topic Re: MY DAUGHTER SUGGESTED... in Community Chat

MY DAUGHTER SUGGESTED...

Lindsays Grandma — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 22:42:05 GMT

1. I get the names of my children tattooed on my body. I told her I already did. They are called "STRETCH MARKS."

2. A cop with a drug sniffing dog said to me, "The dog tells me you're on drugs." I said, "I'm on drugs? You're the one talking to dogs."

3. Never go to bed angry...Stay awake and plot revenge.

4. A cop pulled me over and said, "PAPERS" I said "SCISSORS." I won and drove off.

5. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it never use it.

6. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need are two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

7. Sometimes late at night I dig a hole in the backyard to keep the nosy neighbors guessing.

8. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life raft...I would miss you so much.

9. Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you Lean...against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.

10. Instead of calling it a John, I'm going to start calling my bathroom the "Jim." That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Re: MY DAUGHTER SUGGESTED...

Mz iMac — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 22:50:27 GMT

#3 is right on!

Re: MY DAUGHTER SUGGESTED...

QVCkitty1 — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 22:52:16 GMT

@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
1. I get the names of my children tattooed on my body. I told her I already did. They are called "STRETCH MARKS."

2. A cop with a drug sniffing dog said to me, "The dog tells me you're on drugs." I said, "I'm on drugs? You're the one talking to dogs."

3. Never go to bed angry...Stay awake and plot revenge.

4. A cop pulled me over and said, "PAPERS" I said "SCISSORS." I won and drove off.

5. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it never use it.

6. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need are two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

7. Sometimes late at night I dig a hole in the backyard to keep the nosy neighbors guessing.

8. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life raft...I would miss you so much.

9. Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you Lean...against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.

10. Instead of calling it a John, I'm going to start calling my bathroom the "Jim." That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

@Lindsays Grandma , This is some of your best work ! 🤣🤣

Re: MY DAUGHTER SUGGESTED...

on the bay — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 22:57:45 GMT

#4 and #7 haha!

Re: MY DAUGHTER SUGGESTED...

January121 — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 23:18:14 GMT

You are so funny ... thanks for the laughs 😂🤣

Re: MY DAUGHTER SUGGESTED...

Leggett28 — Thu, 30 Jan 2020 01:36:12 GMT

@Lindsays Grandma thanks for the laughs 😄

Re: MY DAUGHTER SUGGESTED...

happycat — Thu, 30 Jan 2020 01:43:59 GMT

Oh my, I think these are the best yet! So funny! Thanks for sharing