topic Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts in Community Chat

Rethinking Xmas gifts

lavendar — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 03:05:00 GMT

I'm rethinking Xmas gifts. I'm Jewish so family is not an issue. And no, we never did Hanukah gifts.

I am now low income. I have two luxuries: cable and hair.

I always get my hairdresser a gift. I know him well enough to know what he needs; we both have sensitive skin.

He is an employee; I'm assuming he got unemployment insurance but I could be wrong. He did not get tips for months though. It's a high end salon and I know he gets generous tips. He has an elderly clientele who are staying home.

I was going to give him cash but am rethinking that. I shouldn't even be getting my hair done but that is the one thing I'm not giving up.

I did get a gift for my mailman. He carries heavy packages to my door. Today he found a package that UPS delivered to another house. He loves the FAB cream and told me he was hoarding half a jar for winter. That's done.

Is anyone else cutting back?

Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts

Janey2 — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 03:19:10 GMT

@lavendar Why not give him cash? Next time you get your hair done include your gift in his tip (in a card). I do not know anyone, especially at this time, who would not like a cash gift.

Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts

happycat — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 03:50:44 GMT

Yes, I am rethinking them. I'm giving my nieces and nephew half my usual amount. Giving my 2 adult kids more, and finding a family to help or I will give to a local charity.

As far as the hairdresser, I started with a new one, and I did give her a generous tip- I'm not looking to go back anytime soon because of covid.

Now, the Fedex man, I am giving him Christmas card with some cash in it. I went thru a bad time earlier this year, and sometimes his kind, smiling face was the only one I would see, except my dh. Fedex man didn't know I was really struggling just to get thru the minute or day, and just the way he was always nice and kind to me meant more than I can really explain. Instead of posting it on this forum, I think I will go get him a nice Christmas card, put some money in it and take it out to him next time he has a package for me.

Sometimes I think we don't realize how much our actions and words can mean to someone in pain. Its almost like a balm over a broken heart. Our actions and words do matter, you can break someone down or lift them up. I wish I had chosen more wisely in the past.

Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts

FancyPhillyshopper — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 03:55:51 GMT

We are blessed in that our circumstances have not drastically changed. Thus, my heart goes out to those who are working very hard and those who are struggling. I have been trying to donate more to charities this holiday season, and I am certainly going to "gift" my hairdresser and other essential workers who are on the front lines every day.

If you cannot afford cash, then perhaps a small box of treats would show you care. It is always the thought that counts!

Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts

lavendar — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 05:21:48 GMT

@happycat I too have a chronic pain problem. That's why I'm so grateful to my mailman. Some of the packages are very heavy and some are medications.

Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts

CAcableGirl2 — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 06:54:13 GMT

My family stopped doing Christmas gifts about 5 years ago, and it's been an absolute blessing. No more stress of trying to figure out what to buy my parents, sister, and adult children. My oldest son mentioned a "show and tell" scenario, so we purchase ourselves a gift, wrap it up and bring it to the family gathering, and open it up and tell the others what we bought ourselves. No more surprises, returns, or stress.

In addition I always donate to the company toy drive and to our local homeless shelter.

The first year was a little odd, but even my mom who was reluctant to do it, said how much less stressful it is and we all agree that it was a great idea and am glad we finally stopped with the gifts.

The grandkids still get a gift and a deposit to their savings account - once those gifts are purchased (based on what the parents tell me that they want) and the money is transferred to their accounts, my Christmas shopping is done.

Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts

LizzieInSRQ — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 11:43:40 GMT

@CAcableGirl2 if I'm understanding correctly....You and your family members buy yourselves gifts, wrap them, bring them to your holiday gathering and then unwrap them in front of each other...to show each other what you bought for yourselves...

Im flabbergasted that more than one person agrees to participate. I'd rather not have an exchange and leave it at that and just gather (if it were a gathering type of year).

What you describe if I got correctly,sounds like a therapist's dream in my opinion.

Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts

godi — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 12:32:56 GMT

I told people last year that I'm done with Christmas gifts. I only do birthdays now.

Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts

tototwo — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 12:49:23 GMT

My family stopped exchanging gifts a few years ago too. None of us actually need anything we can't buy for ourselves, and it just seemed silly. So we started making large family donations to a charity every December. We all made donations anyway, so we combine our money and make one big donation in our family's name. Then, on Christmas day, we have our family gathering with food, drinks, and conversation. Just no gifts.

Except this year........ no big gathering for us. Bummer.

Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts

Shanus — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 13:14:31 GMT

@lavendar Hanukkah here, too. It was never a big gift giving holiday. We gave small gifts to the kids and that was it. We only give to the granddaughters now.

Each family needs to set their own budgets (Hanukkah, Christmas or whatever). I give a small cash gift to the mail man and girl who delivers our newspaper. I haven't been back to the salon in a year between growing out my hair and the pandemic, but will drop off a gift. I've gone to her for many years and sure she's lost a lot of business. I usually buy her something that's personal. This year probably a gift card so she can choose what she needs.

Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts

Shanus — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 13:22:34 GMT

@CAcableGirl2 Probably none of my business, but family gatherings this year or mailing gifts? I'm already thinking ahead to the bad outcome after folks return from traveling for T'giving and wondering what will happen after Christmas if families get together again.

Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts

CAcableGirl2 — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 14:24:18 GMT

No family gatherings this year and no traveling either - you can't be too safe with what is going on.

Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts

CAcableGirl2 — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 14:38:57 GMT

@LizzieInSRQ I don't think that my mother buying herself a pair of slippers for Christmas or my sister getting herself a set of dishes means that my family needs to see a therapist.

Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts

LizzieInSRQ — Mon, 30 Nov 2020 03:11:24 GMT

@CAcableGirl2 wrote:
@LizzieInSRQ I don't think that my mother buying herself a pair of slippers for Christmas or my sister getting herself a set of dishes means that my family needs to see a therapist.

Of course not! Did I misunderstand though that your family wraps the gifts they buy for themselves and then unwrap them in front of each other? That was the focus of my post.

Edited to add i do think its fantastic that you do charitable work and donations. I love Toys for Tots. If folks have an Ollie's in their area, they are a great source for toys at discounted prices.

Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts

goldensrbest — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 14:48:20 GMT

I decided after what happened last year ,with giving gifts,won't go into details, no more buying christmas gifts.

Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts

wagirl — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 16:14:18 GMT

good job, OP, on your gift plan------

I have no grand kids and my 2 kids are "old"-----oh they would hate hearing that--- With their jobs, they buy whatever they want whenever they want during the year anyway---my hubs gives them each a crisp $100 bill for Xmas and I give them gifts for their b-days; as for our extended families--we haven't given gifts for years--no one needs anything anymore---there are 3 little kids in the whole family and we buy for them as I think Xmas is all about the kids-------

Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts

RedTop — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 18:17:24 GMT

All the money I would've spent on family gifts was donated to local groups feeding the hungry.

Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts

geezerette — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 18:27:20 GMT

I've cut down to almost no Christmas gifts the last few years and this year is an excuse to cut down further. Most family and friends have agreed to no exchange for several years now.

This year is one last family gift to a young relative, but after they graduate is my gift cutoff age. A small present to a friend and also to my mail ladies. That's it.

I used to give small gifts to dentist, vet, etc. but this year have decided to no longer do that.

Re: Rethinking Xmas gifts

lavendar — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 19:21:23 GMT

Have decided to give hairdresser cash. He does some extras for me that the owner hasn't figured out to charge me for. So it's he and my mailman.