topic Re: when you have given up on yourself in Community Chat

when you have given up on yourself

gellen — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 13:27:34 GMT

good morning: I have been suffering a major depression for three months now due to solo covid isolation. I was even hospitalized for a few weeks. I seem to given up on myself and find it difficult to care. I am single and have extended family. It has cased a huge family rift with my family now having related health issues and my brother in law vowing to never speak to me again. i am on meds. Any suggestions welcome.

Re: when you have given up on yourself

CAcableGirl2 — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 13:33:18 GMT

@gellen Please don't give up on yourself. These are unusual times and we will get back to normal (albeit a new normal) in the future. Try to get outside (wearing a mask) if you can to enjoy the sunshine and to get some exercise.

Getting exercise always seems to elevate my attitude.

There are always a lot of posters online to chat with. I wish I had more ideas for you, but I'm sure others will jump in and offer many more suggestions and heartfelt concern.

Family members are sometimes difficult to explain, but you do what you need to do to keep yourself healthy, and try to focus on a happier time and know that these restrictions won't last forever!

Re: when you have given up on yourself

Travone — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 13:37:49 GMT

@gellen I am praying for you. Please stay on your meds, and I'm glad you have turned to medical experts for help.

Just some suggestions...they may not pertain to your situation, but perhaps they will lead to some ideas;

1 You say you have extended family - do any of them live close? If so, can you get together and still be socially isolated and distant? Perhaps outdoor visiting.

2. Are you keeping in touch with friends via phone email zoom or facebook. Now may be the time to reach out to long lost friends

3 Do you have hobbies? If you like to read, can you join a zoom book club?

4 Can you reach out to neighbors? Even talking over the backyard fence in interaction with another person.

5. Exercise. You will feel better physically and mentally.

Good Luck and keep in touch with people on this forum also.

Re: when you have given up on yourself

BunSnoop — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 13:42:53 GMT

Hi @gellen,

Animals help me alot. Do you have a dog or a cat? If not, consider adopting one or you can volunteer to be a foster mom. When I have a bad day, it makes me feel so much better when I look into the eyes of my little fur baby and see how much he loves me.

Re: when you have given up on yourself

Travone — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 13:45:01 GMT

@BunSnoop wrote:
Hi @gellen,

Animals help me alot. Do you have a dog or a cat? If not, consider adopting one or you can volunteer to be a foster mom. When I have a bad day, it makes me feel so much better when I look into the eyes of my little fur baby and see how much he loves me.

@BunSnoop @gellen This is a great suggestion!!!! And if you get a dog you can get exercise when you walk the dog. Also, a great way to meet new people, even with masks and sociall distant.

Re: when you have given up on yourself

drizzellla — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 13:52:45 GMT

Do you have a park nearby?

Every morning we would take the dog for a 3 - 4 mile walk in a local park. We have about 5 local parks so we would see neighbors, friends, all kinds of different animals and plants. It just seemed like such a nice way to start our day.

If you don't want to drive to a park, just walking around the neighborhood can be nice. You run into even more of your neighbors and get to see the nice projects they have done around their houses.

We also started quite a vegetable garden. We are now overun with cucumbers. And I always planted flowers so they would be blooming throughout the Spring, Summer and Fall.

Maybe get out and putter about.

Re: when you have given up on yourself

alicedee — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 13:53:32 GMT

I am confused why your being hospitalized for depression has caused a family rift where your brother won't talk to you....?

With depression so severe you required hospitalization, I would contact your doctor and ask about working with a therapist online. Keeping on top of your meds and getting appropriate therapy will be your biggest helps.

These are tough times, but they won't last forever. I wish you a speedy return to peace and happiness in your life.

Re: when you have given up on yourself

Still Raining — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 13:55:02 GMT

So sorry you are struggling. It is a very difficult time. Many here would like to hear from you and be your cheer.

Keep in touch with your doctor and give the meds a few months. Sometimes a switch is needed.

It can help to impose some structure on the day. Even if it only putting a bra to go for a walk. Something to celebrate.

Take care.

Re: when you have given up on yourself

Jaspersmom — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 14:01:02 GMT

I do hope you are working with a good therapist and medical doctors. Covid hasn't been easy for some people, but it's not the end of the world if you try to do right by yourself. If you can, go outside every day. Get some fresh air, look at nature, appreciate how nature is thriving. Talk to a neighbor if you can. Even a few minutes of chatting with someone can help. Find things to do in the house that have meaning. Do you read? If so, try devoting an hour or so to a good book each day. Find projects and do one of them each day. Exercise. Go take a walk if you can. If you're limited with what you can do, then move your body in a way that will still get blood flowing. That's good for endorphins and can help your mood. Find a hobby. Maybe you can do something you've never tried before. Not sure why the BIL not talking to you is a problem. After all, he's the BIL. Ask yourself if you're somehow overburdening your family with your problems. People will listen and be supportive to a point, but you can't overwhelm them. AND as someone told me recently, get out of your own head. When worry and anxiety take over, find a diversion. It may be forced at first, but ya gotta do it for your own mental health. Try thinking about the needs of other people and how you can perhaps help them. Good luck.

Re: when you have given up on yourself

drizzellla — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 14:04:04 GMT

@Travone wrote:
@BunSnoop wrote:
Hi @gellen,

Animals help me alot. Do you have a dog or a cat? If not, consider adopting one or you can volunteer to be a foster mom. When I have a bad day, it makes me feel so much better when I look into the eyes of my little fur baby and see how much he loves me.
@BunSnoop @gellen This is a great suggestion!!!! And if you get a dog you can get exercise when you walk the dog. Also, a great way to meet new people, even with masks and sociall distant.

