topic Re: Company - Staying Over in Community Chat

Company - Staying Over

jellyBEAN — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 10:25:39 GMT

How does everyone feel about having company staying over at their home for several days? I look forward to company, but I also look forward to them leaving so I can get back to my normal routine.

I have a family member who comes and visits quite often. He's gone thru a rough patch and came down to stay with me for several days. His habits and interests are the opposite of mine. He doesn't say much, expects meals, goes to bed at 8pm and is up at 4am roaming around the house. I don't know, I love my family member but its a lot of work for me. I also know we won't be around that much longer so I try and go with the flow.

How does everyone else feel? We were never close growing up, so he's not someone I'm extremely close to even if he is family. Always seems my house is a wreck in some way when he leaves and I spend the entire day fixing things and washing things and cleaning things and straightening up. I'm guessing this is a normal way for some people to feel when they are used to being by themselves.

I live in sort of a vacation spot area and thats why he decides to come here often. I don't think its for my company, I think its just because he's bored.

Re: Company - Staying Over

Winkk — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 10:38:03 GMT

Personally I do not like being a guest or having a guest. I feel out of place at someone else's house and if someone was at my house I feel as though I have to entertain them.

But, I have a small family who lives pretty close so there is no need for them to stay. And, I have a small home w/o any extra bedrooms.

Re: Company - Staying Over

chiclet — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 10:39:17 GMT

When I was single and had a single girlfriend come and stay it was fun but being married changes that. I hate having to worry about feeding people for days and entertaining them. I also don't want to go stay with someone and put them out. My neighbor has constant company that stays for a few days to a week with dogs etc.... I definitely think if you live in an area like close to Disney land or the beach etc. you get more company.

Re: Company - Staying Over

catter70 — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 10:42:45 GMT

No way.

Re: Company - Staying Over

CalminHeart — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 10:45:51 GMT

Fish and company start to stink after a couple of days.

I'd spell out how long he could stay - 2 days? - before he came.

Re: Company - Staying Over

godi — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 10:53:58 GMT

I do not like being or having house guests.

Re: Company - Staying Over

AngelPuppy1 — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 11:02:49 GMT

I admit that I don't enjoy either having people staying over or staying over at someone's home. It just isn't comfortable for me.

Re: Company - Staying Over

queendiva — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 11:08:04 GMT

@jellyBEAN : your family member is clearly not there for love of you. it's for love of himself. Does he ever offer to reciprocate? Take you out for dinners? (of course not).

He can not make you miserable without your permission. He was NOT invited- he informed you he was coming. His "rough patch" is his excuse/ story and NOT your problem to fix!

If it were me, I would inform HIM that I was no longer able to accommodate him in my home for his visit. No need for an expplanation.There would be not a word of apology from me. His behaviors brought this on himself: an inconsiderate, selfish guest. He might be angry or give you a sob story- or both. Rehearse and repeat your statement and cut the call short.

Call so that you are sure he got your message. People can and do deny receiving messages by email or text.

I would tell him before the sun sets today. You will fell a lot better the sooner you do this. Trust me and let us know the result.

Re: Company - Staying Over

Miss Pepsi — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 11:10:36 GMT

Wow I thought I was going to be in the minority. When i visit, I stay at a hotel. I like my own space. When people come here I prefer them to come for the day or evening and then stay at a hotel.

I don't like intruding on other people and while I love to entertain, I also want people to leave at the end of the day. I don't think its rude, I just think its my preferance.

The exception to this is my daughter and her hubby. However they don;t live that far so the only time they stay is if it is very late or if we have all been drinking which doesn;t happen often but on the rare occasion it does, they just crash at my house.

Re: Company - Staying Over

CelticCrafter — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 11:12:11 GMT

He's using you and you are allowing it to happen.

Re: Company - Staying Over

BostonMommy — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 11:51:26 GMT

When we had a bigger house we used to have house guests. I enjoyed having them as long as they pitched in and cleaned up after themselves. Some did help, some left my house a mess. and me worn out entertaining them.

I had 2 sets of sheets one set was top quality and another set was not ..... just saying if you don't want them staying too long put the stiffer less quality sheets and bedding on the guest bed.

Since then we moved to a smaller home in a different state. Chose to make the extra bedrooms into our hobby rooms with NO guest bed. There are several hotels around here that company can stay

Re: Company - Staying Over

kaydee50 — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 12:00:01 GMT

The only time we had someone stay for more than 1 night was DH's friend who was with us for 3 nights. He and husband went off during the day and DH did the cooking at night or we went to restaurants. Another time a friend and her husband asked if they could stay with us for a few nights and I told her we really didnt have the room for 2. I like my privacy too much to share with anyone for more than a night.

