topic Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice? in Community Chat

Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

Sooner — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 02:01:19 GMT

I'm thinking maybe we have told some of our posters things they didn't want to hear and that's why maybe they are not posting any more.

That's sad, so maybe we should lay off the advice so they will check in more often and enjoy the boards for what they are.

I have one in particular in mind that many of us worry about.

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

Carol Diane — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 02:06:49 GMT

A lot of people on these boards ASK for advice.

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

traveler — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 02:11:13 GMT

What happened?

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

denisemb — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 02:12:32 GMT

Or maybe people should stop asking a message board for advice - at least on personal matters?

I.E. I currently have a post asking for advice on the best split pea soup recipe. That's about as far as I take it.

On message boards, one is likely hear things they don't want to hear.

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

AuntG — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 02:12:48 GMT

Are you thinking of half pint? I recall her saying she still reads the boards but didn't feel like posting. Didn't sense any bad feelings.

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

mspatmac — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 02:12:57 GMT

@Sooner

While I agree with you it is sometimes difficult not to respond when posters are asking for advice on personal issues that would be better discussed with family, friends, or a professional. I would add to your post being critical of others choices of purchases. Critique the product but don't get personal with others.

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

rms1954 — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 02:13:17 GMT

No one can read your mind.

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

denisemb — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 02:20:54 GMT

Just thought of something else: if a person posts a personal problem, should it just be ignored? If so, the poster gets no response or 100 saying "I'm so sorry". Period.

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

Snowpuppy — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 02:35:01 GMT

I've been here since '05.

It breaks my heart when someone posts after losing a SO thru death or divorce that they have never learned to manage simple household tasks or their departed loved one was their only friend.

It also troubles me when posters who have never supported themselves, let alone been the sole support of their entire family to urge someone to leave their situation immediately and run to some non-existent helper agency that will solve all their problems.

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

GenXmuse — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 02:38:16 GMT

I would never ask for advice here except for things relating to products, books or movies. I'm always surprised by some posters who ask for it almost daily regarding their personal lives, but I can't fault someone for replying to a public forum. But I have stopped giving advice to people who ask the same things but don't really want to do anything about it.

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

Sooner — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 02:44:38 GMT

@rms1954 I understand what you said. There is one person in particular I don't want to call out, but a number of us have given her advice, I don't think she takes, and her mental state is fragile.

A number of us have specifically encouraged her to see doctors, etc. and I think maybe she isn't joining in because of that. I hope she is doing well, but I think maybe the value of coming here might be important and helpful more than the advice. Which I'm sure her doctors and relatives give her more than she cares to hear.

I worry. I worried about my mother for similar reasons, so I just thought I'd toss this out. Those who know her will recognize what I'm saying. Otherwise, it's a good topic I think in general.

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

alicedee — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 02:49:13 GMT

I never thought the forums were supposed to be like posting with your Facebook friends. Those people are your actual FRIENDS....and almost always will be loving, complimentary, and supportive.

I see these forums as places to discuss various subjects or situations that are posted....and you will get a variety of opinions and personalities responding. If someone is a really sensitive person, the forums probably aren't the best place for them to look for affirmation....people tend to speak their minds freely here.

i don't understand why people who are hurt by critical remarks post extremely personal stuff here...they would get more of the affirmation they are looking for with a group of their actual friends on FB.

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

Sooner — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 02:57:58 GMT

@AuntG wrote:
Are you thinking of half pint? I recall her saying she still reads the boards but didn't feel like posting. Didn't sense any bad feelings.

@AuntG Having had a lot of experience with four people of similar disposition and problems, I am just tossing out the thought. NONE of them want to hear or discuss their issues, and that was that.

Like I say, I think participating is good for some, and you always get enough advice from those around you who know and understand you and your situation. . and sometimes that's overload

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

Icegoddess — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 03:01:33 GMT

@alicedee wrote:
I never thought the forums were supposed to be like posting with your Facebook friends. Those people are your actual FRIENDS....and almost always will be loving, complimentary, and supportive.

