topic Re: Wedding gift question in Community Chat

Wedding gift question

panda1234 — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 08:41:40 GMT

We are invited to a wedding and the couple is requesting money for their honeymoon. They have setup a website for you to pick different things that you might want your money to go to....hotel room, meals, flight. My question is, how far in advance do you give the money? They would need it way before the wedding in order to make the necessary reservations. Has anyone done this before? Wedding is in November, should we give the gift now?

Re: Wedding gift question

Lilysmom — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 08:47:33 GMT

@panda1234 , that is a new one for me. I kind of think that just looks like such a money grab. Am I the only one that thinks that? I know it happens but I think it’s tacky. LM

Re: Wedding gift question

mary0129 — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 09:40:02 GMT

Give them a check at the wedding. Don't spend too much time thinking about it. They will be delighted. Daughter got married last year so I've been there.

Re: Wedding gift question

gidgetgh — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 09:43:06 GMT

I personally would give it as late as possible, just out of spite, LOL. I'm kidding..... maybe.

I HATE couples asking for money for a wedding gift. If you can't afford the honeymoon, don't go. To me, it's the ultimate gift grab.

My best friend's daughter did this when she got married a few years ago. Her mom (my friend) wasn't thrilled with the idea at all, but of course, didn't say anything to cause any angst. I donated (it was to a general honeymoon fund- the funds when straight to the couple), but also gave a gift as I'd had something made for them.

Re: Wedding gift question

MLM21 — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 09:46:13 GMT

I got married in 1996 and I had the opposite problem. We never register anyplace as my now husband had everything we needed (we were both in the Navy at the time and he had an apt. so he had everything to set up a house (sans Microwave)). I honestly could not care less if people brought gifts as we did not need anything. Heard through the grapevine that people actually complained that we DID NOT have a registary and did not know what to get us.

This might be the issue with this couple. Like us, they probably already have a house or apt/condo, so they don't need need bedding, pots/pans, etc. So to them if people are expecting to pay for a gift, then why not on their honeymoon? No worse than showing up to a wedding with gift cards or cash instead of bedding as an example.

Re: Wedding gift question

panda1234 — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 10:11:03 GMT

@MLM21 wrote:
I got married in 1996 and I had the opposite problem. We never register anyplace as my now husband had everything we needed (we were both in the Navy at the time and he had an apt. so he had everything to set up a house (sans Microwave)). I honestly could not care less if people brought gifts as we did not need anything. Heard through the grapevine that people actually complained that we DID NOT have a registary and did not know what to get us.

This might be the issue with this couple. Like us, they probably already have a house or apt/condo, so they don't need need bedding, pots/pans, etc. So to them if people are expecting to pay for a gift, then why not on their honeymoon? No worse than showing up to a wedding with gift cards or cash instead of bedding as an example.

@MLM21 They do have everything that is why they did this. I do not have a problem with it, just don't know when to deposit the money....how far in advance.

Re: Wedding gift question

Bri369 — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 10:17:53 GMT

I would put the money in a month in advance.

Personally, I think asking to contribute to a honeymoon fund is tacky. I always give a cash gift and I honesty have no problem with the couple using it any way they wish. But asking for contributions to a honeymoon just seems tacky to me.

Re: Wedding gift question

Witchy Woman — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 10:23:57 GMT

@panda1234

I have the same situation with a late September wedding.

Couple registered a few items, but mostly wanted $$ for the honeymoon saying they had a household set up, etc.

It's on my husband's side and he is going solo to the wedding, which is out of town.

I'm plannng to deposit the money sometime soon, which is a few weeks before the event.

This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. The last wedding requested specific amounts for their trip to Disneyland.

While certainly not traditional by my standards, I'd rather give them what they want.

Re: Wedding gift question

ID2 — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 10:24:33 GMT

I would just give them a check at their wedding. At least they will have money after their honeymoon. Yup, todays society is all about instant gratification. Too bad.

Re: Wedding gift question

DLew — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 10:34:15 GMT

The one and only time that I was asked to contribute to a honeymoon was on a save the date card. I planned to bring a card with a check to the wedding which is my way. Never received an invitation and found out that the wedding never happened. Later the groom married someone else. No shower, no reception. None of the relatives I know contributed to the honeymoon fund. I don’t know what happened to the fund. This all happened over fifteen years ago.

