topic Re: BEST day ever in Community Chat

BEST day ever

GoneButNotForgotten — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 16:19:24 GMT

I really have two: the day I got married and the day son was born.

Marriage has turned out great--we just celebrated 40 years.

Son--not so much.

He's ok but since he married his wife, it's obvious that his parents are not important to him. I've been sick lately and even though he knows about it, he hasn't called or come by once. But I'm still glad he's my son. When he was a little guy, I would have laid down and died for him, I was so much in love. I still would (probably) but I don't think he'd appreciate it. On the other hand, if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have my granddaughter who is the world to me.

Re: BEST day ever

deepwaterdotter — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 16:24:29 GMT

I hope it's yet to come.

Re: BEST day ever

nana59 — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 16:31:21 GMT

you need to sit down with your son and have a heart-to-heart talk..........

Re: BEST day ever

QVCkitty1 — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 16:34:20 GMT

I really can't narrow it down. I'm grateful for this life and the family and friends I've been blessed with.

Re: BEST day ever

NicksmomESQ — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 16:34:22 GMT

I'm sorry to hear about your son's lack of attentiveness. I understand your devotion because I felt the same way about my son when he was growing up. I still do.

My son is married now. I have to say that I always worried about what would happen to our relationship if he married. I guess DH & I are lucky.We're closer to him than ever. DH just went through treatment for prostate cancer & my son has been there every step of the way. He's accompanied us to doctors appointments & visits,calls & texts often.
Maybe you can try talking to your son.It May help to remind him of the role you always played in his life. Sometimes a little reminder goes a long way.

Re: BEST day ever

Anonymous032819 — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 16:36:25 GMT

There's a saying that goes, "A daughter is a daughter all her life. A son is a son until he takes a wife"

He's married, and has a child. That's his family now, and is his priority.

Re: BEST day ever

SurferWife — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 16:40:42 GMT

Note: I'm sure this will get poofed, but I speak from the heart.

Best Day #1 - the day I believed in the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal savior.

Best Day #2 - the day I die & go home to be with him for all eternity.

Re: BEST day ever

stevieb — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 16:41:58 GMT

@Anonymous032819 wrote:
There's a saying that goes, "A daughter is a daughter all her life. A son is a son until he takes a wife"

He's married, and has a child. That's his family now, and is his priority.

Everyone, man or woman, son or daughter, is capable of having more than one priority... I know plenty of sons who have stayed close with their parents... It can be done... It can even be done when the daugher in law isn't a great fit, though it takes more of an effort...

Re: BEST day ever

stevieb — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 16:43:55 GMT

@deepwaterdotter wrote:
I hope it's yet to come.

I have my doubts, but boy can I relate to that perspective...

Re: BEST day ever

NicksmomESQ — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 16:44:31 GMT

@Anonymous032819 wrote:
There's a saying that goes, "A daughter is a daughter all her life. A son is a son until he takes a wife"

He's married, and has a child. That's his family now, and is his priority.

@Anonymous032819 With all due respect I have to disagree. There is no reason why a son can't remain close to his parents & still be a wonderful husband & father. My DIL is completely on board with them staying close to us. Family is family.There is no need to choose.

Re: BEST day ever

stevieb — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 16:47:54 GMT

@NicksmomESQ wrote:
I'm sorry to hear about your son's lack of attentiveness. I understand your devotion because I felt the same way about my son when he was growing up. I still do.
My son is married now. I have to say that I always worried about what would happen to our relationship if he married. I guess DH & I are lucky.We're closer to him than ever. DH just went through treatment for prostate cancer & my son has been there every step of the way. He's accompanied us to doctors appointments & visits,calls & texts often.
Maybe you can try talking to your son.It May help to remind him of the role you always played in his life. Sometimes a little reminder goes a long way.

A heart to heart about how the OP feels is one thing, imposing guilt, intentionally or not, is something altogether different. People tend to avoid people that make them feel guilty or that suggest something is somehow owed to them

Re: BEST day ever

colliegirls — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 16:52:08 GMT

Sadly, this is true for many of us with married sons. For some reason the wife thinks it is all about her and her family. I see it over and over again with my friends. It is very hard for the man's family. I don't understand it.

