topic Re: Update on my adopted son… in Community Chat

Update on my adopted son…

Malcontent — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 01:58:42 GMT

He came home with his older brother. He came into the kitchen with his older brother and sat silent for a while as I cooked. Then he said:

Paraphrasing:

Son: Mom do you know what a bucket list is?

Me: I think so. It’s when you want to do something and you do it and check it off?

Son: Yes and…I had something on my bucket list and it’s checked off. It’s done. Over. Understand, mom?

Me: Yup.

Son: Do you have any questions?

Me: I do. Do you want baked or mashed potatoes with dinner?

Son: Smiles and gets up and hugs and kisses me on forehead.

Me: I then throw he and his brother out of my kitchen like normal.

I know some are thinking how cold of me. You know, I was so afraid my boy would leave so I talked to him like I always do and it turned out (so far) pretty good.

Life is okay in our family and most importantly for my boy.

I want to say Thank You All for all your comments. I’ve come to realize I don’t owe the birthmother anything albeit to love the gift of my boy.

Re: Update on my adopted son…

KLm — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 02:14:12 GMT

I haven't read the earlier posts about this. I must have missed it.

Seems to me you gave your son the love and confidence and stability to do what he needed to do, and had the belief in yourself that you were doing the right thing.

Some of the hardest work of being a parent.

Re: Update on my adopted son…

Malcontent — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 03:12:48 GMT

@KLm

Thank You.

My son went to meet his birthmother and I found out through his older brother.

I think my adopted son (I never call him that except to explain things here) needed to know. Understand? When I found out I was both afraid he’d leave me (selfish I know) and I felt I owed her something. My eldest boy said she was not in good shape so I said to my husband we should give her money and my husband was H_ll No!

My boy did give his birthmother a chunk of change and then walked away from her.

I will always be grateful to her for her gift, but my boy is done with her and I do respect that and that’s that.

Re: Update on my adopted son…

Love my grandkids — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 03:21:42 GMT

@Malcontent You handled it perfectly. I love it. And it's obvious your son loves you and that's all that matters.

Re: Update on my adopted son…

Malcontent — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 03:24:31 GMT

@Love my grandkids

Thank You for saying that.

Bless You.

Re: Update on my adopted son…

Linmo — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 03:43:56 GMT

@Malcontent Not only did you do the right thing, but your (adopted) son did what was right for him as well. You raised a good kid!

Re: Update on my adopted son…

roeroe1005 — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 04:03:06 GMT

You raised him right!

He needed to deal with this on his own or it would always be with him.

Very happy for your family.

Re: Update on my adopted son…

Malcontent — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 04:32:41 GMT

@roeroe1005

Thank You.

His Pops (my husband) said the same thing. ‘He needs to deal with this on his own’. It was really hard to step back (a lot) and let my boy be and deal with this serious issue on his own.

Re: Update on my adopted son…

Malcontent — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 04:35:48 GMT

@Linmo

Thank You so very much,

Re: Update on my adopted son…

Porcelain — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 07:19:41 GMT

Sounds like you handled this brilliantly, @Malcontent. Sometimes a light touch is the best. I have such a hard time doing that, and you did it really well.

And the way you presented it here, I'll just say that if you ever write a play I hope I get to see it.

Re: Update on my adopted son…

pupwhipped — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 13:58:09 GMT

@Malcontent, thank you so much for giving an update on the family matter. So generous of you as I will say some of the replies on the original post were a bit harsh. I wish you, your son, and your entire family all the best! BTW, I'll take the mashed potatoes, please.

Re: Update on my adopted son…

RetRN — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 15:04:30 GMT

Blessings to your son, hopefully this gave him the peace of mind he needed.

He sounds like a fine young man who was raised well.

Re: Update on my adopted son…

Shanus — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 16:39:15 GMT

I'm not sure why he is referred to as the "adopted son". Once an adopted child is part of a family, he/she is your family as much as any other child.

I have an adopted son, too, but have never, ever referred to him that way since I sent out the announcement when he was a week old.

Re: Update on my adopted son…

santorini — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 16:44:20 GMT

@Shanus wrote:
I'm not sure why he is referred to as the "adopted son". Once an adopted child is part of a family, he/she is your family as much as any other child.

I have an adopted son, too, but have never, ever referred to him that way since I sent out the announcement when he was a week old.

She explained that she never refers to him that way but here on the forum, she said it that way to give us a point of reference. I'm glad she did because I wouldn't have understood the situation. A perfect outcome, OP. I'm happy for your family.

Re: Update on my adopted son…

chrystaltree — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 17:42:14 GMT

I didn't read your original post but it appears your son was curious about his birth mother, he satisfied that curiosity. It's done, there is nothing there for him. You are his mom. I'm happy for your family.

Re: Update on my adopted son…

chickenbutt — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 18:17:00 GMT

That was a wonderful story! Thanks so much for sharing.

You have brought up a wonderful young man.

Re: Update on my adopted son…

JJsMom — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 18:23:36 GMT

I missed your original post, but I am happy things worked out. It must've been stressful.

Re: Update on my adopted son…

Malcontent — Wed, 16 Feb 2022 02:05:23 GMT

@pupwhipped

Thank You for being so kind.

He took the mashed potatoes too. lol

Re: Update on my adopted son…

Malcontent — Wed, 16 Feb 2022 02:07:36 GMT

@RetRN

Blessings to You also.

We’re Blessed to have him in our lives.

Re: Update on my adopted son…

Malcontent — Wed, 16 Feb 2022 02:49:08 GMT

@santorini

Thank You.