topic Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow in Community Chat

The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

beach-mom — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 19:08:29 GMT

I have always used Mrs. John Smith, and I still do.

This is not a sympathy card, but I want to address a card to a younger widow whose husband died a while back. Should I still use Mrs. John Smith or should I put Mary Smith? TIA!

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

Goldengate8361 — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 19:10:32 GMT

I would definitely not use Mrs. I suggest her name only or Ms.

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

ThinkingOutLoud — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 19:13:02 GMT

I would use her first and last name.
In today's society, using the formal ('mrs john smth') is for invites to fancy weddings.

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

PinkyPetunia — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 19:14:17 GMT

I am no expert, but if her husband is deceased I don't think she is Mrs. John Smith any longer. I would use Mary Smith.

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

Travone — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 19:15:11 GMT

I would error on the side of caution and just use Mary Smith. I would not use Ms because being a widow that might hurt a bit depending on how recent it was.

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

tends2dogs — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 19:21:44 GMT

@beach-mom I have no idea what is proper, but if I was a widow whose husband had died a while back, I wouldn't be offended in the least to be addressed as Mrs. On the other hand, I don't care for MS. Just Mary Smith would be okay, too. Probably the only wrong address would be Miss.

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

chickenbutt — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 19:23:57 GMT

I tend to agree with most that just her name would be good.

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

beach-mom — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 19:26:12 GMT

Thanks everyone!

The traditional way I've done it is what Emily Post also says: widows as Mrs. John Smith and divorcees as Mrs. Mary Smith. My one SIL has been divorced since her children (now adults) were young and she has always gone by "Mrs" Mary Smith.

I'm going to address it "Mary Smith." Thanks again.

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

FlowerBear — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 19:35:50 GMT

Not long ago I had to address an envelope to a widow and looked it up and found this.

Although there are no legal, grammatical, or lexicographical rules governing what courtesy title is "correct" for a widow, in general, when a woman's husband dies, she retains the title of Mrs. So-and-so. ... But, when in doubt, stick with Mrs. — or just ask.

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

handygal2 — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 19:44:16 GMT

I would go with Mrs. Mary Smith.

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

Moonlady — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 19:50:16 GMT

@ThinkingOutLoud

Wrong.

Using "Mrs." to denote a married woman is not just "for invites to fancy weddings."

A widow is still correctly addressed as "Mrs. So-and-So," notwithstanding the sad fact that some in people's circles can't wait to strip them of it, even when addressing sympathy cards acknowledging the death of their husbands. Nice.

"Mrs." is correct, and I always use it to address correspondence to widows, Should I receive correspondence from them using a different title (or none) as the return address, or a specific request, I would follow their wishes, of course.

When in doubt, use "Mrs." Until you know that it's not preferred, it's always correct.

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

violann — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 19:50:20 GMT

I literally cannot remember the last time I received an envelope addressed Mrs. Michael Ann, although I remember WITH CRYSTAL CLARITY, the rage rising when I learned for the first time that my ONLY CREDIT CARD which I had had since I graduated from HS unexpectedly was placed in my HUSBAND'S NAME with NO NOTIFICATION OR INPUT FROM ME.

Yes, Younger Ladies, that WAS how it was done in THE GOOD OLD DAYS!

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

Sadiesadie — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 20:06:47 GMT

@Travone : I agree that just first and last name are appropriate. I was a young widow many moons ago and think using Ms would have been jarring. I would not have been offended if I had been addressed as Mrs husband's name if the death was stil fresh. Took me a long time to not feel like Mrs his name. Had to deal with a lot of grief and emotions to let that go and get past.

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

lovesrecess — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 20:11:12 GMT

I think Mary Smith is most appropriate. “Mrs“ seems to not be used much anymore unless it is used in “Mr and Mrs.”

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

Carmie — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 20:17:41 GMT

I would and do address the envelope as Mrs. Mary Smith if the husband is deceased ...And even if the husband is still living.

Women today don't usually appreciate losing their identity by taking their husband's first name as well as his last name when the correspondence is meant for her only.

I myself, would never identify as Mrs. John Smith, unless my DH agrees to identify as Mr. Mary Smith. Those days are over.

Mr and Mrs. John Smith is okay if meant for both.

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

Meowingkitty — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 20:25:40 GMT

I would use Mary Smith. I've been married for 43 years and never ever do I use Mrs. for anything. And since I never use Mrs. if you address me by that I know you don't know me. (Think of misc phone callers) I have a first name and last name (and my middle name is not my maiden name either). I am Mary Lynn Smith etc.

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

tucsongal — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 20:29:08 GMT

I agree that using a first and last name is appropriate. I’ve been married for many years and have never referred to myself as Mrs. nor has anyone who knows me.

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

geezerette — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 20:30:09 GMT

This has always been a pet peeve of mine. I have always preferred to be addressed as Mrs. John Smith. However, I think that went out with the dinosaurs.

Most everything I receive has been Mary Smith for quite some time, both before, and now after, I have been widowed. I also have taken to addressing others by just their given and surnames, since this seems to be the prevailing norm for my acquaintances and I assume most others prefer it that way.

I don't think there is any "correct" way to address people anymore. But then, a whole lot of people just don't send snail mail anymore either, so I guess that is old-fashioned too.

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

Sheila P-Burg — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 20:35:23 GMT

Most of my mail comes addressed to me without an adjective in front of the name. This is fine with me. However, should someone want to use an adjective I prefer they use "Mrs." . Though my husband is deceased and yes I am a widow in my mind and in my heart I am still married to him. We may not be together now but when the time is right we will be. As long as he is in my heart he is still with me and he will always be my husband.

Re: The Newest Way to Address an Envelope to a Young Widow

bikerbabe — Wed, 01 Jul 2020 20:39:23 GMT

My name is not Mrs John Smith!
My name is Bikerbabe Smith! 😂