topic Re: Marriage and Virus in Community Chat

Marriage and Virus

Just4Me — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 15:08:55 GMT

I may have missed it but...how is all this togetherness at home affecting you marriage? My husband retired just before all this began. So that in itself is an issue; then we are dealing with this.

He is an outgoing, always keeping busy and gardener. He can't do any of it at this time. I on the other hand am a homebody. Love my home, computer, books and tv.

It is not a good mix. What are you doing? Do you have any issues? Do you have any good ideas on coping? I can't be the only one.

Re: Marriage and Virus

ID2 — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 15:17:06 GMT

Maybe you are the only one. My marriage is thriving. We've been retired for 5 years. We get along splendidly. Always have, always will. So sorry that you are not happy.

Re: Marriage and Virus

Sooner — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 15:17:22 GMT

We are going through files, throwing away old paperwork, organizing, cooking, and then having our own free time. We also have to spend time shopping on line for deliveries of things we need.

We have not had any problems so far and have been retired a few years.

He has enjoyed cooking as a few hobby, and we both feel like we can live our lives without having to struggle and rush now. I will say this is harder on him than me. We go for drives every few days too.

Good luck! I hope you find things you both enjoy doing.

Re: Marriage and Virus

Trinity11 — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 15:26:04 GMT

@Just4Me wrote:
I may have missed it but...how is all this togetherness at home affecting you marriage? My husband retired just before all this began. So that in itself is an issue; then we are dealing with this.
He is an outgoing, always keeping busy and gardener. He can't do any of it at this time. I on the other hand am a homebody. Love my home, computer, books and tv.
It is not a good mix. What are you doing? Do you have any issues? Do you have any good ideas on coping? I can't be the only one.

@Just4Me I don't believe anyone for one second that claims that couples won't have a few little tiffs during this never before Pandemic. It is all very stressful and being together 24/7 is going to put some stress into a marriage. I will be married 45 years on Sunday and I think this is the first time, I have ever spent this amount of time with my husband. To add to this, we have some very different political beliefs, so for respite, I call the kids. LOL

I enjoy my spouse's company, though, and we usually meet each other half way. I know he is getting antsy because he is someone who likes being physically active. He tries not to go anywhere because he is worried about bringing the virus home to me. We have been ordering from Whole Foods but this morning I needed some meds, so he went out to pick them up. He is always so patient and kind, this entire virus thing has only reinforced that about him. So all is good and I hope someday soon we can all just look back on this and count our blessings.

Re: Marriage and Virus

Krimpette — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 15:26:38 GMT

@Just4Me I'm surprised he can't do gardening.

Re: Marriage and Virus

Grouchomarx — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 15:27:26 GMT

We get a little crazy on the weekend, as our joy in life was eating out Friday and Saturday and now we're stuck at home, I have to cook and clean a lot. He copes by playing sudoku and napping a lot. I am watching more Netflix and taking on small organizing projects. We are grateful to stil be healthy and same for our families, but the mental health toll is great. So much constant worry and stress and fear of what the next day will bring. We are also drinking much more wine to relax our minds. Watching TMZ daily is also helpful as it is frivolous and funny. He goes to bed way before me so I get to watch all my shows uninterrupted at night, and that is my peace.

Re: Marriage and Virus

qualitygal — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 15:30:01 GMT

You are just adjusting to his being home. This won't go on forever...you just each need to pick an area to do your liking to do your thing, and he can pick his. Little by little, it'll all come together. You'll see.

Re: Marriage and Virus

SeaMaiden — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 15:32:09 GMT

Hubby and I are both retired and have been so for the past couple of years. We both just do our own thing... and do not argue or get into each others spaces. This situation has not really changed anything at home... we do go out less to the store now and only when we must. But really nothing in the relationship has changed.

Re: Marriage and Virus

deepwaterdotter — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 16:05:37 GMT

@SeaMaiden wrote:
Hubby and I are both retired and have been so for the past couple of years. We both just do our own thing... and do not argue or get into each others spaces. This situation has not really changed anything at home... we do go out less to the store now and only when we must. But really nothing in the relationship has changed.

Same for us.

A couple of days ago he said, "You know, people of our age and condition are fighting for their lives right now." It puts fighting over little stuff in perspective. Just hope we make it to the other side of this dark chapter.

