topic Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree" in Community Chat

Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

Nataliesgramma — Mon, 08 Feb 2021 22:50:50 GMT

We have relatives in Canada on my mother's side. A distant cousin has emailed me asking for the names and dates of birth and death of the side of the Family here.

I know this distant cosuin, but I haven't had any contact with him for about 20 years.

In this age of Identity theft, is it safe to give him this information?

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

Kachina624 — Mon, 08 Feb 2021 22:59:14 GMT

All the info he's seeking is a matter of public record and available from genealogical resources. Getting the info from you probably makes the search a little easier. I think you're being a bit paranoid.

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

grandma r — Mon, 08 Feb 2021 23:02:00 GMT

@Nataliesgramma. While the family tree is a nice idea, I wouldn't send any info based solely on an email. Too many scammers out there who target seniors. I would try to get a phone number from a relative and call him directly.

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

nana59 — Mon, 08 Feb 2021 23:05:25 GMT

if you haven't had any contact with this relative for almost 20 years....i would let him do the research on his own time.....jmo.....

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

SilleeMee — Mon, 08 Feb 2021 23:07:28 GMT

A few times there was a person trying to contact me through AncestryDNA, where I have a profile, and that person messaged me using the message board there. I declined answering any questions because I'm not interested in any relatives I might have, especially ones I've never heard of or don't even know existed. Some things are best kept unknown.

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

ValuSkr — Mon, 08 Feb 2021 23:08:33 GMT

I would provide dates for deceased relatives only. Even though dates for the living may be publicly available somewhere, why make it easy for the scammers.

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

Suziepeach — Mon, 08 Feb 2021 23:42:32 GMT

My family trees (both maternal and paternal) are private, no one has access but myself. If someone wants to look information up, then they should do it themselves.

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

froggy — Mon, 08 Feb 2021 23:22:48 GMT

Before my Mom died a couple of years ago she was asking me for similar info about my husband and his family (obviously she knew mine) but I declined to give it to her. Not my job to give out other people's info. And I was afraid she'd start posting stuff on Facebook. I know people can get a lot of info already but I'm not going to help them. And I definitely would not give anything to a distant relative who I wan not in touch with. I never answer any of the inquiries from Ancestry either.

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

SXMGirl — Mon, 08 Feb 2021 23:33:36 GMT

@SilleeMee I agree with you with the exception if someone needs medical info. I had a decent match on my paternal side, and I have no information at all, but I finally found someone who probably could tell me any medical info, which I need. They never responded. I have some medical info that they may need in the future, and it would be to their benefit to know, but I was not going to keep trying to contact them. My feeling is that if it is a match on Ancestry that it is safe to contact that person.

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

goldensrbest — Mon, 08 Feb 2021 23:38:13 GMT

About 9 yrs. ago i really got into family history, joined a few on line research, i found out quite alot, even went to salt lake to track down any info ,on my dads family ,i was looking for american indian , his mom was half, but found out nothing on that, i enjoyed researching and looking for people.

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

LuvmyLab — Mon, 08 Feb 2021 23:42:33 GMT

If you aren't close, which you state you aren't, I would let he/she do the research. My dad did a whole book on the family tree of our family including all the inlaws which was quite a task. He did the research all on his own.

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

Nataliesgramma — Mon, 08 Feb 2021 23:57:46 GMT

I know this is really my distant Cousin....another Cousin I email weekly knows him well and she was the one who gave him my email (with my permission)

I am probably the oldest here in the States that would know the relatives here and that is why he contacted me....

While I can understand wanting to pass down Family geneology, I don't want any long lost people getting in touch with me. I know that sounds selfish, but we are in our late 60's and just don't want to be bothered with people we don't know.

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

patbz — Tue, 09 Feb 2021 00:24:23 GMT

I have given Ancestry.com kits to my immediate family and several have really enjoyed them. However I saw last weeks 60 Minutes show about gathering DNA data, not necessarily for good. Companies and countries are in this business; they specifically warned against using such companies as Ancestry.com ( but there are so many bigger things to worry about ).

