statement from each institution that shows the branch, contact numbers and account numbers. It's a start. No need for executors to wade thru statements in a box from accounts that are no longer active.

ALso I put a monthly/quarterly/annual bill statement in my binder, that shows WHICH bills come due each month, quarter or annually.

make sure your heir knows where the latest tax returns are located. A final personal income tax return AND an "estate income tax" return will need to be filed ( NOT estate TAXES, an INCOME TAX return. When a person dies, they become an ESTATE for settlement purposes, and a return usually must be filed for that entity).

Someone has to keep paying the bills on the home or estate til it's settled. I was exec for my Mom's estate....I had to pay the bills to operate and maintain her house for the six months it took to sell and close on the home. Of course I got it all back when the estate settled, but you have to have the money to pay those ongoing bills until it does. Eye opening... monthly utilities, taxes, insurance, etc)

I review my book twice a year and initial a sign in page in front to say when it was reviewed, so if people find it, they know it's current.

Two friends have the combo to my home safe. And the location of the Safe Dep Key where my will is kept.THey BOTH know the other has that info.

Gotta plan ahead. Do it TODAY!!

It's not grim. I'ts not morbid. We're ALL going to pass away, no matter what else you agree or disagree on about anything else in your life.

We're ALL going to pass away.

It does take time to plan, but I was executor of my Mom's estate, and because she was so neat and organized it went relativeiy easily.

I can't imagine if I had had to wade thru boxes of old statements, pile of papers, etc.

And if you think it's hard if they lived near you, try being the executor of someone who lives five states away. I am the executor of a friend who is a hoarder, who lives 400 miles away. I will address it when the time comes.

You do NOT have to accept being the named executor...but you DO need to know where that persons latest will is kept, because when you decline being the executor, you give up knowing where everything is.

You may be the sole beneficiary too....but if that will gets "lost" when you give up being the executor, tough luck. Someone in the family might suddenly find "another will", especially if you are not related.

I can't imagine being the exec. for a hoarder. They left two houses to me, but both are full to the rafters with "valuable" junk. Will probably have to hire that company Got Junk just to haul it all off.

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

Imaoldhippie — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 13:01:38 GMT

@Jk9 ..............I have been experiencing this for over 15 months now. What a major pain, complicated and expensive.

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

Jk9 — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 13:10:45 GMT

I provide my clients with memorandums to write out their funeral and burial instructions, a document locator page to list where their important documents are kept and give a letter reinforcing the need to review their end of life documents for updates and changes. Getting information off the internet is a real problem for folks too.

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

Sooner — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 13:21:30 GMT

See a lawyer too because you can lose a huge amount of what you have worked for and your retirement paying for relatives nursing home care unless they have gotten proper legal advice well in advance.

Don't think it can't happen to you either. What your relatives think will take care of it may not.

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

drizzellla — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 13:48:18 GMT

@qualitygal wrote:
Totally agree. GET your power of attorney's done too. That way, what you really want, can be carried out. It makes it so much easier on those left behind, who will tend to things for you, when you can't.

To clarify too, when you pass away, the power of attorney is no longer any good. So get your will done!

I am glad you also mentioned that Power of Attorney ends at death. My parents died within 5 days of one another. I had been given Power of Attorney but it didn't help once they died. I was unable to access their lock box at the bank so that I could get to their wills. I could not probate their wills.

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

geezerette — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 13:51:52 GMT

@drizzellla wrote:
@qualitygal wrote:
Totally agree. GET your power of attorney's done too. That way, what you really want, can be carried out. It makes it so much easier on those left behind, who will tend to things for you, when you can't.

To clarify too, when you pass away, the power of attorney is no longer any good. So get your will done!

I am glad you also mentioned that Power of Attorney ends at death. My parents died within 5 days of one another. I had been given Power of Attorney but it didn't help once they died. I was unable to access their lock box at the bank so that I could get to their wills. I could not probate their wills.

