topic Re: Therapist Issue in Community Chat

Therapist Issue

Ladygray — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 02:02:10 GMT

I was needing an EAP therapist for some work related issues. I looked high and low for the best one, reading their bios, etc.

When I found the one I chose I was thrilled. She seemed so invested in her profession, she actually used therapy horses to help some of her clients, and on her Twitter account, she shared inspiring stories and quotes that resonated with me.

I finally called her and she was super nice and easy to talk to. We set up weekly sessions via phone after work. She was easy to talk to, but then things got weird.

She'd text me about 30 min before a session and say she was running late. I raced home to take her call after work so it was a bit frustrating. One time the 15 min she said she'd be late turned into 30. She has been late a few times now. Then once I heard water running in the background as though she was doing dishes or something while in the session with me. I thought it wasn't good protocol, but it's one of the pitfalls of remote sessions these days.

Then yesterday, she called me (again about 15 min late) and we were talking when I kept hearing voices and a ringing sound. I thought perhaps she had the TV on in the background or something. But after about 30 min, I heard someone say, "Thanks for coming in," and then the sound of a cash register. It seems she was doing some kind of shopping while talking to me on the phone in my session.

It's EAP (Employee Assistance Program). I don't pay, but she still gets her hourly fee from the insurance company. I can't help but think she is using the time with me (getting paid) to run errands. I didn't say anything, but don't know what to do now. She's very nice and supportive, but it's not right. I can't believe her website shows her to be so professional, etc. but what she's doing isn't kosher.

I don't know what to do. I invested so much time in telling her my work issues, and she offers good advice,but her actions are so ****** unprofessional.

Not sure what to do. I just can't believe she does this. I've had other EAP counselors in my work history, and none were perfect and we met in their office pre-Covid, but this behavior is like I'm in a sitcom or something. It's bizarre.

Re: Therapist Issue

RedTop — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 02:07:36 GMT

I would report your experiences regarding her practices, to the insurance company that's paying her!

Re: Therapist Issue

Ladygray — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 02:17:33 GMT

That's a good option.

It's so depressing that someone professing to be a therapist would be that blatently unprofessional and careless.

What surprises me is that she's been a therapist for 30 years. I was impressed with her background and experience.

People try to get away with so much these days. It's very disheartening.

Re: Therapist Issue

Ladygray — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 02:21:05 GMT

The thing that really bothers me is part of my work issue is my boss disrespects me and is so demeaning to me and others. I am dealing with someone at work who is unprofessional on so many levels.

Then... to have a therapist who knows my situation pretend to be giving me her time and attention only to go shopping while talking to me, it's maddening. What about my privacy?

I laugh out of sheer shock. What the heck is wrong with people?

Re: Therapist Issue

tipsy — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 02:25:56 GMT

Very unprofessional & she has to be distracted from focusing all her attention on you when she is out running errands or washing dishes, etc.

Can't you both wear masks for in-person meetings?

Re: Therapist Issue

Ladygray — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 02:28:50 GMT

@tipsy wrote:
Very unprofessional & she has to be distracted from focusing all her attention on you when she is out running errands or washing dishes, etc.
Can't you both wear masks for in-person meetings?

She isn't seeing patients in her office right now.

Re: Therapist Issue

nana59 — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 02:31:59 GMT

@Ladygray wrote:
That's a good option.

It's so depressing that someone professing to be a therapist would be that blatently unprofessional and careless.

What surprises me is that she's been a therapist for 30 years. I was impressed with her background and experience.

People try to get away with so much these days. It's very disheartening.

after 30 years....maybe it's time to retire....instead of not doing her job....and still getting paid for it....shame on her......

Re: Therapist Issue

moonandthestars — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 02:32:27 GMT

@Ladygray Wow, that is really very upsetting and disappointing. I can definitely see how that would shake you up. I'm sorry you are going through this. especially difficult since she had your trust. Do you think you could say something to her? It might be helpful to you to say it. to her. She should not be treating you this way. It's interesting that you mentioned that it mirrors in a way the issue that you are having with your boss. Maybe the growth opportunity here is to stand up for yourself - at least speak up for yourself. You deserve someone who treats your appointments with respect. That would mean being reliably on time and completely focused on you during your appointment.

Re: Therapist Issue

pdlinda — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 02:37:55 GMT

@Ladygray What you describe is really outrageous and very disturbing!

During my career I used EAP counselling services several times and the professional I selected to help me assisted me greatly. Of course, that was before COVID so things were handled in person.

Please give thought to the ramifications of you reporting her behavior to the insurance company. Her license might be placed in jeopardy after 30 years of her professional service. From her perspective, your very detailed rendition of what occurred between you might turn into a situation whereby what you experienced is reported by her to be a total "misunderstanding" and/or "misperception" of the truth.

Did you per chance record any of the calls (therapy sessions) where these incidents took place?

Re: Therapist Issue

Ladygray — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 02:38:05 GMT

I appreciate all your responses and suggestions.

My boss is impossible. It's not like I don't want to stand up to her, but she will make my life more miserable. I work in HR, so there really is nowhere to go to complain.