I see these forums as places to discuss various subjects or situations that are posted....and you will get a variety of opinions and personalities responding. If someone is a really sensitive person, the forums probably aren't the best place for them to look for affirmation....people tend to speak their minds freely here.

i don't understand why people who are hurt by critical remarks post extremely personal stuff here...they would get more of the affirmation they are looking for with a group of their actual friends on FB.

@alicedee , it may be specifically that we do not actually know the person's identity that gives them the courage to post here. They might not want their Facebook friends to know. And Facebook friends are not necessarily close friends. Most of mine are more acquaintences than true friends. I only have a handful of what I would consider true friends on Facebook.

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

denisemb — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 03:01:54 GMT

@Sooner

I respectfully disagree with you in this one instance as I generally agree/enjoy with many of your posts.

How can being encouraged to seek professional advice be considered inferior to allowing her to continue to share her problems on the internet?

Especially as it includes "a number of us"? Sorry, I think treatment by a professional to be emmensely more helpful than 1,000 "I'm so sorry", "poor you" from random strangers that definitely will not result in any change in this person's dilemma.

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

K9buddy — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 03:07:13 GMT

@denisemb wrote:
@Sooner

I respectfully disagree with you in this one instance as I generally agree/enjoy with many of your posts.

How can being encouraged to seek professional advice be considered inferior to allowing her to continue to share her problems on the internet?

Especially as it includes "a number of us"? Sorry, I think treatment by a professional to be emmensely more helpful than 1,000 "I'm so sorry", "poor you" from random strangers that definitely will not result in any change in this person's dilemma.

Do you not think that these people haven't been told a thousands times from friends/family/family doctors to seek professional help?

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

proudlyfromNJ — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 03:10:42 GMT

@K9buddy wrote:
@denisemb wrote:
@Sooner

I respectfully disagree with you in this one instance as I generally agree/enjoy with many of your posts.

How can being encouraged to seek professional advice be considered inferior to allowing her to continue to share her problems on the internet?

Especially as it includes "a number of us"? Sorry, I think treatment by a professional to be emmensely more helpful than 1,000 "I'm so sorry", "poor you" from random strangers that definitely will not result in any change in this person's dilemma.
Do you not think that these people haven't been told a thousands times from friends/family/family doctors to seek professional help?

@K9buddy This certain poster does not have many friends,family or doctors. In fact, maybe only one.

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

Anonymous032819 — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 03:12:00 GMT

This is from Halfpint1 on 10/23 on the thread "For those who were asking about me"

"I am okay and thank you who cared. I couldn't get in. Don't know much about a computer. My son was here and cleared up. I heard aout cookies so he got on here and cleared up things. Wishing y"

I don't think the reason that she hasn't been posting as much as she use to is because posters were telling her things that she didn't want to hear.

I think that her cognitive abilities are declining and she is getting more and more confused even by "simple" things.

That's my opinion anyway..

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

NicksmomESQ — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 03:17:24 GMT

Maybe some people feel alone & have no one in their lives to turn to.So they turn to us.We should always be kind & if necessary encourage those people to seek professional help like most of us on this forum do.

Those people who make unkind remarks should consider not responding at all.You don't know who you're really dealing with.If you say something nasty to someone who's on the edge you may just push them over.

Re: Maybe We Should Stop Giving Advice?

denisemb — Fri, 01 Nov 2019 03:24:56 GMT

@K9buddy wrote:
@denisemb wrote:
@Sooner

I respectfully disagree with you in this one instance as I generally agree/enjoy with many of your posts.

How can being encouraged to seek professional advice be considered inferior to allowing her to continue to share her problems on the internet?

Especially as it includes "a number of us"? Sorry, I think treatment by a professional to be emmensely more helpful than 1,000 "I'm so sorry", "poor you" from random strangers that definitely will not result in any change in this person's dilemma.
Do you not think that these people haven't been told a thousands times from friends/family/family doctors to seek professional help?

so internet strangers offering "I'm sorry" platitudes will help sove their problems?