That's one thing that has always stuck with me--don't put the important documents your executor will need in your lock box! Unless they also have access, of course.

Also, many times they will need the original documents, not copies.

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

pieman — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 18:49:45 GMT

I think these laws are deplorable in such times of saddness.

Especially ones concerning Living Wills..

My mom and dad both had their Wills done in Ct.

My dad passed om Christmas 9 years ago and back there the laws were laxed, not so picky as other states.

Well my mom passed 2 years ago here in Florida, when her time hours were nearing to end the hospital asked if she had a living will,,

My dear husband ran home to get it and when he got back and gave it to the administrator we were told that wasn't recognized in Florida so a new one had to be written up.

Really?? My mom couldn't speak, she didn't even know where she was at this point,,,] So I had to make the hardest decision ever that day, to end my moms life.

Its truw there wasb't anything more they said they could do, but then again, this is Florida, "Gods Waiting Room" so not much effort goes into saving the elderly.

I will have to live with the decision I made for the rest of my life, unfortunately.

I think the Senate should create a new law , once you have a Will drawn up, thats it, good for where you live! Watching your loved ones pass is hard, but having to make that decision is even worse. To the OP, I am so very sorry for your loss............................

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

Still Raining — Sat, 23 Apr 2022 00:14:13 GMT

In addition to all the good points below, think like who ever is left holding the bag.

If you dropped dead this second - passwords, bank accounts, investments, important papers....it's a long list. Mine is on a flash drive.

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

drizzellla — Sat, 23 Apr 2022 02:27:33 GMT

@pieman wrote:
I think these laws are deplorable in such times of saddness.
Especially ones concerning Living Wills..
My mom and dad both had their Wills done in Ct.
My dad passed om Christmas 9 years ago and back there the laws were laxed, not so picky as other states.
Well my mom passed 2 years ago here in Florida, when her time hours were nearing to end the hospital asked if she had a living will,,
My dear husband ran home to get it and when he got back and gave it to the administrator we were told that wasn't recognized in Florida so a new one had to be written up.
Really?? My mom couldn't speak, she didn't even know where she was at this point,,,] So I had to make the hardest decision ever that day, to end my moms life.
Its truw there wasb't anything more they said they could do, but then again, this is Florida, "Gods Waiting Room" so not much effort goes into saving the elderly.
I will have to live with the decision I made for the rest of my life, unfortunately.
I think the Senate should create a new law , once you have a Will drawn up, thats it, good for where you live! Watching your loved ones pass is hard, but having to make that decision is even worse. To the OP, I am so very sorry for your loss............................

Both my parents had their Living Wills drawn up. And both were in and out of hospitals their last few months.

The Living Wills were drawn up in Pennsylvanis and every hospital they were in, was in Pennsylvania. The Living Wills were also drawn up about 4 years before they were in and out of the hospitals.

No matter what hospital they were in - no hospital would accept their Living Wills. Each hospital said they were too old and we had to have new Living Wills drawn up. Neither parent was in any shape to have legal matters being drawn up. The Doctors did whatever they wanted and would not follow my parents request..

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

homedecor1 — Sat, 23 Apr 2022 03:22:57 GMT

@wismiss

So sorry for your loss.

Very good advice...seems that getting those important documents "in order" aren't always one's priority.

Two years ago when my spouse became ill (still is) our kids drove us crazy with reminders. Needless to say, we "thought" our wills, etc. were "in order" as nothing changed.

Oh sooooo wrong just this week we finalized everything -- our wills, etc were written in NJ and would have been a real problem.

Everything was updated for FL (some crazy rules here) but we are glad the kids bugged us. Now, my spouse can rest easily knowing all our ducks are swimming the RIGHT way😉🙂

Re: Get Your Ducks in a Row

wagirl — Sat, 23 Apr 2022 13:55:41 GMT

this is a very timely subject for me. I am newly divorced at age 67----and I am not sure who I go to to get all my ducks in a row----any advice?