topic Re: Miserable People in Community Chat

Miserable People

VenturaHighway — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 00:25:38 GMT

I know we all are going through rough and difficult times but we really don't have a choice at this point.

I have a close family member that never sees good in anything. And negative views about everything.

No matter what I say or do, she is mean and hateful. I know that I can't change anyone but it is sad that people feel this way.

Thought someone else may have the same problem.

Re: Miserable People

sceniccoast — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 00:40:01 GMT

@VenturaHighway

I find when a person is "negative nilly" I distance myself from them. Otherwise, it wears on me.

I knew 2 people like that & they made nice times, bummers! I just don't think they could help themselves. They are both deceased now & life being so miserable for them while here, I believe they're in a happier place now.

Re: Miserable People

SuhseK — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 00:42:35 GMT

I don't have anyone, personally close to me, like this, but, I'm in the medical field, an RD.

I've unfortunately, had a few patients, that fit the description.

It's tough, because that attitude only makes things harder!

Re: Miserable People

queendiva — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 00:43:03 GMT

Yep. Spent the day with family. My elderly aunt. has always been this way and has no reason to change. Everything is negative unless it's about her- then it's perfect.

Re: Miserable People

ECBG — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 01:00:14 GMT

@VenturaHighway Sweetheart, they chose the way they go. It is not our right to change them, as it is not their right to change us. Close the door and go in peace.

Re: Miserable People

Foxxee — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 01:00:51 GMT

Quite a few reasons why people behave this way.

It's usually caused by frustration, depression, unhappiness, anxiety, fear, or lack of sleep.

It also may be learned behavior from one or both parents in childhood. I wondered why someone I knew was so negative until I met his parents. Like father, like son.

Re: Miserable People

Snooky60 — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 01:13:33 GMT

@VenturaHighway - you don't need this kind of negativity now or ever. Try to ignore people like that. Stay well and just try to be with folks who are upbeat! 💗

Re: Miserable People

Nancy Drew — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 01:15:34 GMT

Some people are only happy when they are complaining. It is their hobby. They could change but they don't want to.

Re: Miserable People

denisemb — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 01:17:57 GMT

Did someone call me??

Seriously, my father was the most miserable person ever. Plus, wanted to make everyone around him miserable fueled by alcohol. It's pretty bad when both of his sisters said (after he passed) "Maybe your mother can have a better life now".

I come from a huge family, and it started to get weird at his wake when couisins came up to offer their condolences and were at a total loss of anything nice to say.

I started taking the lead saying "Hey, hopefully he's in a better place now."

Worked wonders.

Re: Miserable People

ROMARY — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 01:20:21 GMT

I've finally figured out that some people really cannot help themselves. Or they don't want to.

What's normal to them almost always cannot be changed by themselves. Or anyone else.

I think of the many nice, gentle people. It's a natural state of mind. Most likely they cannot change themselves into being 'mean'.

Same with others who aren't so nice. It would be difficult to change themselves into being 'nice'. It's just not in their M.O.

Re: Miserable People

noodleann — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 01:22:55 GMT

@Foxxee wrote:
Quite a few reasons why people behave this way.

It's usually caused by frustration, depression, unhappiness, anxiety, fear, or lack of sleep.

It also may be learned behavior from one or both parents in childhood. I wondered why someone I knew was so negative until I met his parents. Like father, like son.

Never would have thought of lack of sleep being a factor in someone's negativity, but I bet you're right.

I'd add pain and chronic indigestion to the list.

Re: Miserable People

ROMARY — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 01:23:10 GMT

'Funny'.........sometimes the more we ignore them, the more they try harder............

Re: Miserable People

EatWell — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 16:03:18 GMT

@ROMARY wrote:
I've finally figured out that some people really cannot help themselves. Or they don't want to.

What's normal to them almost always cannot be changed by themselves. Or anyone else.

I think of the many nice, gentle people. It's a natural state of mind. Most likely they cannot change themselves into being 'mean'.

Same with others who aren't so nice. It would be difficult to change themselves into being 'nice'. It's just not in their M.O.

@ROMARY

Sour on what life has dealt them?

A curmudgeon?

Side effects of medication?

"Staying safe by staying home"

~Put food in front of me, and I will eat it.~.

Re: Miserable People

alicedee — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 01:43:03 GMT

If someone is constantly being nasty and miserable, I would limit my contact with them.

If it was an acquaintance, I would stop hanging around them.

If it's a relative...depending on the situation and your relationship, I would do occasional calls and only group visits so you aren't stuck as a captive audience....you can get up and take a break with a different person. On a call, you can just end it when it goes downhill..."Oh, I have to charge my phone" or whatever.

I would never totally cut a family member out of my life (unless they did something heinous)...but would definitely consider limited access.

As others have said, adults aren't going to change their personalities at that stage of life. If we want close relationships in our lives, we have to do our part to make them work. If someone won't do that....they become the family's "Duty Relative" who is only visited or invited when it is necessary, not because people enjoy their company.

Re: Miserable People

Daisy Sunflower — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 01:53:28 GMT

I know someone who usually has something negative to say when I'm happy about something. If I email her about something I'm happy about, she'll either ignore the email, say something sarcastic, or try to minimize it.

I suspect she's like that with others as well.

Re: Miserable People

alicedee — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 01:58:46 GMT

@Daisy Sunflower wrote:

I know someone who usually has something negative to say when I'm happy about something. If I email her about something I'm happy about, she'll either ignore the email, say something sarcastic, or try to minimize it.

I suspect she's like that with others as well.

That is so mean for your acquaintance to do. 🙁

Re: Miserable People

mspatmac — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 01:59:40 GMT

There is one person in our small group that is always negative unless it's her idea or you agree with her. What's worse, she always interjects into the conversation with a snarky smart ****** comment when no input from her is necessary. I avoid her as much as possible. Unfortunately we have some posters who are much like her and I avoid them too.

Re: Miserable People

GenXmuse — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 02:12:02 GMT

There's probably people on this forum who are considered the miserable ones in the family

Re: Miserable People

aroc3435 — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 02:34:09 GMT

@VenturaHighway Yes, I worked with a woman for 30 of my 35 years who usually was negative. She is still working there and has not changed and must be at least 5 years older than I am.

She was an excellent employee in terms of getting her work done, and done well, but always "put in the knock" by not knowing how or when to keep quiet. Very rare for her to say anything positive in a staff meeting, or in general. Also had a very loud voice that carried.

Since I have a high level of tolerance for people, and am flexible, they usually put her "cubicle" very near me. As far as it went, I liked her and knew some of her complaints had validity, but she would fixate on something that would not or could not be changed.

Fortunately, when I was concentrating on performing customer service or one of my many research projects I could "tune" her out.

It was sad that her many good points were hidden by her bitterness about so many things. I do not think she will ever change.

aroc3435

Re: Miserable People

Daisy Sunflower — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 02:29:56 GMT

@alicedee wrote:

That is so mean for your acquaintance to do. 🙁

She's not an aquaintance, she's a relative.