topic Re: For those who are currently married or have been married in Community Chat

For those who are currently married or have been married

suzyQ3 — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 21:24:29 GMT

I'm curious how people feel about remarrying after the loss of your spouse or after a divorce. I promise not to hold you to your answer if you should change your mind.:-)

I have been thinking more about this as my husband and I age. My feeling at this time is that I would rather not date or marry anyone.

How about you?

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

Love my grandkids — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 21:29:58 GMT

@suzyQ3 My wonderful, thoughtful, caring and sometimes aggravating husband (smile) died in 2009. I have zero interest in dating or remarrying.

I miss him still.

However, I think it's up to each person. If a woman want to date or remarry, more power to her.

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

chickenbutt — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 21:27:52 GMT

Never again, and you can hold me to that!

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

itsmagic — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 21:29:34 GMT

No I would not remarry.

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

riley1 — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 21:32:38 GMT

Nope, as much as I love my darling hubby, I'm not doing this again. Once was enough.

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

CrazyKittyLvr2 — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 21:35:41 GMT

@suzyQ3 My DH died almost 2 years ago. I have absolutely no interest in dating at 70 let alone remarrying.

I have had to tell a few of family members and friends to backoff. They are he**bent that I need a mate. My 15 yr. old grand niece tried to tell me I need to do online dating. The kid isn't allowed to date herself.

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

Nancy Drew — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 21:38:59 GMT

I got married at age 21 and have been married for 38 years. I have a wonderful husband. No other man is ever going to live up to him. Then add in I entertain myself very well. I have enough people in my life that I never feel lonely. I have my family to help me if I need health related help. Financially I am comfortable to help with aging issues. I also know that what men are single out there? A widow or divorcée with his family to contend with, even worse a man never married who wouldn't want to contend with my family. Legally married means legally sharing money. Ummm no, not happening. More care taking and work for what? No me and my animals are doing just fine.

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

Venezia — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 21:37:51 GMT

I have a close friend who's been divorced twice and is adamant she will never remarry. I'm certain that is true for her.

I was divorced after 6 years with my first husband and it was not a good marriage or aftermath. I swore I would never remarry, but my dear father said I was too young to spend the rest of my life alone.

Then I met my current husband. I've since said I've had one bad marriage and one good one. That's enough for me.

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

agb80 — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 21:40:20 GMT

I doubt that I would remarry but if I go first, my husband definitely needs a wife and I told him to absolutely find someone. Don't get me wrong, he's not an invalid or anything like that...he just needs someone to laugh at his jokes.

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

Big Joanie — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 21:44:17 GMT

One and Done for me ....

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

NicksmomESQ — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 21:47:04 GMT

My DH & I have been married over 40 years. He is the love of my life . We have a wonderful marriage.He always has my back & treats me like gold. No one will ever measure up to him in my eyes.So the answer is no.I would have zero interest in another relationship.After having filet mignon why would I want hamburger?

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

Katcat1 — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 21:49:00 GMT

@suzyQ3 When I divorced, I did not want marriage again. My divorce took 2 years and was stressful. I had been thru alot of stress in the last couple of years of my marriage. I don't regret my decision and I enjoy being single and on my own. Now that I am retired I live in an all senior apt. You end up having a lot in common with your neighbors but still your privacy.

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

gidgetgh — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 22:16:20 GMT

@suzyQ3 - this is a tough one.

As you all know, my husband passed away last summer. It was, and continues to be, the most difficult "thing" I've ever gone through. The grief, at times, and loneliness, is intense. I miss him terribly.

I still wear my engagement and wedding rings. Even though I'm not married anymore, I still FEEL married. I consider myself married and that my husband just isn't here. I have no plans at this point to take my rings off. Just can't face that yet and I don't have to. Might wear them forever, might take them off tomorrow. Who knows.

I am 65 and have given some fleeting thought as to whether I'd like to date again at some point and remarry, or not remarry. I am by no means ready to venture out into dating land. It is WAY too soon. I'm still an emotional mess and with Covid and everything, nope.

But I would hope that maybe some day, down the road, I could be in a relationship again.....maybe. I'm a really nice person and a social person and feel I have something positive to offer to a relationship and to another person and I would like to think I would be ready some day. But I loved my husband very much and when I think about another relationship some day it gives me the willies a little and makes me feel disloyal to my husband, which is ridiculous, but it's how I feel.

So maybe I will be a one and done person. Who knows.

