topic Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket in Community Chat

Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

beach-mom — Sat, 12 Jun 2021 22:29:37 GMT

One of my best friends (there are three of us who do everything together, or did before quarantine) called a while ago with the news that her mom just died. It wasn't unexpected, but still. . .

I want to send or take food to them. They are not having any service, just a short one for interment for the immediate family.

When her MIL died we were away visiting family and I sent a food basket.

Here's my dilemma: She comes from a large local Italian family and they will be inundated with food. And she is very close to her neighbors. Even if I make something, I doubt they will get to eat it. Her brother is staying with them, but he's the only one. She's not a big plant person.

I don't know what to do. Obviously I knew her mom, and my heart is breaking for her.

Any advice? TIA!

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

NicksmomESQ — Sat, 12 Jun 2021 22:37:55 GMT

@beach-mom I would buy her a gift card to her favorite restaurant or food delivery service. This way after everyone is gone & there's no one bringing food she can appreciate & use your gift when she's ready.

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

beach-mom — Sat, 12 Jun 2021 22:43:50 GMT

@NicksmomESQ wrote:
@beach-mom I would buy her a gift card to her favorite restaurant or food delivery service. This way after everyone is gone & there's no one bringing food she can appreciate & use your gift when she's ready.

Thanks @NicksmomESQ- Good idea! Or maybe we can take her out- we're backed up on our birthday celebrations. But I think a restaurant gift card for her and her DH would be a good idea. I know her favorite place!

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

ScrapHappy — Sat, 12 Jun 2021 22:44:25 GMT

I sent a Wolferman's gift basket once when my good friends mother passed. She said it was well received, her brother especially liked it.

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

ThinkingOutLoud — Sat, 12 Jun 2021 22:45:04 GMT

hmmm - off the top of my head:

~ do something smaller now and send food later when everyone 'goes on their way'

~ send paper goods so she doesn't have to do dishes

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

beach-mom — Sat, 12 Jun 2021 22:47:39 GMT

Thanks @ScrapHappy and @ThinkingOutLoud! The paper goods is an excellent idea! I will get some tomorrow afternoon and take them over!

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

Greeneyedlady21 — Sat, 12 Jun 2021 22:49:37 GMT

My thoughts are to just be there for her later, when people aren't any longer. That has just been my experience. So many people don't understand grieving and it makes them so uncomfortable. Be there to just listen without judgment. I would rather have that than any gift.

As for a gift, a charity donation in her Mom's name.

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

On It — Sat, 12 Jun 2021 22:52:06 GMT

@ThinkingOutLoud wrote:
hmmm - off the top of my head:

~ do something smaller now and send food later when everyone 'goes on their way'
~ send paper goods so she doesn't have to do dishes

I have sent Chinet paper plates, plastic cups, coffee paper cups, paper napkins, Folgers coffee, and Lipton tea. With extra people coming and going it really helps keep the dirty dishes under control and those are things that can be used on a daily basis after everything calms down.

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

new nickname 4 — Sat, 12 Jun 2021 22:56:50 GMT

Oh how sweet that you are thinking of her -what would you think of giving her something just for her? After my husband died (although I didn't have a family to care or cook for), I didn't care about eating. I stumbled across a serenity prayer bracelet., costume jewelery so not expensive, but there are many inspirational bracelets or necklaces to find in either religious or not I wore it for months, until I felt strong enough to take it off. I will pass it on to my next family member who loses someone they love.

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

Zernia Rose — Sat, 12 Jun 2021 23:02:04 GMT

I have sent perennial plants that bloom for planting in a garden for the deceased. I did it recently for two friends and bore were comforted by and appreciated the gift and what it could represent.

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

KingstonsMom — Sat, 12 Jun 2021 23:03:34 GMT

@beach-mom

You have some good ideas here, but if you want to go in a different direction than food, since they'll have so much, what about a 'pamper me/spa' type basket?

You could put lots of bath salts, lotion, yummy soaps, etc. type items in it that she can just relax, have some private time to just take care of 'her'.

