topic Re: I'm In A Funk in Community Chat

I'm In A Funk

Jordan2 — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 01:22:03 GMT

Long story short, my mother passed away 1/31/20, I took care of her, we were very close. I feel that I should be further along in my grief process, but I'm not. Yesterday was the 10 year anniversary of my brother's death, we were very close too. My birthday is on the 13th of this month, I know it will be very sad and difficult day for me. My sister's mother-in-law's birthday is the day after mine, I sat listening to everything her children are planning for her, no plans for me. I know I would probably do well with therapy, but I am not the type to open up to a stranger. I feel there is a sadness surrounding me, I have no joy in my life.

Re: I'm In A Funk

Mary Bailey — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 01:28:47 GMT

@Jordan2 I feel your pain. We have sons they don't do much for us for anniversaries or birthdays. Are your children sons & her children's daughters?

I'm very sentimental so it hurts me more than it does DH.

Re: I'm In A Funk

chessylady — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 01:29:30 GMT

Plan something for your birthday that makes you feel good, a mani- pedi, a spa day or a lunch with a friend. Start exploring things you once loved and get involved again. Sad days will come and go but they shouldn't all be sad. Exercise also helps.

Re: I'm In A Funk

Jaspersmom — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 01:39:28 GMT

Everyone you meet for the first time is a stranger. Your doctors were strangers to you during your first appointment with them. Would you not tell them what pains you were experiencing?

Grief has no timeline. Don't measure yourself against what others tell you should or shouldn't be doing.

Anything can trigger grief and sadness. Sometimes it's a milestone anniversary and sometimes it's nothing more than a day in the week or the weather or a song or even something mundane. Understand what it is and know it's okay to feel this way.

Let others know you feel empty or lonely or sad. Others aren't mind readers, so don't expect them to know what's in your head. If you need to be around people, tell them that.

You'll find joy when you find something that gives you purpose. Many people find that in doing volunteer work. I work with an organization that trains service dogs and I get to meet the people who receive the dogs. I love animals, so I get the benefits of helping people and animals all at the same time.

Life will never be what it was because you've lost people you love. Life will be different, but it will be what you make it. You have to put some effort into it, but in time you'll find something that brings you the joy you seek.

Re: I'm In A Funk

Jordan2 — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 01:33:26 GMT

@Mary Bailey wrote:
@Jordan2 I feel your pain. We have sons they don't do much for us for anniversaries or birthdays. Are your children sons & her children's daughters?
I'm very sentimental so it hurts me more than it does DH.

I'm not married and don't have any children. I have a sister and she has children but they're grown and have their own lives.

Re: I'm In A Funk

MJDinVegas — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 01:34:03 GMT

@Jordan2 , I'm so sorry for your losses. Everyone's grief process is different and yours may take more time. Don't try to rush it.

Happy birthday on July 13th! Interesting-my granddaughter will be 10 and I take Communion to a woman who will be 97 on July 13. A full range of life on that one day!

I pray you will find peace and comfort! 🙏

Re: I'm In A Funk

deepwaterdotter — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 01:37:59 GMT

Good advive to take to heart @Jaspersmom .

Re: I'm In A Funk

suzyQ3 — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 01:38:57 GMT

I'm so very sorry, @Jordan2. I hope you can find some joy even in something very little. And remember that we are here for you.

Re: I'm In A Funk

Mary Bailey — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 01:42:02 GMT

@Jordan2 wrote:
@Mary Bailey wrote:
@Jordan2 I feel your pain. We have sons they don't do much for us for anniversaries or birthdays. Are your children sons & her children's daughters?
I'm very sentimental so it hurts me more than it does DH.
I'm not married and don't have any children. I have a sister and she has children but they're grown and have their own lives.

@Jordan2 I rejoice in your Birthday. Please find your own joy

I'm trying to do that. It's difficult. Having DH & family does not guarantee happiness. I also am in in a funk. Truely.

Re: I'm In A Funk

On It — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 01:48:54 GMT

I agree that you need to plan something special for yourself. Even if it is as simple as treating yourself to your favorite cupcake or ordering your favorite take-out lunch. Don't let the day pass without doing something special for yourself. Meanwhile, we are thinking of you and want you to have better days ahead.

Re: I'm In A Funk

ThinkingOutLoud — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 01:52:48 GMT

I'm sorry.

As mentioned, grief is different for everyone so take the time you feel you need with it.

As far as getting some joy and celebrating your birthday, find things you can do for others. Sometimes secret service is the funnest kind. One idea for your birthday - not sure how old you're turning but maybe come up with that many ways or people to do something for (ie donate to charities, send notes, paint rocks and leave them for people to find, etc). These are just a couple things that you can do on your own time (schedules can be challenging when not feeling up to doing much).

Sending hugs.

Re: I'm In A Funk

hckynut — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 01:53:45 GMT

@Jordan2

I will make this short. In the mid '90's I lost interest in everything in life. That is when I asked my wife to take me to the hospital. I had myself admitted into the Mental Health Ward, where I spent 7+ days.

My diagnosis was Clinical Depression and Anxiety/Panic Disorder. Without that help I would not be here.

Won't go into family members that died, but there were several very close to me. I said this would be short, and that is my summation.

I wish you well

hckynut

Re: I'm In A Funk

Jordan2 — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 02:09:04 GMT

Thank you all for the kind words and advice. I find people on these boards kinder and nicer than those that are suppose to be close to me.

Re: I'm In A Funk

Mary Bailey — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 02:14:11 GMT

@Jordan2you deserve to be treated well We are here for you

Re: I'm In A Funk

Foxxee — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 02:21:14 GMT

I was talking with Hospice one day when the representative told me some people take up two years to go through the grieving process.

It's best to let them take all the time they need, not to push it. Don't tell them to get out and do things when they aren't ready. So, I won't. After two years, she suggested the person see a professional for help.

I wish I lived near you. I'd make sure your birthday was a very special day.

Re: I'm In A Funk

DiAnne — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 02:22:19 GMT

@Jordan2

Make plans for your own birthday. Invite a friend to a restaurant you have always wanted to try to "help celebrate you birthday" or plan something you have always wanted to do and invite someone to go with you.

Re: I'm In A Funk

spiderw — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 02:29:20 GMT

hckynut

Your post touched me and I commend you for sharing such a painful time and most of all for getting the help you needed. After my mother passed I too had to seek help, just talking to a professional and my friends helped. There is no shame in admitting we need support to get us through difficult and trying times. It shows strength when we think we don't have any. Thanks for posting.

Re: I'm In A Funk

Leggett28 — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 02:32:29 GMT

@Jordan2 I wish we knew each other we would have a really nice time on your birthday. Please remember your not the only one dealing with this 😘

Re: I'm In A Funk

just bee — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 02:36:38 GMT

@Jordan2

I can't imagine that loved ones who have passed would want us to live in pain.

I've always believed that when someone leaves us, we should carry on something that was important to that person.

When my sister died I started feeding the birds in the yard because that was something she did that was important to her. I donated to organizations that she had supported. I continue to watch films and listen to music she liked. There are several things I do to honor her by keeping what was special to her special.

I have found comfort in that.

Re: I'm In A Funk

spiderw — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 02:41:42 GMT

jordon2

Do not despair, just posting your feelings show you want help and support and do not hesitate to get it whether it be professional or support from family or friends. When I go through down times I talk to a friend or friends and find that just having someone listen helps.

I hope you find peace of mind and joy enters your life. Sometimes when we least expect it, our spirits are lifted by someone or something, may that come to you.