topic Re: Vacay in Community Chat

Vacay

Thrive — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 01:46:44 GMT

Hi,

I would like a little advice please. My husband and I went away on a mini vacation. While we were on the road, my husband received a voice text to his car that my cousin who we knew was in hospice passed away. The text came from my sister. I have MS so stress is difficult for me. In her text, she noted to my husband to tell me when he thought it was appropriate. I found this to be strange because she had already sent me a personal message earlier that morning. I just discovered it today. We have been back home for one day. I kept my smart phone turned off during the trip. We usually leave his phone on because of our son who might need to reach us. A couple of days later she sent a final arrangement email to my husband. I simply don't understand why the emails could not have waited. We are now back home and the service will not be for another eight days. I don't understand why she needed to put a damper on our vacation when the news could have waited. When we arrived home, I sent her an email that stated we had a peaceful vacation. I told her previously that I would send an email when we arrived home safely. I guess I just don't understand the urgency. I think that she may be angry because I didn't send a response to any of her messages. She usually calls nightly. However, she has not called the past two nights. What do you think about this situation?

Re: Vacay

GenXmuse — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 01:49:36 GMT

No words.

Re: Vacay

Marp — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 01:54:01 GMT

@GenXmuse wrote:
No words.

I have words but I'm going to keep them to myself.

Re: Vacay

Anonymous032819 — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 01:59:21 GMT

Gee, most people would want to know right away that a family member had passed, vacation or no vacation, and would be mad if the messenger had waited until the recipient had returned home from vacation before getting the news.

Re: Vacay

Thrive — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 02:00:06 GMT

Thank you for being considerate. If I am wrong, then I glady accept any opinion.

Re: Vacay

phoenixbrd — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 02:07:04 GMT

@Thrive Forgive her....she was stressed by the devastating news and as a family member thought you would be alarmed if she hadn't reached you. When close family passes usually they inform family....totally understandable. I am sorry for your loss. The urgency was that your cousin had passed. Show up at the services with condolences and thank your sister for calling you.

Re: Vacay

Thrive — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 02:01:09 GMT

Thank you!

Re: Vacay

Thrive — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 02:02:21 GMT

Thank you!

Re: Vacay

september — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 02:03:49 GMT

I have words. @Thrive Perhaps you’ve never been in a situation where you had to deliver the news of a loved ones passing.

Those of us who have been there, have been grieving and under a great deal of stress. The last thing on my mind, would have been whether or not I was ruining someone’s vacation.

Re: Vacay

Thrive — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 02:05:54 GMT

Yes, you are right. I guess it was my way of trying to avoid hearing something so awful.

Re: Vacay

MamaWick — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 02:08:09 GMT

Was there anything you or your husband could have done? Probably not, so she definitively could have and should have waited. Years ago, my BIL and SIL were on vacay in Europe when their house was struck by lightning. There was minimal damage. Their adult children called me and asked if they should contact their parents? I asked them if there was anything their parents could do from Europe except worry? They said no, and didn't call them.

Re: Vacay

september — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 02:11:28 GMT

@MamaWick wrote:
Was there anything you or your husband could have done? Probably not, so she definitively could have and should have waited. Years ago, my BIL and SIL were on vacay in Europe when their house was struck by lightning. There was minimal damage. Their adult children called me and asked if they should contact their parents? I asked them if there was anything their parents could do from Europe except worry? They said no, and didn't call them.

You can’t be serious. You’re equating property damage with the death of a family member??

Re: Vacay

alicedee — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 02:11:30 GMT

If your sister has a daily phone conversation with you, she probably thought you would want to know your cousin died. I know I would want a text or call telling me if one of my cousins passed away.

Also if it were me, I would have taken a few seconds to text back, “Thanks for letting me know, Sis. So sad. I will call you when I get home.”

My guess is that you are correct, and she is annoyed with you for a perceived rudeness. In my mind she did nothing wrong by her message, but you obviously feel differently.

Sounds like you two are close....I’m sure it will blow over.

Re: Vacay

Thrive — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 02:17:22 GMT

Thank you, we are close. I did thank her for the message on my husband's phone. However, she did not know it was me who responded to the text. As far as she knows, only my husband know about her text. She sent it directly to him to avoid stressing me because of my illness. Your advice is well taken.

Re: Vacay

Anonymous032819 — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 02:17:59 GMT

@september wrote:
I have words. @Thrive Perhaps you’ve never been in a situation where you had to deliver the news of a loved ones passing.

Those of us who have been there, have been grieving and under a great deal of stress. The last thing on my mind, would have been whether or not I was ruining someone’s vacation.

@september

So true.

When I got the call that my dad had died, I was in shock, and all I could think about was I had to notify the family.

It was awful making those calls and breaking the news to them.

It felt like my mind was racing on what to do, yet at the same time, it felt like it was moving through thick sludge, if that makes any sense.

Re: Vacay

Anonymous032819 — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 02:20:18 GMT

@Thrive wrote:
Thank you, we are close. I did thank her for the message on my husband's phone. However, she did not know it was me who responded to the text. As far as she knows, only my husband know about her text. She sent it directly to him to avoid stressing me because of my illness. Your advice is well taken.

Sounds like she was trying to be considerate to your welbeing.

Re: Vacay

Anonymous032819 — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 02:22:22 GMT

@september wrote:
@MamaWick wrote:
Was there anything you or your husband could have done? Probably not, so she definitively could have and should have waited. Years ago, my BIL and SIL were on vacay in Europe when their house was struck by lightning. There was minimal damage. Their adult children called me and asked if they should contact their parents? I asked them if there was anything their parents could do from Europe except worry? They said no, and didn't call them.
You can’t be serious. You’re equating property damage with the death of a family member??

I don't care if I am on vacation, and there is nothing that I can do, I would still want to know as soon as possible if a family member had passed.

Re: Vacay

Thrive — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 02:23:09 GMT

Thank you! I feel less rude and insensitive. I too thought it could have waited . If I could have changed his destiny I would have done so. I have dealt with so much loss ie: my son and parents. I also have multiple sclerosis. At this point in my life, it's difficult to hear more bad news. However, I understand too that it's not all about me.

Re: Vacay

VaBelle35 — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 02:41:39 GMT

@Thrive Maybe your sister is waiting for you to call her? Or does she always call you?

Did you send her the email that you arrived home safely? Maybe she's waiting for that to call.

Re: Vacay

RoughDraft — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 03:11:08 GMT

I guess I'll keep it to myself where my DH and I spent this past Christmas Eve.