topic Re: Interesting conversation about wills in Community Chat

Interesting conversation about wills

Abrowneyegirl — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 19:40:06 GMT

Not something I think about (only when we are called to update living wills, etc)

But in our am walk one of my friends was quite upset now that she has learned about a family will dispersion.

The question on the table was which is more fairness-thus avoiding hard feelings.

Parents dividing assets between each child equally

Dividing between each child and grandchild and great-grandchild, etc equally.

What happened was instead of the assets being divided between 3 people, the children. The assets were divided amongst 12 people

1 daughter had 4 children and 2 grand-children

1 son has 3 children

1 daughter as no children (of course since she has no children she was also primary care-taker of the parents)

I always heard you divide between the children then sub-divide between the next generation.

I can see where she is upset.

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

Anonymous032819 — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 19:43:40 GMT

In my opinion, the division should be between the adult children only.

Then, if the adult children want their own kids to get anything, they, the adult children, can divide it up as they see fit.

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

tends2dogs — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 19:47:43 GMT

I think the word "fair" depends on the person leaving the money and who they want to get what of THEIR money. In other word, a person can leave what ever they want to whoever they want.

If you are talking a lot of money, leaving money to the grandkids is a nice gesture. I personally believe that the children of the deceases should benefit more than the grand kids. There are so many factors that could go into the decision of who gets what.....relationships, family fights, you name it.

I don't think there is a right or wrong way.

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

lovesrecess — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 19:50:00 GMT

My DD who is an attorney, does a lot of wills for friends and some former colleagues. When I was updating my will, she told me that normally people will leave the estate to the adult children. It then is their responsibility to disperse it to their own kids or grandkids as they see fit, or in some cases, probably give them nothing. She said unless clients are super-wealthy, the "trust fund" tradition doesn't seem to be done much anymore. I don't know how anyone could have their feelings hurt if they got the money instead of their kids.

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

NickNack — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 19:50:09 GMT

I would be very upset if I was the daughter with no children. I think the assets should have been divided among the children, not the grandchildren. I think it's very unfair the way it was done.

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

Snowpuppy — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 19:53:45 GMT

Here's my take on wills. Live your own life as tho no one "owes" you a thing and you'll never be disappointed.

I've known several people who lived waiting for their "one day" that never arrived. They were misled, openly deceived or someone changed their mind shortly before death.

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

tends2dogs — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 19:57:33 GMT

@NickNack wrote:
I would be very upset if I was the daughter with no children. I think the assets should have been divided among the children, not the grandchildren. I think it's very unfair the way it was done.

I have to agree with you, @NickNack in this particular situation, especially since the daughter with no kids took care of the parents.

In my post, I said that the children should be the recipients in most cases. They can then disperse to their children any way they want to or not.

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

haddon9 — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 19:59:52 GMT

@NickNack wrote:
I would be very upset if I was the daughter with no children. I think the assets should have been divided among the children, not the grandchildren. I think it's very unfair the way it was done.

Iagree! Particularly since she was the caregiver!

As for my mom, she originally gave my brother one third, me one third and my two kids were to share one third. She changed it to half for me & half for my brother...I can give my kids money one my own.

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

tends2dogs — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 20:02:21 GMT

@Snowpuppy wrote:
Here's my take on wills. Live your own life as tho no one "owes" you a thing and you'll never be disappointed.

I've known several people who lived waiting for their "one day" that never arrived. They were misled, openly deceived or someone changed their mind shortly before death.

I agree, @Snowpuppy . People sitting around waiting for the inheritance are pretty sick in my opinion.

I also don't get people that scrimp through life so they can leave $$ to their kids. Unless you have a child that is going to need care for the rest of their life, people should live their life, enjoying what they can afford and then if their is anything left when you are gone, it can go to whoever you designate......whether it is your kids, charities, whatever.

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

threecees — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 20:32:30 GMT

I definitely can understand and feel bad for the primary caregiver.

I am one of 3 surviving children who takes care of my parent full

time while my 2 siblings do nothing and will one day be looking for

their share.

They can keep looking too.

