topic Re: I Can't Stop Crying in Community Chat

I Can't Stop Crying

Jordan2 — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:04:28 GMT

My mother is 91, she'll be 92 in about ten days. She fell back in October (not on my watch) and broke some bones in her hip. She spent a short time in the hospital, then was in rehab for 10 weeks. The care there was not good. She was beinging discharged, my sister and I felt she wasn't well enough to go home, we appealed and were denied. She came home, last Thursday, saw a visiting nurse on Friday (to open the case), and saw a PT and OT therapist once each. I was taking care of her (I was in over my head), I didn't get a home health aide until yesterday, 6 days after she was released). Well yesterday the visiting nurse didn't like how her lungs sounded, I called an ambulance and we went to the ER. She was admitted, she's not doing well. I have taken care of my mother for so long, I tried my best when she came home, it was too much for me. I don't know what I'll do when she's gone, I devoted my life to her. My sister and I are now looking into nursing homes for my mother. My mother is the nicest sweetest person, I don't want her to suffer, yet I will be devastated when she's gone. My life is going to be so different, thank you to anyone who took the time to read this.

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

I am still oxox — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:05:50 GMT

I am so sorry, no matter how old you are it is difficult to see your parents die

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

Preds — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:10:27 GMT

@Jordan2 ... Prayers for you and your mother. She knows where she needs to be and you have done all you can. She knows that, too. Blessings and peace to you both.

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

ECBG — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:12:15 GMT

I'm so very sorry. We all do the very best we can. Just one day at a time. Please don't be hard on yourself, we are all always here.

You and your mother are in my prayers. Please be kind to yourself.

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

NickNack — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:14:02 GMT

I'm so sorry @Jordan2 . I lost my mother twenty years ago, and I still think about her almost every day. A bond with your mother is so special. I'm so sorry your mother and you are going through this. I can only imagine how hard it is for both of you. It does sound like she needs a nursing home now. You've done everything you can for her. You might want to think about bringing in Hospice, too. We did that for my father at the end, and they were extremely helpful.

I lost my 91 year old father on Christmas day. My life has changed so much since he died. I was always going to see him in his memory care facility and thinking about him and bringing things to him. It's very different now without him. I'm so sorry for what you''re going through.

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

Oznell — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:15:28 GMT

Very sorry to hear of your distress, @Jordan2 . Saying prayers for your beloved mother, you and your family.

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

cherry — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:16:11 GMT

I am so sorry @Jordan2 . You have done your best.When people get that old ,their health can change at the speed of lightning

You did all that was humanly possible, you must not feel it is your fault.I lost both of my parents too ,and I know how hard it is. You will be able to get through this, even if it feels like you can't

I wish I could help. If you have problems, just post to me. I will listen and try to help you feel better..You might call your Dr ,if you have problems eating and sleeping. They can give you something to help get you through this terrible time

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

FrostyBabe1 — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:18:33 GMT

First of all, take a deep breath. You don't know that this is the end for your mom. It might be, but it might not. You didn't do anything wrong. You did your best. Sometimes, despite doing everything that we can, things still don't turn out the way we want them to be. RIght now, the hospital is the best place for her to be for both of you. Her, so that she gets the medical care that she needs. You, so that you're relieved of caregiving and able to just be present as her daughter.

Sending you peace, love and light. You know what's right for your mom, and now may very well be the time to let others take on the burden of physical care.

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

Montana — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:20:51 GMT

@Jordan2 This is heartbreaking. I hope your sweet mother can rally or at least not be in pain. I have been on this journey myself and it is one of the most difficult I have endured.

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

amyb — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:24:21 GMT

My heart goes out to you and I can relate...as I know many can (so many people are caregivers for an aging parent.) I relate to all you said...the sweet mom, the devoting yourself to her care, not wanting her to suffer, not wanting her to go. I am an only child, my mom is 91, and entered assisted living 3 years ago, She's had some issues but overall is in decent shape, with a little dementia, but still "my mom." I oversee all her care. I know the hardest thing when caring for a loved one is this dang system!! I always say my mom (also the sweetest, easiest person) is NOT ever the problem...it's the system, and getting the care they need, (and that you are paying BIG bucks for!), when they need it. It is a constant struggle to keep people on track. And the system is overloaded too. I'm just sending out prayers and just for you to know you are "not alone"....so many can relate....spend every precious moment you can and be present with her. It is just plain life...and you (and I) are lucky to have had her so long. (I'm sorry if that sounds cliche' and not enough, because of course no matter how long, we never want them to go, I feel the same...don't know how I'll deal but I know too that at 91 I'm lucky.) That's all I can say for now. Bless you and take care. xo

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

Jordan2 — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:21:34 GMT

Thank you to everyone for the prayers and kind words, I really appreciate it. Even though I have never met any of you, I know the names and feel like this is a safe place.

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

amyb — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:22:19 GMT

ps. Of course, sending prayers your mom rallys...so many times I thought "this is it" with my mom and she rallied...wishing the same for you!

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

september — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:22:24 GMT

@Jordan2 My heart goes out to you. Yes, I know this is such a hard thing to go through. Be there for your mom. She will know you're there and doing everything you can.

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

Hoovermom — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:24:30 GMT

You have been a wonderful caregiver for your DM and will continue to be even though her residence has changed. Let them take care of her while you are with her and maybe some of that stress will be replaced with warm memories that you can share with her. Enjoy the time you have with her. I wish you and your mom the very best in the days ahead. Keep this thread updated as you feel like it. Prayers.

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

FlyersGirl — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:27:27 GMT

@Jordan2 I am so sorry to read that you and you Mom are going through this. I do understand as I encounted very similar situations when caring for my parents.

I will keep you and your Mom in my prayers. Sending you big supportive HUGS.

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

Iwantcoffee — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:28:11 GMT

I am sorry to hear your mom is not doing well. You and your family are in my prayers.

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

Drythe — Thu, 07 May 2020 00:28:41 GMT

@Jordan2

Please take care of yourself. You can’t be there for your Mom if

you are not taking care of yourself. My dad will be 93 in March, I am his only living child, and with my DH, his primary caretaker. So glad you have your sister to be with you, it is a blessing.

Sending you and your Mom wishes for the best, and hoping for

Light and Peace to guide you all.

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Peaches McPhee — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:34:56 GMT

This is almost my exact story except mom is 94. It was one heck of a year, with 3 surgeries and a major infection. Mom recovered physically, kind of, but it took a tole mentally. She is now in assisted living and has poor recall. I wish a better outcome for you. Hugs.

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

alicedee — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:35:03 GMT

@Jordan2 My heart goes out to you. Sounds like you are a devoted and loving daughter. Your sweet Mom knows how much you love her and what great care you've given her through the years. Take each day you have with her and live it....don't worry about tomorrow.

Many of us have been through some version of what you are dealing with. It's never easy....but love gets us through, and will keep you connected to your Mom forever. 🌷

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

pianobabe159 — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 23:37:11 GMT

Just want you to know that YOU, YOUR MOM & FAMILY we be in my thoughts and prayers. She know how much you love and care.....I have been where you are...not easy but believe me, she knows how you feel !!!!!!!!! Take Care of Yourself, too !!!