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

Katcat1 — Sat, 12 Jun 2021 23:10:32 GMT

@beach-mom What was the cause of death? if Cancer, you could donate a monetary gift in her name. Whatever the cause you can still donate to the cause.

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

Sooner — Sat, 12 Jun 2021 23:21:33 GMT

@beach-mom wrote:
Thanks @ScrapHappy and @ThinkingOutLoud! The paper goods is an excellent idea! I will get some tomorrow afternoon and take them over!

@beach-mom And call and ask if they need ice! One of those convenience cheap coolers with a bag of ice might be a good thing.

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

Mistreatedbycs — Sat, 12 Jun 2021 23:33:40 GMT

I would suggest calling the Church and asking them if they have a Tree of Life on their walls to remember their members of past. If food is on your mind, Cheryl's has a sympathy package or any of those companies who are associated with Cheryls.

Allow 10 days to it there though, it's not them shipping it, it's that Smartpost delivery service that takes "years" for the package to move.

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

Pearlee — Sat, 12 Jun 2021 23:34:03 GMT

You can fund an "In Memory Of [whomever] bench in a park, or have a plaque inscribed In Memory of her to hang someplace of significance to her. A university near me that has a big cancer research center allows people to "buy a brick" on a brick walkway around the center and they put the In Memory Of inscription on the brick. Our downtown theater where there are plays and movies puts In Memory Of nameplates on the seat arms in Memory of people who loved the theater or movies.

There are lots of non food options!

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

Gw320 — Sat, 12 Jun 2021 23:37:53 GMT

When my father passed a neighbor brought over their cooler filled with ice, water and pop. It was greatly appreciated as we had tons of food. Ever since then when someone close has a family member pass I do the same,

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

redwrite — Sun, 13 Jun 2021 00:29:17 GMT

Years ago, a young man from a very large family was killed in a car accident. Very large family, small town-many, many people were at their farm, extending condolences. We had brought a sliced ham, bread, butter, etc. Someone who had arrived just ahead of us had brought a cake. I shall never forget what the grieving mother said to me. We hugged, and with a look of...shock, sadness, bewilderment-a myriad of emotions-she said, "Cake. Cake...How am I supposed to feed cake to all of these people?"

In the throes of just having lost a child, at that moment, she was worried about not having enough forks and plates to feed the ever-growing group of people at her house.

I don't know why that moment has stuck with me for so long, but I make sure to send something functional as well-plastic dinnerware, napkins, cooler with cold sodas, container of coffee, etc.

So, @On It -I second your idea!

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

kathie66 — Sun, 13 Jun 2021 01:28:20 GMT

@beach-mom

When my Dad passed unexpectedly in October friends and neighbors were so kind to my family. We received hot food, cold cuts, wraps, and rolls. Bagels cream cheese donuts coffee and tea at breakfast time. Water, Gatorade, and juice boxes were so appreciated as well as a neighbor bringing fresh fruit and paper goods they even included paper table cloths. Do they need any seating for visitors outside or in? Folding chairs and an extra table outside were so helpful to us. Also, do they need anyone to stay at the house during the service to help set up food for them or manage any deliveries or any childcare? I am so sorry and will keep your friend, her Mom, and you in my prayers.

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

haddon9 — Sun, 13 Jun 2021 01:40:22 GMT

@beach-mom Honestly anything would be appreciated...just make sure that they know who it's from.

My own mother passed away a few weeks ago and I received mystery flowers. It is a professional arrangement and had a card in the pick with my name, address & phone number along with a sympathy sentiment....no idea who it's from! Plus there is no name of a florist on the card either.

I ended up calling five local florists who all checked but they each said that their name would have been on the card. This is frustrating since I can't thank the sender....this has never happened to me and it was starting to become a ridiculous project trying to figure out who it's from.

Re: Advice for Sympathy Gift Basket

RedTop — Sun, 13 Jun 2021 01:53:55 GMT

@haddon9

Deepest sympathy to you in the loss of your mother.