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

ROMARY — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 20:05:31 GMT

I've noticed that many/some times the person who does all of the work (caregiving, etc.) is sometimes forgotton.

Nice, caregiving people sometimes (maybe often) aren't 'squeaky wheels'.

They're in the background, doing most of the work, never complaining.

Wishing genuine caregivers the best of everything.

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

SandySparkles — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 20:07:19 GMT

This is a very interesting thread. I think there is a reasonable expectation of inheritance by some people, but there is also a sense of entitlement assumed by others. Things like this often destroy family relationships, and I think that is sad.

There are many things to consider, like the integrity of the family relationship, dynamics, etc. Just because there is a blood link, does not mean there is an emotional link.

~~~All we need is LOVE💖

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

FrostyBabe1 — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 20:20:49 GMT

@Snowpuppy wrote:
Here's my take on wills. Live your own life as tho no one "owes" you a thing and you'll never be disappointed.

I've known several people who lived waiting for their "one day" that never arrived. They were misled, openly deceived or someone changed their mind shortly before death.

I agree 100%. There's absolutely no right to inherit from a parent or grandparent or aunt or uncle or anyone else. They can divide up their estate however they please.

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

millieshops — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 20:08:06 GMT

To my mind there’s nothing fair about the parents’ choice. There may be good reasoning in the choice that we can’t see but one family getting more than half of the estate and another getting one-twelfth feels off to me. Given only what we know, I don’t like it.

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

depglass — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 20:10:49 GMT

I haven't read the thread because I feel so strongly about this. The division should be up to the person making the will, its their money.

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

Mom2Dogs — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 20:14:00 GMT

We never really know the dynamics of a family...unless it is our family. If I were the OP I would understand my friends disappointment. When my mother passed away she did leave me a small amount more than my siblings...I was the one child that never asked for money..she had helped everyone else at one time or another.

Our wills divide the money equally between my dh's children, if one of the adult kids is gone, their share goes to their children. I do need to discuss with my dh about leaving something to a couple of nieces on my side that I am close to.

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

FrostyBabe1 — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 20:16:40 GMT

There really is no "should" or "must" when it comes to setting up ones estate plan. It's the person whose plan it is right to do whatever they please with their estate. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks is fair or right. As long as the person was in full command of their faculties and not under any duress when the estate plan was formed, what they put forth is the way it should be.

I saw all kinds of divisions of assets when I worked in investing and had to make sure that the custodian had the correct beneficiary info for the small portion of our business that was individual clients. Mind you, we only got that info because the custodian needed it, and it came from certificates of trust rather than a will. Every single one of our clients was savvy enough to have a sole beneficiary of their will - an irrevocable trust. The will is a public document. If you spill it all out there, anyone can find out the details. A trust document is private. ONLY the beneficiaries will know, and they'll only know what they're getting.

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

willdob3 — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 20:15:43 GMT

@Abrowneyegirl

Wills have nothing to do with fairness. They have to do with the wishes of the people willing their belongings.

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

hckynut — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 20:21:19 GMT

@Abrowneyegirl

I have seen way too many families torn apart because of a will. I also sat on a Jury Panel where it was a Family Contesting a will. The family filed this in Civil Court because everything the decedent left behind was to a none family member. The decedent was a male, the beneficiary was a female.

This trial lasted over 4 days with lots of witnesses, more of them on the litigants side. In this decision our Jury Panel ruled in favor of the litigants, the family members. This was the very 1st Will to be overturned in the State of Nebraska.

We have no kids so that is not a factor for me. But I do however know what I would do if we did, and my wife had died before me. Nothing, zero would go to anyone in the family. No matter how it is written, or what your intentions, there always seems to be someone that feels shorted. My possessions would go to a charity chosen by myself while in sound mind. Period!

hckynut 🏒

Re: Interesting conversation about wills

SeaMaiden — Sun, 21 Jun 2020 20:26:33 GMT

My Husband's parents had a trust...and it was all written up how everything would be dispersed. It went by percentage...my Husband and his brother got their percentage ....and some to his brothers two children. We had no children...

I am happy that his brothers two girls received a nice inheritance. We were never concerned about getting less. That sounds so petty.