topic Re: Is it approppiate? in Community Chat

Is it approppiate?

Istru — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:06:57 GMT

Going to a family only (I will be the only outsider) funeral. Never met the family. Planning to take a sympathy gift (wind chimes and card) for the bereaved person. Would that be appripiate?

Re: Is it approppiate?

deepwaterdotter — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:09:35 GMT

I would feel awkward and out-of-place.

Re: Is it approppiate?

Istru — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:11:13 GMT

Forgot to mention. I was specifically invited by the family.

Re: Is it approppiate?

sally in philly — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:11:32 GMT

Think you are very thoughtful.

Re: Is it approppiate?

jubilant — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:12:17 GMT

Personally, I would respect the family wishes.

Re: Is it approppiate?

lgfan — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:13:49 GMT

If you were invited by the family I don't see why it wouldn't be appropriate to attend the funeral.

Re: Is it approppiate?

icezeus — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:13:50 GMT

If you were invited by the family then it's not inappropriate.

Re: Is it approppiate?

Krimpette — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:16:27 GMT

i've never heard of a sympathy gift, but beyond that, since you're invited, I don't understand your misgiving on attending>

Re: Is it approppiate?

manny2 — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:17:51 GMT

@deepwaterdotter wrote:
I would feel awkward and out-of-place.

Why @deepwaterdotter she clearly said the family invited her. She is asking if the card and wind chime is appropriate.

Re: Is it approppiate?

Istru — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:20:59 GMT

I guess I didn't explain it correctly! My bad!

i was specifically invited but I've never met the rest of the family. I would never go somewhere uninvited! LOL I was asking more if the gift is appropriate. Sorry about the confusion!

Re: Is it approppiate?

manny2 — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:22:15 GMT

@Krimpette wrote:
i've never heard of a sympathy gift, but beyond that, since you're invited, I don't understand your misgiving on attending>

@Krimpette She doesn't have misgivings about attending. She is simply asking if the sympathy gift is appropriate.

Re: Is it approppiate?

KathyM23 — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:25:39 GMT

@Istru I would not take a gift when you go to the funeral. it would be awkward to present it. I would send a sympathy card and the windchime to the person's home. I think a windchime would be a really good idea as a memorial gift.

Re: Is it approppiate?

Janey2 — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:27:29 GMT

Maybe it is a regional or religious thing, but I never heard or have seen anyone bring a gift to a funeral. As far as the card put it in the mail.

Re: Is it approppiate?

geezerette — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:32:42 GMT

@KathyM23 wrote:
@Istru I would not take a gift when you go to the funeral. it would be awkward to present it. I would send a sympathy card and the windchime to the person's home. I think a windchime would be a really good idea as a memorial gift.

I agree that it would be awkward at the funeral service itself.

If you know the bereaved well and feel comfortable visiting at their home, I would take the gift then. If not, I agree that mailing it would be more appropriate.

It's very thoughtful of you, regardless.

Re: Is it approppiate?

lgfan — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:32:45 GMT

Yes, the gift would be appropriate.

Re: Is it approppiate?

Puppy Lips — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:40:26 GMT

Personally, I don't like wind chimes. One of my neighbors has one, and I am so glad I don't live next to them, as the sound would drive me crazy. I don't think you need to give them a gift at all.

Also, I think mailing the card would be better. I have been to too many funerals lately, and have never seen anyone hand a card to the grieving family. That person would then have to find someplace to put it - take it to their purse or whatever. If they read it right thenand there, it could be very emotional, as those cards are meant to cause tears, in my opinion.

Just my thoughts. Sorry for your loss.

Re: Is it approppiate?

ThinkingOutLoud — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:41:59 GMT

I would not take a gift to the funeral but get it to them after. A few reasons:

~ others may feel like they should have thought of that

~ others may be grieving deeply as well, not just the one (you don't know how close different people are)

~ the person may not know where to put it

~ the person may leave it behind and never see it again (I know of someone that was quite distraught they set it down and couldn't find it later)

Re: Is it approppiate?

mspatmac — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:43:07 GMT

@geezerette wrote:
@KathyM23 wrote:
@Istru I would not take a gift when you go to the funeral. it would be awkward to present it. I would send a sympathy card and the windchime to the person's home. I think a windchime would be a really good idea as a memorial gift.
I agree that it would be awkward at the funeral service itself.

If you know the bereaved well and feel comfortable visiting at their home, I would take the gift then. If not, I agree that mailing it would be more appropriate.

It's very thoughtful of you, regardless.

I also agree it would be very awkward and uncomfortable to present a gift at a funeral. The rememberence gift is a lovely idea and I sure would be appreciated at a later time.

Re: Is it approppiate?

Istru — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:44:56 GMT

Thank you! You're right! I will mail the card and take the gift in person after.

Re: Is it approppiate?

shoptilyadropagain — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 16:45:54 GMT

Personally, I feel it's better to send anything to a funeral/viewing beforehand through a local florest. However, when my dad passed away, we had a family friend bring something in person to the viewing. It's probably too late now to have it sent so I would probably go ahead and take it.