topic Re: LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES in Community Chat

LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

Lindsays Grandma — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 08:22:51 GMT

From my December 2019 Reader's Digest issue.

1. Tweets the Night Before Christmas:

*My mom's angry with me for letting the dogs see their presents before tomorrow morning. Apparently I ruined their Christmas.

*One of my four nephews just brought me wine and said, Here's your Christmas juice," and now he's the one I'm leaving everything to.

*The older you get, the more holidays become about keeping your father off a ladder.

The young man loading groceries into my car let out a violent sneeze. "Bless you! I shouted. He leaned in the window, shook his head and said, "Nah, just doin' my job. But thanks."

Need a star-studded pet name? Consider these feline monikers found on the Nationwide Pet Insurance database of insured pets:

+Isaac Mewton

+Farrah Pawcett

+Reese Whiskerspoon

+Yoyo Meow

+Obi Wan Catnobi

+The Great Catsby

+Winston Purrchill

+Draco Meowfoy

The worst part of stopping during a road trip is knowing all the idiots you've passed are once again getting ahead of you.

I made dinner reservations for my wife's birthday and told the host there's an extra $20 for the bartender if they card her.

A woman at our checkout counter didn't have enough money to cover her purchase of toilet paper, so I paid the 96 cents. "Thank you," she said. "I'm going to think of you every time I use the paper."

My boss arrived at work one day in a brand new Lamborghini. "Wow", I said. "That's an amazing car." He replied, "If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year."

Re: LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

qualitygal — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 11:41:01 GMT

I missed this, I have to go back to the issue and find and laminate this. It's priceless. I love the sneeze one.

We had a similar thing happen to us once walking through a grocery store many years ago. Husband & I were having a conversation and he said, (as we passed a young man stacking egg cartons, "whiplash". The young guy, without missing a beat, said, "oh, I'm fast, but I'm not that fast!!." My husband and I looked at each other and just busted out laughing.

Re: LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

jubilant — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 11:46:32 GMT

I especially liked the last two. Thanks for my first laugh of the day!

Re: LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

chiclet — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 11:59:08 GMT

I enjoyed the post. Very cute and funny.

Re: LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

Oznell — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 12:18:34 GMT

Cute, @Lindsays Grandma ! Thanks for posting. There's something so comforting about the fact that "Reader's Digest" is still compiling their fun "Life in These United States" section. A comic perspective about many things really helps!

Re: LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

LoveMyBaby — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 12:37:59 GMT

@Lindsays Grandma

Love these, and your posts, ---that Readers Digest is the best. Keep 'em coming please!!

Re: LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

DbinMD — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 12:47:58 GMT

Another morning laugh! Good for the soul.

Re: LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

NicksmomESQ — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 13:56:58 GMT

@Lindsays Grandma Thanks for the morning chuckle!!

P.S. The recent political correctness has gone overboard. Life is to serious.We need to chill & be able to laugh at ourselves again.

Re: LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

BlueFinch — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 16:05:44 GMT

I never want to miss any of @Lindsays Grandma 's posts. When you stop being able to laugh at life, and yourself, you're missing a small, but free, source of joy. Laughter truly IS the best medicine.

Re: LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

LoveMyBaby — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 16:08:51 GMT

@BlueFinch @Lindsays Grandma

I feel the same way about her threads. Love them

Re: LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

Lindsays Grandma — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 22:04:05 GMT

@Nicksmom

@DbinMD

@oznell

@aubegirl

@jubilant

@qualitygal

@BrandiDavis

Thanks to all of for your support, it means a great deal to me. Laughter wins every time over meanness, so we here will keep on laughing.

Re: LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

croemer — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 23:25:56 GMT

@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
From my December 2019 Reader's Digest issue.

1. Tweets the Night Before Christmas:
*My mom's angry with me for letting the dogs see their presents before tomorrow morning. Apparently I ruined their Christmas.
*One of my four nephews just brought me wine and said, Here's your Christmas juice," and now he's the one I'm leaving everything to.
*The older you get, the more holidays become about keeping your father off a ladder.

The young man loading groceries into my car let out a violent sneeze. "Bless you! I shouted. He leaned in the window, shook his head and said, "Nah, just doin' my job. But thanks."

Need a star-studded pet name? Consider these feline monikers found on the Nationwide Pet Insurance database of insured pets:
+Isaac Mewton
+Farrah Pawcett
+Reese Whiskerspoon
+Yoyo Meow
+Obi Wan Catnobi
+The Great Catsby
+Winston Purrchill
+Draco Meowfoy

The worst part of stopping during a road trip is knowing all the idiots you've passed are once again getting ahead of you.

I made dinner reservations for my wife's birthday and told the host there's an extra $20 for the bartender if they card her.

A woman at our checkout counter didn't have enough money to cover her purchase of toilet paper, so I paid the 96 cents. "Thank you," she said. "I'm going to think of you every time I use the paper."

My boss arrived at work one day in a brand new Lamborghini. "Wow", I said. "That's an amazing car." He replied, "If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year."

Ouch...that last line!

Re: LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

LoveMyBaby — Tue, 07 Jan 2020 23:38:09 GMT

@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
@LoveMyBaby
@BlueFinch
@dex
@Johnnyeager
@Carmie
@Nicksmom
@DbinMD
@oznell
@aubegirl
@jubilant
@qualitygal
@BrandiDavis

Thanks to all of for your support, it means a great deal to me. Laughter wins every time over meanness, so we here will keep on laughing.

Amen to that @Lindsays Grandma and thanks for the laughs, they're so appreciated !

Re: LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

SandySparkles — Wed, 08 Jan 2020 05:24:42 GMT

@Lindsays Grandma

I am nursing the flu today and needed a pick me up! This did not disappoint. Star-studded pet names, and My boss arrived have me in stitches.LOL. Winston Purchill and Reese Whiskerspoon are priceless.😂😂😂.Everytime, I read it, I laugh all over again.LOL. Thanks for yet another HILARIOUS post.😊

~~~All we need is LOVE💖

Re: LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

alicedee — Wed, 08 Jan 2020 05:32:23 GMT

I now NEED a kitty named Draco Meowfoy!

Great post, @Lindsays Grandma !

Re: LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

blackhole99 — Wed, 08 Jan 2020 05:49:20 GMT

I like the one about the boss, SOB if that isn't the truth!

Re: LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

Lindsays Grandma — Wed, 08 Jan 2020 08:18:50 GMT

@SandySparkles ...Sorry to hear you aren't feeling well, make sure to take care of yourself. The cat names, crazy aren't they, who can resist them? The one about the boss and the Lamborghini gets me every time I read it, great punchline.

Re: LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

SandySparkles — Thu, 09 Jan 2020 01:25:02 GMT

@Lindsays Grandma Thanks so much for the well wishes!

~~~All we need is LOVE💖