topic Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends. in Community Chat

Well Meaning Family & Friends.

CrazyKittyLvr2 — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 14:46:36 GMT

I like being home. I go out when I have Dr. appts, I occasionally meet friends for dinner or meet my sisiter and BIL for lunch. Otherwise, I can stay home for days, sometimes weeks and I am good.

Lately, espcially since DH died my kids, my sister and a couple friends have been nagging me to get out and about. Why? I keep in touch with people and when I venture out I enjoy myself but am always glad to get home.

I wish they would just back off. For decades when I was raising kids and working I ran my fat butt off everyday. I spent more time in the car and "going" than I did at home. I'm over it.

What do you do when people don't listen to what you tell them you are good the way you are?

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

dex — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 14:50:25 GMT

@CrazyKittyLvr2 @I think they care about you and are concerned that you might be a little depressed since you say your habits have changed.If you used to go out a lot and now you stay in then I think that is the reason for their concern.

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

Travone — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 14:54:07 GMT

I agree with @dex . Also, since your DD lives with you, she may feel she needs to stay home since you are there. She needs to socialize with her own friends but may feel guilty doing so if you never go out withour her.

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

kze — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 14:55:21 GMT

I hear you! They think they know what's best and that you're like they would be in your situation. They mean well. I haven't found an answer yet. Let me know if you do. By the way, you seem to have found the perfect balance in the life you're living now.

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

chlema — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 14:55:41 GMT

@CrazyKittyLvr2 Just keep doing what you want to do and not what others think you should do. Sounds like you have a social life similar to mine and I am happy with it. Thank those who think you need to change but let them know that you are content the way things are.

BTW, how is the knee doing?

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

Bri369 — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 14:56:45 GMT

Be grateful you have people looking out for you.

Just keep doing what you're doing. People have a tendency to make sure that when a spouse dies, you don't sit home and wallow.

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

Daysdee — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 14:58:00 GMT

Been a widow for several years now and I stay home a lot too. I rather enjoy it. Find I don't have things "in common" with a lot of other ladies. I don't care to travel. I keep busy since I have to do everything except I do, of course, hire people for cutting lawns, trimming trees, home repairs, etc. I feel I don't fit in to some activities, but I do enjoy taking one class. It's such a different life without my husband, but I do the best I can to keep busy and thankful for the days I have and that my kids are so good.

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

CrazyKittyLvr2 — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 15:08:04 GMT

I looked forward to being home since I retired in 2015. However, DH's cancer disgnosis required going constantly. I was glad I could be there for him and see him through his illness. My staying home has been since before he died. When he recovered I was finally able to plant myself and stay home.

@Travone My daughter doesn't sit at home with me. She works and enjoys going out I expect and want her to do that, she has a life.

@chlema Knee is okay. Still aches at night. Will never have the other one done.

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

IMW — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 15:10:54 GMT

They care for you, let them know that you appreciate their concern, and keep doing what you want. Talk about things that interest you ie movies, books, fixing up the house etc., to show them you're ok.

It is a beautiful blessing to have ones who care.

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

KingstonsMom — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 15:13:20 GMT

@CrazyKittyLvr2

I just ignore them.

I'm old enough to do what I want to do, if that's to stay home for weeks at a time, so be it.

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

meem120 — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 15:14:36 GMT

I like to stay at home too since I retired. I can go for a week or so and then Im out for whatever I need. I also go out with friends whenever. But after commuting 2 hours everyday and worrying about the weather to drive in and all the go go go I enjoy my home and my pups!

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

millieshops — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 15:17:58 GMT

Several thoughts.

One is that it's good you realize your friends and family afre well-meaning. To me that says they know you well enough that they've seen the change in your behavior.

That leads me to my second thought. You are quite entitled to change your behavior, at least as long as you find healthy changes. You haven't said you've turned to pills and alcohol - all good with me.

And a final thought. Do continue to be aware of yourself and your behavior. You may choose still another life just not on other people's timeline.

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

NicksmomESQ — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 15:21:13 GMT

@CrazyKittyLvr2 I understand you choosing to stay home . You should do exactly what you want to do. After years of caring for others this is your time.

All that being said. You are lucky to have so many people care about you. Tell them exactly how you feel & that you're fine.

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

Travone — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 15:36:19 GMT

@CrazyKittyLvr2 Let's flip the scenario. Would you be concerned if your DD started to only go to work and then come home, never going out with friends in the evenings and on weekends?

That is the same concern that they are having for you. While you may be extremely happy, they are concerned because it is not what they are used to from you. They just want to make sure you are okay.

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

JJsMom — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 15:43:15 GMT

I would be concerned if a family member didn't leave their home for weeks at a time.

Although I don't think they should nag you, would you consider going out more often with them? You might find you enjoy it, and you'll get to spend more time with your loved ones.

My mom can be a homebody, but we try to take her out at least once a week for a change of scenery. I think isolation can put people at risk of depression.

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

CrazyKittyLvr2 — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 15:55:58 GMT

@Travone If she suddenly didn't want to go out, yes I would be worried. Also if at her at her age of 50 I would be conerned.

My desire to stay home isn't sudden. It's not like I was a social butterfly and one day stopped. Once my DH got though his treatments and surgery and had only follow-up appts or quarterly scans I had no desire to be out and about.

The first time I had 5 straight days at home, after 7 1/2 weeks of daily 70 mi. round trip drives to radition treatments or Dr. appt., I was in domestic heaven.

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

dex — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 16:04:01 GMT

@CrazyKittyLvr2 as long as you are happy and content to be home then you are doing fine.It is so nice to have people who really care enough to be concerned.Try to indulge them once in awhile so they can stop worrying and feel that you are okay.

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

mimomof4 — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 16:16:51 GMT

I can understand what you mean about enjoying being home. I also understand your friends and love ones concern if you stay home weeks at a time. As someone who drives kids around constantly I seek joy in a day off work when I can sit at home in my PJs.

What I have seen in some people once they retire they stop doing things (stop moving, stop keeping mind occupied) instead sit down watch TV and don't to anything. That isn't healthy. That doesn't mean you have to be on the go everyday doing something away from home. My grandfather was retired for over 30 years when he passed but he found love in woodworking and made things for the church and others in the community. My grandparents were probably like you and didn't leave the house often unless it was the Dr or church. My grandfather was busy and stayed healthy for many years.

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

Kitlynn — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 16:32:22 GMT

I think they are all well meaning and just want you to stay involved and not spend to much time alone. Now that being said I understand where you are coming from perfectly. I am retired and I love being home!! I spent years working and having to run here and there constantly. Now I just love being at home. I am an avid reader and I love just being able to read a book. I also in the Summer spend hours each day in my flower gardens. I have time now to try new recipes and basically just do what I want. I do go out to lunch with friends and every Friday is date day with my DH who gets off at noon. I chat with friends and I write letters to family members and friends also. I am loving retirement!!! It is not what others would do with their time. However being at home and not having to be somewhere or be on a time schedule is fabulous!!!! So I say just enjoy your retirement and don't worry about what others think or say. When they retire they can do things their way.

Re: Well Meaning Family & Friends.

beckyb1012 — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 16:36:35 GMT

I much prefer to stay at home too on days I am not at work. About 5 years after my divorce my step-father expressed his belief I should be out and about a whole lot more and looking for a new husband. I asked him "why should I live MY LIFE the way YOU think I should?" That question shut him down and my dear Mom kept her mouth closed completely. It amazes me that others think they could do it better than we can ourselves. I just think they need a hobby since they are so bored.