Re: BEST day ever

NicksmomESQ — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 16:57:22 GMT

@stevieb wrote:
@NicksmomESQ wrote:
I'm sorry to hear about your son's lack of attentiveness. I understand your devotion because I felt the same way about my son when he was growing up. I still do.
My son is married now. I have to say that I always worried about what would happen to our relationship if he married. I guess DH & I are lucky.We're closer to him than ever. DH just went through treatment for prostate cancer & my son has been there every step of the way. He's accompanied us to doctors appointments & visits,calls & texts often.
Maybe you can try talking to your son.It May help to remind him of the role you always played in his life. Sometimes a little reminder goes a long way.

A heart to heart about how the OP feels is one thing, imposing guilt, intentionally or not, is something altogether different. People tend to avoid people that make them feel guilty or that suggest something is somehow owed to them

@stevieb I totally agree with you. Trying to lay a guilt trip on your child, or anyone never works. I was thinking more about the OP having a heart to heart with her son.Her feelings are hurt it may just help to convey that to him.

Re: BEST day ever

deepwaterdotter — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 17:12:58 GMT

Guilt can easily result in resentment.

Re: BEST day ever

Anonymous032819 — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 17:13:03 GMT

@colliegirls wrote:
Sadly, this is true for many of us with married sons. For some reason the wife thinks it is all about her and her family. I see it over and over again with my friends. It is very hard for the man's family. I don't understand it.

That's because it is about the husband, wife and kid/s.

That's the new family, and that's where the priorities should be.

A parent's job is to guide, nurture and teach their child to be independent, caring, and to guide them in to adulthood. And then to encourage them to spread their wings, and to let them go to live their own lives, separate from mommy and daddy.

It seems to me that a lot of moms have a difficult time of cutting those apron strings, and allowing their adult children, sons especially, to live their own lives, take care of their own family, separate from them.

Re: BEST day ever

RetRN — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 21:45:08 GMT

@colliegirls wrote:
Sadly, this is true for many of us with married sons. For some reason the wife thinks it is all about her and her family. I see it over and over again with my friends. It is very hard for the man's family. I don't understand it.

I don't know, but I wonder if location may sometimes be a factor. Distance can make seeing others more difficult although they can certainly stay in touch via phone, texts, email, and other social media.

I think it is sometimes difficult for grandparents knowing that their grandchildren are much closer to the other grandparents.

Re: BEST day ever

decaf — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 17:22:58 GMT

SOME moms have difficulty cutting the apron strings. Also, if there's a lack of closeess between parents and child, sometimes it's just more apparent once that child marries. Then the parents can blame it on the new wife or new husband.

Re: BEST day ever

suzyQ3 — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 17:57:11 GMT

This is one of those threads in which we can only speculate.

Re: BEST day ever

NicksmomESQ — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 17:59:54 GMT

If there is closeness between mother/ father & child then it should remain after marriage. I have put zero pressure on my son. I have no problem with him living an independent life.Maybe that's why we are still close. His wife loves me & we are all extremely close. This applies to her parents as well. The 6 of us are planning another vacation together.
I was always close with my MIL.My DH adored his mother & I loved that about him. That's what made him such a wonderful husband & father. A man being close to his mother doesn't make him weak. It makes him strong. It makes him a better husband. There's a difference between a good son & a mamma's boy. One is a man & the other is still a child. My DH & son are both men.I feel lucky to have them in my life.My DIL has thanked me on numerous occasions for "raising such a caring & loving son".

Re: BEST day ever

Love my grandkids — Sat, 19 Jun 2021 18:19:13 GMT

@NicksmomESQ I agree 100%. I'm now in WA state since 2010 and DS and family are down in my native So.Cal.

We have always been close and still are, as I am to my DDIL and grandkids. We talk, text and email many times during the week.

I think the way the OP's son has behaved is abominable. He apparently lives nearby but you'd never know it.