topic LAUGHABLE QUOTES in Community Chat

LAUGHABLE QUOTES

Lindsays Grandma — Mon, 10 Aug 2020 08:10:12 GMT

1. It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.

Fred Allen

2. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Steven Wright

3. Money won't make you happy...but everybody wants to find out for themselves.

Zig Zigler

4. If you let your head get too big, it'll break your neck

Elvis Presley

5. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.

Ellen Degeneres

6. I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.

Will Rogers

7. "Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat."

Harry Emerson Fosdick

8. Life is like a sewer...what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Tom Lehrer

9. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

Dali Lama

10. A peacock that rests on his feathers is just another turkey.

Dolly Parton

11. Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

Will Rogers.

1. Client: Please remove the unnecessary circle at the end of a sentence.

Me: You mean the period?

Client: I don't care what you designers call it; it's unsightly. Delete it.

2. When asking for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, "Marc, with a C." Minutes later he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side:

Cark.

3. Designer to the client: "It doesn't look purple, it looks more like a mixture of red and blue." Okaaaaaaaay.

4. A twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza customer.

Customer: I ordered Pizza and it came with no toppings on it, it's just bread.

Domino's: We're sorry to hear about this.

Customer: (minutes later) Never mind. I opened the pizza upside down.

5. Mary goes to the Post Office to buy 50 stamps for her Hanuka cards. "What denominations?" asked the clerk. Mary thinks a second before before replying, "Give me six Orthodox, 12 Commiserate, and 32 Reform."

6. I spoke to a local restaurant to ask if it was on the north or south side o Main Street. T person on the other end answered, "That depends on which direction you are coming from."

7 Scene: Using the Sir app on my iPhone:

Me: Sir', Call my wife.

Sir: Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts.

Me: Samantha Gibbs is my wife.

Sir: I've added Samantha Gibbs as your wife.

Me: Call my wife.

Sir: Which wife?

8. Girl: Ick! Why does this sandwich have bacon on it?

Friend: You ordered a BLT.

Girl: What? I thought the B stood for bread.

Authors Unknown

Re: LAUGHABLE QUOTES

Desertdi — Mon, 10 Aug 2020 08:08:30 GMT

@Lindsays Grandma Hilarious! (I have worked as a telephone operator and could write a book.) di

Re: LAUGHABLE QUOTES

Lindsays Grandma — Mon, 10 Aug 2020 08:22:47 GMT

@Desertdi ...Here's my number one fan right on time. I worked for the New York Telephone Co., first job out of High School. There was one time while connecting a call I heard a woman screaming and crying so I stayed on for a couple of minutes...turned out someone in the family died. Other than that, never had time to stay on a call, besides there was always a supervisor strolling back and forth. However police officers did not have to pay for their calls, they would give me their badge number, I would hit the button to return their money but there was always cute and interesting conversation, what a bunch of flirts!!!

Re: LAUGHABLE QUOTES

DbinMD — Mon, 10 Aug 2020 11:10:10 GMT

@Lindsays Grandma

#2 is so funny and true, something that my hubby tells me when I see something I like or want.. these are all great though!!

Re: LAUGHABLE QUOTES

godi — Mon, 10 Aug 2020 11:22:53 GMT

Great laugh this morning ☕️❤️🤣🤣🤣

Re: LAUGHABLE QUOTES

SandySparkles — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 03:36:08 GMT

@Lindsays Grandma I LOOOOOOOVE #3, and would love to find out!!! 😂😂

~~~All we need is LOVE💖