topic Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ... in Community Chat

WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

Puppy Lips — Fri, 08 May 2020 17:06:26 GMT

on this forum lately, this is what I am wondering. If you could ask a loved one something, who has since died, what would you ask them? Is there something about their history you don't know? Do you wonder what their opinion is about something? My Mother just turned 90 and I am thinking of all the things I don't know about her, and asking her. I did not get that chance with my father as he died unexpectantly. So what do you wish you had asked a loved one before they died?

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

qualitygal — Fri, 08 May 2020 17:15:07 GMT

Get a picture of her hands, and yours and hers together. I found myself at 72 wishing I had that. I would so treasure that. My questions, I find, would have been for her mother. I've had questions about her life that I wish I knew now.

If grandma and mom are still with you, ask about their growing up. It's really quite facinating..at least what I do know now, I'm thankful for.

I just passed on down to my cousins who requested them, some of grandma's handwritten recipes. I made copies so we all will have them.

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

msgb — Fri, 08 May 2020 17:16:42 GMT

One of my sisters asked my dad a number of things in conversation so she taped just the normal conversation between her and my father and one of my brothers and her daughter. It is a treasure to hear my father's voice. She also has some papers that he wrote about his life as he grew up. What he did for work etc. My father worked hard for everything he had. gave that work ethic to his kids.

The questions asked and all the conversations are normal everyday things. I think that is what I take most about it. It wasn't formal --it was casual.

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

deepwaterdotter — Fri, 08 May 2020 17:19:20 GMT

I would ask my mother if she was happy the day she died? I would like to know that she experienced happiness just before she passed.

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

millieshops — Fri, 08 May 2020 17:21:48 GMT

@Puppy LipsI was still a little girl even when my older sister got married - and I'd never heard the story of how she and my BIL met until I heard it told at her funeral in September.

That story made me wonder how my parents met- my parents never discussed it but then they wouldn't have. There wasn't much discussion at all of family history in our home. And now there's no one left who knows. No journals or diaries to refer to, etc. I do wish I'd thought to ask.

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

CrazyDaisy — Fri, 08 May 2020 17:25:49 GMT

While family stories are interesting and help some feel connected, I know how much these people loved and cared about me. That is all I needed.

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

Sheila P-Burg — Fri, 08 May 2020 17:30:36 GMT

My grandmother on my father's side of the family. I have the family tree in all of the family except that side. I have run into constant "snags". Outside of hiring a professional I am at a stand still. I wish I had the ability to ask her for the missing information.

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

Kachina624 — Fri, 08 May 2020 17:36:19 GMT

I'd like to know what my parents would say about things that have happened in this world since they passed away in 2003 and 2008, especially in the political arena.

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

Goodie2shoes — Fri, 08 May 2020 17:37:27 GMT

Great question. I don't know any specific question I would have asked my mom. As some here know, I lost my mom to Covid 19 back on April 28 th. I have a bible of her's that her sister gave her and in the bible was a 2 page letter my mom wrote back in 1994 giving a history of her mom and dad's family roots. She stated it was so her children would know all about where the family came from. That answers all the questions I might have had.

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

aoldgirl — Fri, 08 May 2020 17:40:49 GMT

I would ask her about her school years, friends and what she did for fun, ride bikes and go swimming. Also ask her what was outside her kitchen window. When she was a kid, every one remembers that. Ask how her and your dad met, and if when she was young did she like school/church. I'll bet she'll smile remembering her early years...

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

MalteseMomma — Fri, 08 May 2020 17:43:53 GMT

@Puppy Lips

Funny you should say this. Since I'm all that is left in my family immediate and others i cannot ask any of the 1000 questions i wish I had asked years ago.

I'm old (82) now and have many thoughts, memories and of course too many questions with noone to answer them .

I keep telling my kids to ask NOW ,before it is too late!

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

Sooner — Fri, 08 May 2020 19:21:17 GMT

NOTE: The response below is harsh. I am sorry and my heart goes out to everyone for the people we have lost. I've lost birth family all but one who has dementia and is in lockdown far away now.

I guess since I'm the last I have to have this attitude or I couldn't go on. I've closed homes, sold off stuff, struggled to pay for them, and buried them. So sometimes I don't have much left and I have no choice but to leave sentiment alone. And I have a wonderful life now. But If you still are surrounded by family, God bless you and enjoy every moment! End of note, apology, explanation, whatever:

If you didn't ask, it's not important now so let it go and forget about it.

Last of my family and it is what it is. I would fret about it and think about it or think about today and who I can call or what I can read or what to cook for dinner.

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

Sheila P-Burg — Fri, 08 May 2020 17:50:56 GMT

@Goodie2shoes ..... I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother. Please accept my dearest sympathies. I am glad you have your mother's bible and especially happy there was a letter from your mother with the family history roots. To me that is a special gift from your mother. To have thought of sharing this information with her family lets me know how special a person she was. Family trees mean a lot to me and I have spent years tracking down mine.

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

AuntG — Fri, 08 May 2020 17:58:18 GMT

My mom had an aunt who worked in the homes of incredibly wealthy paper barons from 1905 to 1950. I'd loved to have heard stories of parties, holidays and weddings held in those mansions. My honest question would be "wasn't it hard to come and live in our old farmhouse?"

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

goldensrbest — Fri, 08 May 2020 18:37:52 GMT

I would ask my son, did you feel any pain, when the embolus, hit your organs? this has haunted me since 1998.

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

Puppy Lips — Fri, 08 May 2020 18:51:42 GMT

@Goodie2shoes wrote:
Great question. I don't know any specific question I would have asked my mom. As some here know, I lost my mom to Covid 19 back on April 28 th. I have a bible of her's that her sister gave her and in the bible was a 2 page letter my mom wrote back in 1994 giving a history of her mom and dad's family roots. She stated it was so her children would know all about where the family came from. That answers all the questions I might have had.

@Goodie2shoes How wonderful to have that letter. I would make a zillion copies and give it to everyone in the family, and stash copies with all sorts of other documents.

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

Puppy Lips — Fri, 08 May 2020 18:53:43 GMT

@goldensrbest wrote:
I would ask my son, did you feel any pain, when the embolus, hit your organs? this has haunted me since 1998.

@goldensrbest So sorry about your son.

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

spiderw — Fri, 08 May 2020 19:22:36 GMT

When I was growing up we weren't privy to adult conversations and were kept in the dark as to any serious issues going on among adults. We didn't care because we were too busy being kids and teens and having fun.

However, the down side of being kept innocent was that we now wish we knew so much more. There are many unanswered questions and yes, I wish I knew more about family members, our family's heritage and history.

My grandparent's, parents, aunts and uncles have passed and we are the next generation. We wish we had them here to ask those questions we didn't ask.

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

jeanlake — Fri, 08 May 2020 19:50:05 GMT

I would ask my 38 year old mother (the last time I saw her) how she was so brave. Cancer took her after 4 children and a 20 year marriage. Her first child died of German measles; 6 months old. Mom was sick for years but continued to work as a supervisor for a telephone company. Dad lived through some lay offs with major airline and mom knew her salary and benefits came in handy. And she needed reliable insurance for health issues. Mom didn't make day-to-day life about her. She worked at the telephone company until the end because she wanted her family to have life insurance. She was brave, kind and beautiful. At her young age, how was she so brave?

Re: WITH THE UNFORTUNATE TOPIC OF PASSING ON ...

Peaches McPhee — Fri, 08 May 2020 19:56:24 GMT

I want them to tell me what Heaven is like.