topic Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood! in Community Chat

There is a real thing called Victimhood!

CrazyDaisy — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 13:26:09 GMT

I have a new neighbor who I consider a "professional victim". Everyone else is wrong. everyone should help her and very negative, so I tend to avoid her. While looking a reviews of a local place her name came up with a post of a very negative review. The owner responded with an offer of a free meal to make up for it. Well courisity took over and I looked at other reviews she has posted. Saw the same pattern with many other businesses.

I googled professional victim and was amazed at all the information and studies concerning this matter. It was interesting some of the reasons how and why people act that way. Some want the sympathy and attention, others look for material gaines and others to justify their situation because of some wrong they feel has been done to them.

After reading some of the articles you have to start to feel sorry for these people, in most cases they are doing this to themselves. However it does explain a lot of how our society has evolved recently.

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

phoenixbrd — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 13:38:42 GMT

@CrazyDaisy You provided the answer for you ...."I avoid her". When I can't avoid negative people (sometime we don't have a choice), I practice compassion and gently change the subject to a more pleasant topic or remove myself as politely as possible. I don't indulge in negative conversation and I can't control how other's choose to live their lives, but I attempt to practice kindness.

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

CrazyDaisy — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 13:42:52 GMT

@phoenixbrd wrote:
@CrazyDaisy You provided the answer for you ...."I avoid her". When I can't avoid negative people (sometime we don't have a choice), I practice compassion and gently change the subject to a more pleasant topic or remove myself as politely as possible. I don't indulge in negative conversation and I can't control how other's choose to live their lives, but I attempt to practice kindness.

I have no intention of being rude, just not be drawn into her drama.

While have been aware that there are people like this, i was more interested in the victimhood aspect of society.

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

wishmoon — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 13:47:43 GMT

I think "Victimhood" is more of a "thing" today because ppl refuse to take personal responsibility for their actions resulting in blaming others. I, too, dislike this in ppl and steer clear of their drama.

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

Buffalogal47 — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 13:51:12 GMT

"Victimhood". Standard definition: My poor life choices are always somebody else's fault."

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

dex — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 13:53:23 GMT

I have a friend who is the nicest person and does so much for others but then she complains about it to the rest of us.She says people take advantage of her...is she a complainer?I can’t figure her out.I always say do want you enjoy doing and say no once in awhile if you are feeling overwhelmed.Other friends say she likes to be a victim.

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

SilleeMee — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 14:00:15 GMT

Seems to me that many people want to be victims rather than be heroes these days. Suing others for something and anything is much more 'profitable' and others may take sides with you in sympathy. But otoh, if you are a hero for saving the day then that seems to draw negativity and cause people to become envious and troll-like. You can't win for losing.

MISERY LOVES COMPANY

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

Bri369 — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 13:57:49 GMT

I'm sure there were always chronic complainers and people who are constantly playing the victim. I think because of the internet and social media we just hear about it more.

I avoid those people like the plague. I had an aunt like that. She would just drain the life out of everyone with her constant complaining and always being wronged.

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

cherry — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 13:58:28 GMT

I hate to say this ,but some people are really nasty. We go to a wonderful restaurant, and have for years. My parents went there when they were newly married. The owners are wonderful people

They fired an employee for coming to work drunk. So she posted really nasty stuff about them having rats and flies ,and all manner of nasty things, all lies. I looked up her other posts and they were all nasty too

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

traveler — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 14:00:25 GMT

My mother is a victim or martyr. Then she doesn’t understand why she pushes everyone away. It is true, all true.

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

CrazyDaisy — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 14:02:03 GMT

@wishmoon wrote:
I think "Victimhood" is more of a "thing" today because ppl refuse to take personal responsibility for their actions resulting in blaming others. I, too, dislike this in ppl and steer clear of their drama.

It goes beyond personal responsibility. A couple of the articles talk about whole groups of people who are deemed as the victims and how society reacts.

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

esmerelda — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 14:01:04 GMT

@dex wrote:
I have a friend who is the nicest person and does so much for others but then she complains about it to the rest of us.She says people take advantage of her...is she a complainer?I can’t figure her out.I always say do want you enjoy doing and say no once in awhile if you are feeling overwhelmed.Other friends say she likes to be a victim.

@dex She’s a martyr. Equally unpleasant to be around.

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

dex — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 14:02:01 GMT

@cherry @I hope you post about how wonderful your families tong term experiences have been.That the restaurant is clean and the people and food are enjoyable.

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

dex — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 14:03:47 GMT

@esmerelda @Yes I think you are right...now I understand.

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

SilleeMee — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 14:06:46 GMT

To me martyrs are victims by choice.

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

Sooner — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 14:10:25 GMT

@CrazyDaisy wrote:
I have a new neighbor who I consider a "professional victim". Everyone else is wrong. everyone should help her and very negative, so I tend to avoid her. While looking a reviews of a local place her name came up with a post of a very negative review. The owner responded with an offer of a free meal to make up for it. Well courisity took over and I looked at other reviews she has posted. Saw the same pattern with many other businesses.

I googled professional victim and was amazed at all the information and studies concerning this matter. It was interesting some of the reasons how and why people act that way. Some want the sympathy and attention, others look for material gaines and others to justify their situation because of some wrong they feel has been done to them.

After reading some of the articles you have to start to feel sorry for these people, in most cases they are doing this to themselves. However it does explain a lot of how our society has evolved recently.

@CrazyDaisy Yep. They get people to feel sorry for them for some "injustice" whether real, imagined or simply made up to get something. There is an awful lot of that going on today and people fall for it.

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

Grouchomarx — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 14:27:23 GMT

Ugh I used to have a neighbor like this. She drove me nuts. It was one sob story after another. And she never cared a lick about anything happening in my life. She always needed something or other, always knocking on my door at inopportune times. She was an attention hog. I would have paid her much more attention if she could have been pleasant for once.

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

Cats3000 — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 14:30:19 GMT

Yes, there is "victimhood" and there are "victimologists". It's much too political a discussion for this place.

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

CrazyDaisy — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 14:38:12 GMT

@Cats3000 wrote:
Yes, there is "victimhood" and there are "victimologists". It's much too political a discussion for this place.

While there can be political connotation, it is much more an issue with society in general and how we view eachother.

Re: There is a real thing called Victimhood!

BlueFinch — Tue, 24 Sep 2019 14:42:42 GMT

@CrazyDaisy I think those who continually view themselves as victims are emotionally wounded individuals. They're trying to control things externally to deflect from their own emotional instability and feelings of inferiority.

They use projection and scapegoating of others and for a moment feel better in seeing others as inferior. They thrive on such secondary gain.

The best advice is to redirect their negativity. If unsuccessful, avoid. The worst of these individuals can only be helped with professional counseling, if then. Too many fall into the web of trying to help, or rescue these folks, only sinking into their toxin, themselves.