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

beach-mom — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 22:05:43 GMT

@suzyQ3 - Interesting conversation. I have a lot of friends who are widows and one SIL. Most have no desire to marry again, but one has been engaged and now has a steady "friend," who treats her so well- we all love him!

Now, two of my aunts died in their 50's - one very suddenly. My uncle called my mom a week after the service for help. Ironically my grandfather had died young and no one was ready. My uncle didn't want his wife to go through what my grandmother did, so he made sure my aunt could handle things herself. She handled the finances and most everything. He told my mom he didn't even know how to buy underwear- she had done that.

The lawyer who handled my aunt's estate was a good friend of theirs. My uncle married the lawyer's secretary a year later. I had a hard time with that, but my mom said he had had a happy marriage and wanted another one.

My other widowed uncle never remarried.

My MIL also died in her 50's. DH's youngest sister was still a teenager. Within a year my FIL had met someone at a "Parents Without Partners" picnic who had been widowed 5 years. They married less than a year later. DH's sisters had a difficult time, but I adored her. She was the grandmother my children knew.

Both my FIL and my uncle married women completely different in personality from their first wives, but I was close to both of them- just not geographically close.

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

Luvsmyfam — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 22:00:06 GMT

being single and divorced is no picnic.i would give anything for a companion.and if it developed into something more,I would remarry.sometimes I married my high-school sweetheart.in June I would have been married 40 yrs.

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

AlAnn — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 22:00:28 GMT

My closest aunt is 84. Her husband died 10 years ago. Recently she met a wonderful man. They do everything together. She would marry him tomorrow if he would. He is the one who does not want to remarry. He is a widower of many years also.

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

RedTop — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 22:01:22 GMT

My husband and I have been married 46 years; no regrets, but I have no interest or desire to be married to anyone else.

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

CAcableGirl2 — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 22:01:53 GMT

I guess it depends on whether or not you can enjoy life by yourself at times and be comfortable making your own decisions, and be OK with being alone. I live alone, have a great job, great friends, and family, and WOULD NEVER GET MARRIED AGAIN. That isn't going to change.

Some people can't be alone....like my ex-husband and others I've known. The marriage ends, and within weeks/months they are living with another person. In my case, it's been about 5 years, and I can only imagine how much he is driving her crazy by now! Meanwhile, life has never been better for me!

Don't get me wrong, we are on a friendly basis, but when he started to dictate to me what I needed to do, I found myself stating "I don't have to listen to what your opinion is any longer". And he stopped, and hasn't tried that again.

Do what makes you happy, single, dating or married, either way, life is too short to be unhappy.

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

suzyQ3 — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 22:02:34 GMT

@gidgetgh wrote:
@suzyQ3 - this is a tough one.

As you all know, my husband passed away last summer. It was, and continues to be, the most difficult "thing" I've ever gone through. The grief, at times, and loneliness, is intense. I miss him terribly.

I still wear my engagement and wedding rings. Even though I'm not married anymore, I still FEEL married. I consider myself married and that my husband just isn't here. I have no plans at this point to take my rings off. Just can't face that yet and I don't have to. Might wear them forever, might take them off tomorrow. Who knows.

I am 65 and have given some fleeting thought as to whether I'd like to date again at some point and remarry, or not remarry. I am by no means ready to venture out into dating land. It is WAY too soon. I'm still an emotional mess and with Covid and everything, nope.

But I would hope that maybe some day, down the road, I could be in a relationship again.....maybe. I'm a really nice person and a social person and feel I have something positive to offer to a relationship and to another person and I would like to think I would be ready some day. But I loved my husband very much and when I think about another relationship some day it gives me the willies a little and makes my feel disloyal to my husband, which is ridiculous, but it's how I feel.

So maybe I will be a one and done person. Who knows.

@gidgetgh, yes, you definitely seem to be a very nice person! And I appreciate your mix of thoughts here.

Re: For those who are currently married or have been married

Porcelain — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 22:06:04 GMT

DH was a widower when I met him. So I'm glad his previous wife told him she wanted him to find companionship again after she passed.

I'm so grateful to the amazing lady who went before me and sort of broke my DH in. She helped to teach him to be a great partner. (According to him, she ran into many of the same small faults and habits I've run into. So sometimes I sort of feel like her spirit is on my side when he annoys me. In a good way.)

Would I want either of us to eventually find more love if one of us passed? Absolutely. Not immediately, necessarily. But I know each of us wants the other to be happy. And unless my feelings about marital companionship changed, I'd still want to love and be loved. If he wanted that too, I'd want it for him.