I will probablly end up saying something to the therapist. It's funny, she sent me this 5 page questionnaire about my goals, my history, etc. Wonder if she even read it. She does offer good advice, but that's no reason to keep someone who isn't treating me with the respect I deserve.

Some therapists need a therapist.

Re: Therapist Issue

Ladygray — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 02:40:21 GMT

@pdlinda wrote:
@Ladygray What you describe is really outrageous and very disturbing!

During my career I used EAP counselling services several times and the professional I selected to help me assisted me greatly. Of course, that was before COVID so things were handled in person.

Please give thought to the ramifications of you reporting her behavior to the insurance company. Her license might be placed in jeopardy after 30 years of her professional service. From her perspective, your very detailed rendition of what occurred between you might turn into a situation whereby what you experienced is reported by her to be a total "misunderstanding" and/or "misperception" of the truth.

Did you per chance record any of the calls (therapy sessions) where these incidents took place?

No, I didn't record anything, never thought to. There is legality issues with that in my state.

I'm not going to report her to anyone... my only choice is to tell her I'm bothered by her behavior or just stop using her and try and find and start up again with someone else.

Re: Therapist Issue

Mistreatedbycs — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 02:42:12 GMT

@Ladygray I had very similar issues years ago and did report an outside contractor to the insurance company. It actually back fired on me, the insurance company called the HR Manager and I was brought into the office.

It was very upsetting to me and the best and very best thing to do is actually find another job. Sad to say but your boss is going no where and you are disposable.

So if you don't want to leave, I would advise you to change therapists for now. Your therapist is disrepecting you and why put up with it? It's not worth it.

Try another one and if that fails another one. No complaints at all about your current one, they all talk. Make up some excuse as to why you changed, never talk badly about anyone, trust me, it will bite you. I thought I was doing them (the company) a favor by more or less telling them they are literally getting ripped off by this contractor, oh my, it sure doesn't turn out like you think it will.

But overall, I left 2 jobs over bosses, no matter how bad they were, that's what the company wanted so I left. Years later I bought a business and I couldn't of been happier. Maybe that's also an option for you.

Your work is eating you up. It's not worth it, really. Just something to think about.

Re: Therapist Issue

elated — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 02:43:42 GMT

After reading your posts, it seems you have self esteem issues. Why can't you find another job? Why are you sticking with a therapist that is demeaning? You seem to be making decisions that are not good for your well being. I don't know your age but sometimes we have the answers but are afraid to move on with our life. I do wish you the best but self care is the best medicine.

Re: Therapist Issue

haddon9 — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 02:47:34 GMT

It's not easy to find a good therapist who you will click with. Just beacuse she many have a stellar background and qualifications does NOT mean that she is the right therapist for you!

If you can't meet in person, why not try zoom or telehealth?...some kind of video conference. This way she would have to focus on you. You can say that you just feel more comfortable than simply talking on the phone. Otherwise it's time for a change.

Re: Therapist Issue

Nuttmeg — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 02:49:30 GMT

@Ladygray

Please find yourself someone else for treatment. This is an unfortunate situation, but sometimes things just don't work.

Re: Therapist Issue

pdlinda — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 02:56:28 GMT

@Ladygray To avoid her possibly getting defensive and trying to "argue" that what you experienced didn't really happen the way you think it did, you might consider the latter choice you mention.

If you sever your professional relatioship with her and seek another provider, please don't forget you are under no obligation to give her a reason for your decision to discontinue seeing her. The best of luck to you!!

Re: Therapist Issue

Kachina624 — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 02:58:01 GMT

I'd be insulted that she thinks your so stupid that you don't hear the background nose. Can you suggest that you'd like to have Skype or some other video sessions. She couldn't do errands on video. If she says no, then you have an excuse to fire her. Yes, I'd report her to whoever pays her. She's taking advantage.

Re: Therapist Issue

Ladygray — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 03:07:52 GMT

I'm 60. It's not easy to find another job. Plus I have a good pension from where I work that I never had before.

I wish it were that easy to go find another job. Right now, it's not for me. I support myself.

You don't know me well enough to know if I have self esteem issues. Just because I'm treated like ****** from my boss, doesn't mean it's because of me.

Re: Therapist Issue

Ladygray — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 03:08:32 GMT

@haddon9 wrote:
It's not easy to find a good therapist who you will click with. Just beacuse she many have a stellar background and qualifications does NOT mean that she is the right therapist for you!

If you can't meet in person, why not try zoom or telehealth?...some kind of video conference. This way she would have to focus on you. You can say that you just feel more comfortable than simply talking on the phone. Otherwise it's time for a change.

I don't have a camera or video capabilities on my computer.

Re: Therapist Issue

moonandthestars — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 03:57:14 GMT

@Ladygray I wasn't suggesting that you should confront your boss - that's a completely different thing. I just thought it might be helpful to you/your psyche /your confidence to say something to the therapist. Maybe especially since what you are going through with your boss is a situation where you really can't say anything - that this situation has reared it's head and is an opportunity to express youself. I can imagine you will leave this person and find another to work with. Personally I wouldn't report her, and even tho it's not an easy thing I think it's a better idea to tell her why you are leaving rather than just leave. It can be healthy to say something. Not always easy tho.