So basically I would suggest staying at a hotel even if it meant my contributing to the cost of it.

And unlike my DH, I hate staying at other people's homes. Give me a hotel any day!!!

Re: Company - Staying Over

qualitygal — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 12:11:22 GMT

Oh my gosh, you're so nice to put up with that. I only read the beginning, but I came away with, Elearnor Roosevelt's saying of: No one can take an advantage of you, without your permission. (I'm older now, and laying it on the line, so appeals to me.) Helping out of a rough time is fine, but I reserve the right to tell you NO. It's personal choice on to do or not.

Re: Company - Staying Over

skatting44 — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 12:16:23 GMT

One good reason to never offer an " open invitation to visit whenever ".

If you feel you are not deriving any benefit from his visiting such as him offering to mow your yard or help around the house than I'd just tell him that you're no longer into having visitors in your home .

Re: Company - Staying Over

Sweetbay magnolia — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 12:21:03 GMT

I don't like it, and I don't appreciate family assuming that it is automatically "OK" somehow because we are related.

I've come to expect, respect for my wishes. That's all. I've had the unannounced drop-ins and that does not work for me. As painful as it was, I have made that clear and an understanding has been reached. Feathers got ruffled, but that has smoothed over.

"Bbbut she's your sister!" Yes. Especially as such, empathy, understanding, love, and respect is not too much to ask, IMO. Let's make other accommodations and then enjoy the time we choose to spend together.

I value my own time far too much to be uncomfortable when it is not necessary, especially with some planning and forethought.

Re: Company - Staying Over

Pook — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 12:24:55 GMT

Never want anyone staying and never want to stay at anyone's home. I would be very uncomfortable in both situations. I value my privacy and my home is my refuge from others. I also feel the same way about even a few hour visit. Anyone who allows this deserves the inconvenience and I have no sympathy!

Re: Company - Staying Over

Mary Bailey — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 12:28:46 GMT

For us, if someone needed to stay with us because their furnace went out - something like that - for a day or two. Okay

But for vacation, if they can afford a vacation, then they can afford a hotel room. No way.

Re: Company - Staying Over

tends2dogs — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 12:31:09 GMT

@jellyBEAN wrote:
How does everyone feel about having company staying over at their home for several days? I look forward to company, but I also look forward to them leaving so I can get back to my normal routine.

I have a family member who comes and visits quite often. He's gone thru a rough patch and came down to stay with me for several days. His habits and interests are the opposite of mine. He doesn't say much, expects meals, goes to bed at 8pm and is up at 4am roaming around the house. I don't know, I love my family member but its a lot of work for me. I also know we won't be around that much longer so I try and go with the flow.

How does everyone else feel? We were never close growing up, so he's not someone I'm extremely close to even if he is family. Always seems my house is a wreck in some way when he leaves and I spend the entire day fixing things and washing things and cleaning things and straightening up. I'm guessing this is a normal way for some people to feel when they are used to being by themselves.

I live in sort of a vacation spot area and thats why he decides to come here often. I don't think its for my company, I think its just because he's bored.

Reread your post, @jellyBEAN . I think you know what you should and want to do. You said that you are both getting up there in age. Tell your family member that it is getting to be too much for you to host a guest in your home. Give him a list of motel/hotels in the area. Have him over for a dinner or two or even better, meet him at a restaurant. I personally would not like someone wondering around my house at 4 in the morning. It is extremely intrusive.

Telling him this is not mean or inconsiderate. He is the one acting that way. He will continue to do it as long as you allow it. I personally hate to have houseguests (except our daughter or my sister) and I hate being one. We always stay at a motel. I like privacy too much.

Now go and do what you know you should do. He sounds like he has a tough hide. He can take it.

Re: Company - Staying Over

freakygirl — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 12:32:17 GMT

i hate imposing on anyone, family included. when i visit, i stay in a hotel and expect (and hope!), visitors will do likewise when visiting me. i like my own space, and i think it keeps the peace.

its your house. make the rules and enforce them.

Re: Company - Staying Over

Biftu — Fri, 18 Jun 2021 12:44:15 GMT

I have different sets of guests staying over at least a few times a year. I'm usually itching for them to leave after three or four days. I have mixed feelings about their stay. I enjoy spending time with them but it can be expensive and exhausting. Insuring I have enough clean towels, changing the sheets, cooking, clean up and food shopping, and coming up with activities can be a bit much. Then the clean up and laundry when they leave. Those that come with kids can be especially daunting. I try to cook ahead if possible. Breakfasts are the worse. After a few nights I generally order take out. My vegetarian guests can make things even more difficult. None of my guests ever leaving a mess and make the beds when they leave. So while I have mixed feelings, life is short and I make the most of it and embrace the company of my guests.