Re: Wedding gift question

panda1234 — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 10:35:55 GMT

@Witchy Woman wrote:
@panda1234

I have the same situation with a late September wedding.

Couple registered a few items, but mostly wanted $$ for the honeymoon saying they had a household set up, etc.

It's on my husband's side and he is going solo to the wedding, which is out of town.

I'm plannng to deposit the money sometime soon, which is a few weeks before the event.

This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. The last wedding requested specific amounts for their trip to Disneyland.

While certainly not traditional by my standards, I'd rather give them what they want.

@Witchy Woman They are going to Disney also. For the 7 days it is going to be $6,000 for the rwo of them.

Re: Wedding gift question

SunValley — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 11:01:47 GMT

All the weddings I have been invited to within the past few years have had a “honey fund” component on the registry. Few couples today are transitioning from their parent’s home and starting from scratch like I did. A gift of towels or contributing to a memorable experience are both fine with me.

Re: Wedding gift question

Peaches McPhee — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 11:11:09 GMT

If this was the method I was going to use, I'd do it as soon as I got the invitation. Or very soon thereafter.

Re: Wedding gift question

Witchy Woman — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 11:38:37 GMT

@panda1234

Wowza, that seems like a lot for Disney, but I'm not a traveler, so what do I know.

When we donated to the previous honeymoon to Disney, they requested specific amounts for specific activities. We donated the airfare, which I think was $300 or so. The young man was my husband's nephew.

The current instance doesn't mention what the honeymoon plans are, so I will just donate my $$ to their account.

Times change, so the way we gift for weddings has changed. To repeat myself, I'd rather give something they want.

Re: Wedding gift question

Travone — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 11:40:36 GMT

If they want money for the honeymoon, I would assume they have everything they need and I would send a donation in their name to a local charity.

I want to go on vacation too, but I don't ask others to pay for it. Just because you are getting married doesn't mean you have to go on a vacation that you can't afford.

Re: Wedding gift question

mimomof4 — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 11:53:04 GMT

I don't have a problem with asking for money for the Honeymoon. If the couple has everything else, this is really no different than giving a couple money as your gift.

As far as when to give, I say whenever you are comfortable. If you can give the money now do so. At least you have that out of the way.

Re: Wedding gift question

FrostyBabe1 — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 12:02:50 GMT

I'd say contribute whatever amount you're comfortable with, whenever you want to make the contribution.

I see nothing wrong with the request, nor do I think it's a "money grab" or "asking for people to pay for a vacation they can't afford". It's not 1950 anymore and many, many couples already have all of the household goods that they could possibly need. Selecting from various items or activities for a honeymoon trip is really no different than picking a gift from a registry. Giving cash to a general fund is no different than giving them cash for whatever they want to spend it on.

Re: Wedding gift question

sidsmom — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 12:09:04 GMT

I would gift them using the same timeline as if I purchased

a physical wrapped gift. Why would this be different?

Monies would still be needed after the wedding so if you

wish to ‘pick up the gift’ on the day of the wedding

(I.e go online to donate to the fund), it would be appreciated

just as much. Hope you have fun at the wedding!

Re: Wedding gift question

haddon9 — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 12:09:10 GMT

Most people I know give a check for the wedding and ony use a gift registery for a shower. No one I know actually brings a wrapped gift to a weddding. Giving a check is no different than contributing towards their honeymoon.

For something like this I would give when I could. Now or a month or so out from the wedding.

Some people think this is tacky...it's not much tackier than a gift registry. After all a registry is asking for a gift too. To give a contribution to a charity instead of a gift to me is tacky and not very nice.

Re: Wedding gift question

queendiva — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 12:19:25 GMT

The first I heard of this was for a family member's wedding.Asked to fund their honeymoon to Greece! These two young NYC professionals lived in an apt. and made high dollar salaries. They also had a traditional registry at Pottery Barn. They had many takers to contribute to their honeymoon; I was not one of them.

Sorry- OG here. I would be appalled if my only remaining single child, who I love dearly and expect to announce their engagement in a few months, and intended spouse registered for such a thing. Considering how many couples live together long before marriage, should they not have set up their own Honey Fund Me account?