topic Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom in Community Chat

In need of some unbiased wisdom

CritterKeeper — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:21:07 GMT

Hello. I have been married to an absolutely wonderful person for nearly 25 years. We have had our ups and downs but for the most part, we are happy and healthy.

When we were dating, we discussed many things including tattoos. At that time I had no interest in having any. Things and attitudes change throughout the years and I now have two modest tattoos on my feet. My husband HATES them. He didn't speak to me for two days when I got my second one.

I recently started fostering rescue dogs (which I absolutely love). I now want to get a small tattoo on my wrist in honor of this. I will be getting it around the time of my 46th birthday. I know this is going to cause a complete uproar and possible argument.

Am I just being selfish by doing this? I feel it is my body and as long as I'm not infringing on someone else's I should be able to do it. But perhaps I should forgo some of my personal wishes to keep the peace?

I just need an unbiased opinion to guide me in this.

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

Mindy D — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:26:19 GMT

If you promised there would be no tattoos, then no, you should not get another one. If you only said that you don't like tattoos, then it is up to you. You will have to decide if you want your husband to have to look at something he detests in such an obvious place as your wrist.

How would you feel if your husband suddenly went and got his nose pierced or got tattoos on his face or anything that you have difficulty looking at everyday? What about a tongue piercing?

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

santorini — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:26:35 GMT

It's all a matter of personal opinions. I don't like tattoos and don't like looking at them either. I think it messes up one's beauty. Maybe he thinks that it tarnishes your beauty in some way. Who knows but good luck.

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

SilleeMee — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:26:44 GMT

"...for better, for worse..." That's what I beleive in so do as you wish.

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

CritterKeeper — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:28:33 GMT

@Mindy D Thank you for this insight. It's always good to hear other points of view.

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

RollTide2008 — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:28:44 GMT

This isn’t a hill I’d die.

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

chickenbutt — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:31:15 GMT

I guess I would unbiased, as I don't have a feeling one way or the other about tattoos. Well, except that needles hurt so I don't have any.

That said, I'm wondering what his reasons are for hating them so much. That might be part of the key as to what to do, or not do, next.

I agree that it's your body, your choice. But sometimes, like you said, maybe keeping the peace might override that a bit. If you are doing something with your body that doesn't hurt or in any way negative affect another, then there generally shouldn't be limits.

But if this is causing big problems with the husband that kind of seeps into the choice part. Is it a religious thing for him? Or does he just find them so repugnant that your having them is chipping away at your relationship over all?

So many questions, right?

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

Group 5 minus 1 — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 21:01:32 GMT

I will answer in form of a question: Do you want the tatoo or marriage?

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

gtx — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:33:08 GMT

I wouldn't risk my marriage for a tattoo. He will have to see it everytime he looks at you if it is on your wrist. It will cause unhappiness and resentment on his part. If you care for him and your life together do not do it.

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

RedTop — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:36:07 GMT

I personally do not like tattoos, and am very happy my husband does not like them and does not have any.

My thoughts are that if you go for a third one after knowing your husband is not happy with the previous two, you are intentionally "poking the bear".

The "my body, my choice" point always stands, but with 47 years of marriage behind me, I go more with "pick your battles".

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

CritterKeeper — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:37:36 GMT

@chickenbutt I think you helped me hit the nail on the head, so to speak. He just thinks they are trashy.

In one way I have the attitude that "life is short and do what makes you happy", but on the other hand, I want to have a peaceful happy marriage.

I'm really torn. I want to have some independence and power (for lack of a better term) over my life. This isn't something I just thought about doing. I have thought and thought about it.

I have made the appointment and put down the deposit, but perhaps I should call and cancel. Then I feel like I have cheated myself.

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

lolakimono — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:38:19 GMT

@CritterKeeper

Some religions view it as a desecration of the body, so if that is his objection then I would perhaps reconsider it.

If it is aesthetics, it is your body- do what you want!

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

deepwaterdotter — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:39:15 GMT

@RollTide2008 wrote:
This isn’t a hill I’d die.

I agree.

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

Kachina624 — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:39:18 GMT

Only you can decide if the uproar that's going to ensue is worth having a tattoo of a foster dog that briefly passed through your life. I know how few good men there are out there and I personally wouldn't risk it. Why would you risk your relationship with someone you love for such a frivolous reason?

I transported, fostered, and adopted rescues for years. If I'd gotten a tat for every dog, I'd look like a sailor who'd been on too many binges.

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

Big Joanie — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:41:44 GMT

How about a bracelet .. possibly with a charm to depict the

sentiment .....like a paw ...or a written message ....Just a

thought ....

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

pdlinda — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:41:55 GMT

@CritterKeeper Wouldn't it be possible for you to get a bracelet with some type of dog motif that you could put on your wrist (or keep on your wrist)?

That way you could keep your dog-loving sentiment always visible and close to you without offending your husband's sensibilities.

I feel similarly to your husband so I understand his position. However, you are entitled to embrace your affinity to your rescue dogs.

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

kitcat51 — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:43:31 GMT

He didn't like the first so you got a second? There's your answer, you don't need any opinions.

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

Marp — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:44:16 GMT

I'd be less concerned with "keeping the peace" than festering resentment which could have consequences beyond what you imagined. Do you have any idea which straw will be the last one?

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

SilleeMee — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:58:11 GMT

With advancements in cosmetic procedures, tattoos can be removed these days. If a tattoo causes serious problems within a marriage then have the thing removed. Problem solved. It's not like it's the end of the world or like cheating on him. It's just a tattoo.

Re: In need of some unbiased wisdom

CritterKeeper — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 18:47:04 GMT

@pdlinda Thank you for your understanding of the importance of my intent. Contrary to a previous poster- my rescues are very important to me and I'm not even going to respond to such rudeness.

A bracelet is a great idea! Thank you for telling me your point of view without being crass.

This is exactly why I asked the question- to give me other points of view and to help see it from his side. I will cancel the appointment.