Excellent suggestion!

The President of our Rescue Group has told us countless times that the hardest part of the job is finding foster parents for the dogs.

Many times they have little or no history about the dog. So the dog has to be placed with a foster home.

Maybe if you don't feel up to being a foster parent, volunteer with a rescue group. There always seems something that has to be done. I am sure the cats and dogs will enjoy any company that comes their way.

Re: when you have given up on yourself

Cakers3 — Thu, 30 Jul 2020 01:31:00 GMT

Re: when you have given up on yourself

kitcat51 — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 14:29:20 GMT

You haven't completely given up or you wouldn't have posted so that's a good sign. Go back to your Dr & discuss getting a different medication & therapy...my guess is the reason for your depression goes beyond covid. Get in the mindset that your only job is to self care, you deserve to be happy & find peace. I wish you all the best, do the same for yourself @gellen.

Re: when you have given up on yourself

jlkz — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 14:35:01 GMT

While getting or fostering an animal is a great suggestion, if you aren't able for whatever reason, try the exercise suggestion.

Exercise can mean a host of different things. In this hot weather, I prefer to stay indoors. I can do a one-, two-, three-, up to a five-mile walk with a stretch band for resistance. It's called Walk At Home with Leslie Sansone. The CDor DVD set runs about $30. It will give you a variety of moves that can be done in a little space without moving furniture. [ 1 mile runs approx. 15 mins. including the warm up / cool down components of Walk at Home ]

At almost 76, I cannot do anything that is floor-based: hard time getting up. If a particular move ( they are very short episodes ) is too hard at first, she gives you an alternative that will keep your heart at the same rate.

At worst case, my doctor tells patients to just keep walking around a table or basement to get moving. Now that I think about it, I remember my best friend's dad used to count his steps daily as he walked the perimeter of his basement !

HTH and gets you started !

Re: when you have given up on yourself

Cakers3 — Thu, 30 Jul 2020 01:31:38 GMT

Re: when you have given up on yourself

BlueFinch — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 14:59:28 GMT

@gellen Unfortunately, friends and family are not always the most supportive when they have a family member suffering with mental health issues. There's the old 'snap out of it,' attitude, often displayed, with those experiencing depression.

The only people who really get it, are those who have suffered themselves. It can be quite hurtful for those trying to recover, without feeling that others understand and have their back.

I'd recommend talking to your doc and/or therapist to review your treatment plan, and meds, but also to ask about support groups, either online, or one that could be managed safely in person. People are there who WILL give you support, when your family won't. You'll also find out you're far from alone with your struggle. Give them a chance.

Giving up, is a sign that your depression is not yet controlled. This isn't your fault, it's just the nature of the illness and unfortunately you also have COVID to interfere.

It's going to take time. Our current situation will change. You can, too, but you can't let things stall you out. You must do some work, too. You've received some excellent ideas here. Pick whatever you think might help. Start a routine and push yourself to stick with it. It will be SO hard and exhausting, but you can do it. One step at a time.

There are some very caring folks on this site. Remember, such people still exist . Best to you and keep us posted.

Re: when you have given up on yourself

kittykatkay — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 15:28:05 GMT

@Travone wrote:
@gellen I am praying for you. Please stay on your meds, and I'm glad you have turned to medical experts for help.

Just some suggestions...they may not pertain to your situation, but perhaps they will lead to some ideas;

1 You say you have extended family - do any of them live close? If so, can you get together and still be socially isolated and distant? Perhaps outdoor visiting.

2. Are you keeping in touch with friends via phone email zoom or facebook. Now may be the time to reach out to long lost friends

3 Do you have hobbies? If you like to read, can you join a zoom book club?

4 Can you reach out to neighbors? Even talking over the backyard fence in interaction with another person.

5. Exercise. You will feel better physically and mentally.

Good Luck and keep in touch with people on this forum also.

@Travone ....excellent advice. I am praying for you also, @gellen . I think many of us feel so different with all that is going on in the world.

We just have to take one day at a time. If you are watching too much news, ...back away from it. Sometimes that, in itself, can be so depressing. Surround yourself with the Bible and pray and we will be here for you also. Watch some movies that make you laugh. Laughter is good for the soul. ((HUGS)).....

This will pass. NEVER GIVE UP!!! STAY STRONG!!! HAVE FAITH, NOT FEAR!!!

Re: when you have given up on yourself

goldensrbest — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 15:29:01 GMT

I really do feel for you, times are just so tough emotional now, had depression for a long time, the way things are in life does make it worse, my saving grace is my two dogs,i need them,as much as they need me.

Re: when you have given up on yourself

marchingalong123 — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 15:30:32 GMT

Call or text the depression hotline in your area. Google can help you find the numbers.

Re: when you have given up on yourself

mamaslittlepotato — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 15:32:34 GMT

@Cakers3 you’ve given her some great advice. You said everything I was thinking......@gemcd besides what cakers said, I’d just like to add to please NEVER think you are a burden to anyone, as someone here suggested you may be to your family. You are NOT a burden. You are a good, worthwhile person who is going through something right now and who deserves a happy, wonderful life. Your family needs to be more understanding. Please know that so many people here care about you and want you to be well again. Remember we are always here for you. I wish you the best. 🙏🏻♥️🌹

Re: when you have given up on yourself

goldensrbest — Tue, 28 Jul 2020 15:40:19 GMT

Sometimes with serious depression, you may say things to people ,act a way that they just do not understand, i know that is true with me, and they get angry with you, and you get hurt that they do not understand.