Re: Marriage and Virus

Lipstickdiva — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 15:39:24 GMT

We are not retired. My husband is home during this but I am still working everyday in the office as we are considered an essential business. In that respect as far as during the week, it's not that much different for us. He's home now when I'm getting ready for work in the morning and he's home when I go home for lunch. He's always been home when I get home after work.

The weekends are what is very different. I'm a homebody and especially in colder months I spend my weekends home or going shopping. I clean, do laundry, grocery shop or would head out to shop somewhere. He was always gone tinkering out at our barn which is in another city or he'd be with friends at their house working on cars, etc. He is also in a band so they usually played either Friday or Saturday night. Now that has all but stopped. Being home all day on the weekend has become an adjustment.

Re: Marriage and Virus

Sheila P-Burg — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 15:42:55 GMT

Be happy you have your spouses ..... there are a lot of us on this forum that would give anything to have ours still with us. Always be thankful for what you have.

Re: Marriage and Virus

Vivian — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 15:46:15 GMT

My husband and I have been married for 55 years. We've been retired for a dozen years. He has Alzheimer's but watches the news non-stop. He knows about the coronavirus but at times I have to remind him about why restaurants are closed, why our grandchildren are taking their classes online, why we aren't traveling. Despite that, we're handling our stay-at-home requirement well. Our beagle definitely helps. Madeleine Pamela, aka Maddie, will be ten on May 1. I am planning a big celebration. I also learned that my grandson and his fiancée, who had to postpone their wedding celebration, will be married by an officiant on May 1. We'll be celebrating in late September...I hope.

Re: Marriage and Virus

jackthebear — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 15:48:17 GMT

be happy that you will be able to survive this by not getting ill

the luxury of being at home and healthy

Re: Marriage and Virus

MalteseMomma — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 15:52:06 GMT

You are not alone.....lol......my neighbor just told me his family is fighting like H***.........lol

I'm a widow and live alone and not much has changed for me, but my DD,( now home

from work 3 days a week) lives in my upstairs apt.....lol........ and we too are fighting like

.....H***

But that in it'self is not too far from normal...............lol

Everyone is stressed out now a days............ {{{{{hugs}}}}}

Re: Marriage and Virus

nana59 — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 15:50:49 GMT

my husband and i have been married 48 years...our key to success is that he stays in one room....and i stay in another! guess it works!!

Re: Marriage and Virus

Tricolor — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 15:52:08 GMT

We are both doing fine here. My husband retired in 2007 and me in 2011 so we have found our own little niche of daily activities. However, some of that has changed with this virus. My husband plays indoor softball and basketball and then in the Spring he plays outdoor softball. Plus he goes to the gym on other days. I do my workouts at home and walk a lot. He hasn't been able to do any of his activities so he is improvising at home with some heavy weights that he bought years ago. He also has taken up walking. It's still difficult because we can't see our friends or our grandchildren. We are missing birthday celebrations for the time being. Staying physically active has always been a mood lifter and more so now more than ever.

Re: Marriage and Virus

Suziepeach — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 16:03:36 GMT

We seem to be doing fine here too. My husband has worked from home for several years so we are used to being together 24/7.. Of course we might have a normal tiff but then we get over it and go on. Honestly it's normal for us.

Re: Marriage and Virus

sweetee2 — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 16:14:12 GMT

If this post was about husbands retiring I could right a book, but since it's not all I can say is it didn't help.

Re: Marriage and Virus

Mz iMac — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 16:14:45 GMT

My paramour & I live in 2 separate households. I'm in South Jersey & he lives outside of Phillly. We do 2 week stints at each others house once a month.

When the "stay at home" first started, it was his turn w/me. I sent him packing. He has family in Pa.

As far as my married children? All I will say is I will not be surprised if I have a bunch of new grandbabies in the next 10 months or so.

Re: Marriage and Virus

Deree — Fri, 03 Apr 2020 16:15:04 GMT

Never any problems because we are so alike and enjoy the same lifestyle. I never subscribed to the saying "opposites attract." If your husband is nagging you or looking to pick fights out of stress (you didn't specify exactly what the issue is with his behavior or language) then be as kind as you can then leave the room. Just don't respond in kind or it will escalate.