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

Anonymous032819 — Tue, 09 Feb 2021 00:59:41 GMT

@Nataliesgramma wrote:
I know this is really my distant Cousin....another Cousin I email weekly knows him well and she was the one who gave him my email (with my permission)

I am probably the oldest here in the States that would know the relatives here and that is why he contacted me....

While I can understand wanting to pass down Family geneology, I don't want any long lost people getting in touch with me. I know that sounds selfish, but we are in our late 60's and just don't want to be bothered with people we don't know.

@Nataliesgramma

If you trust him, I would do it.

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

Puppy Lips — Tue, 09 Feb 2021 01:00:45 GMT

This is a timely topic for me. My brother’s wife started doing. a Family tree months ago. She was contacting everyone, wanting names, dates of birth of everyone and their kids, dates they got married, divorced, photos of weddings (even previous spouses), etc. well my Aunt got really upset about her repeatedly contacting her until my Aunt finally said she was not comfortable giving out that info. Then my SIL sent a not so nice response to her. Shortly after that my Mom passed and my Aunt would not return my brother’s phone call (so he could tell her) because she thought it was about the genealogy info. I had to step in. Then it was uncomfortable at the funeral between my SIL and Aunt. She also upset another relative because he had just lost a sibling and she was asking all these questions. For me, as long as I know the family that I do know, and how to contact them, I don’t have to have details about second cousins and long lost relatives. I don’t know why it really matters to some people.

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

jannabelle1 — Tue, 09 Feb 2021 01:24:23 GMT

Your distant cousin sounds a bit lazy to me. As others have said, this information is available elsewhere. I personally wouldn't spend the time putting it all together for him, especially since you haven't heard from him in years. I'd tell him that it's not a good time for you to spend pulling the information for him, and suggest he go to the websites that others have suggested here.

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

Sooner — Tue, 09 Feb 2021 02:20:45 GMT

@Nataliesgramma Go to the post office on a busy day and pick out 2 people you'd like for close family then think--maybe contacting someone who is basically unknown to me is a bad idea! LOL!!!!

We tend to think because they are "related" it makes them "special" in some way but in reality they are just strangers.

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

colliemom4 — Tue, 09 Feb 2021 03:04:05 GMT

Several years ago someone contacted my daughter on facebook claiming they were related to my grandmother who passed quite some time ago. My daughter showed me all the info and I got a weird feeling about it and told her not to communicate with them. She's a grown woman so I can't control what she does but I don't believe she ever spoke to them again.

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

Marp — Tue, 09 Feb 2021 03:35:43 GMT

@SilleeMee wrote:
A few times there was a person trying to contact me through AncestryDNA, where I have a profile, and that person messaged me using the message board there. I declined answering any questions because I'm not interested in any relatives I might have, especially ones I've never heard of or don't even know existed. Some things are best kept unknown.

@SilleeMee, a protocol question of curiosity. Does Ancestry automatically list your information or do you have to opt in to have it available to others?

Re: Giving info to relative doing a "family tree"

SilleeMee — Tue, 09 Feb 2021 03:58:39 GMT

@Marp wrote:
@SilleeMee wrote:
A few times there was a person trying to contact me through AncestryDNA, where I have a profile, and that person messaged me using the message board there. I declined answering any questions because I'm not interested in any relatives I might have, especially ones I've never heard of or don't even know existed. Some things are best kept unknown.
@SilleeMee, a protocol question of curiosity. Does Ancestry automatically list your information or do you have to opt in to have it available to others?

@Marp

I'm not sure exactly how it gets posted at first. After that person contacted me I went into my settings there to make my info private so no one can see or try to match up my info now. I'm sure there was some 'fine print' I missed reading regarding privacy but I wasn't too concerned at the time. That incident took me by surprise to say the least. I always thought I knew who my family was...now not so much and that doesn't bother me but it makes me wonder sometimes.