topic Re: I feel so inept in Community Chat

I feel so inept

catter70 — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 12:58:48 GMT

Even after 41 years ago today, I never know what to say to my sister in remembrance of the loss of her son to leukemia. He was only 9 years old and though we talk about him on occassion, I never know how to let her know that I remember today (like it was yesterday) and how much I loved him.

Re: I feel so inept

Karie2022 — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 13:09:34 GMT

That’s so tragic, I’m sorry for your loss, although it was a long time ago I’m sure in many ways it feels like yesterday...I can’t even imagine that kind of loss. I think just what you said in your message is heartfelt...that you remember him fondly and will love him always...somethings are so hard to say, but not saying anything is sometimes worse. I’m sure your sister would appreciate your kind words and knowing that he is remembered.

Re: I feel so inept

CAcableGirl2 — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 13:12:17 GMT

@catter70 If difficult to say the words, I would get a card in the mail today, and write down what you posted. I'm sure she will be emotional when she reads it but will really appreciate that you remember him after so many years.

Re: I feel so inept

panda1234 — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 13:15:44 GMT

Speak from your heart, say what you have posted here. Tell her you are thinking of him today and how much you miss him. This would mean the world to her. I have a friend who lost a daughter and she once told me that all you want is for people to remember the person who is gone.

Re: I feel so inept

Goodie2shoes — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 13:12:38 GMT

I think just letting her know that you remember him and loved him very much as you noted in your post should make her feel some comfort. I have a sister who lost her oldest daughter at age 28, 4 days before Christmas. My sister raised her daughters children who are now adults, one is autistic and she has done a great job. Every year we remember my niece and let my sister know we have not forgotten her and that helps her through that time. Show your sister love by telling her exactly how you feel and how you have not forgotten her loss. Hope that helps

Re: I feel so inept

Jamma — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 13:13:57 GMT

@Karie2022 wrote:
That’s so tragic, I’m sorry for your loss, although it was a long time ago I’m sure in many ways it feels like yesterday...I can’t even imagine that kind of loss. I think just what you said in your message is heartfelt...that you remember him fondly and will love him always...somethings are so hard to say, but not saying anything is sometimes worse. I’m sure your sister would appreciate your kind words and knowing that he is remembered.

I totally agree.

Re: I feel so inept

IamMrsG — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 13:15:24 GMT

@catter70 I believe telling your sister exactly what you told us, simply that you still remember and love him, would be a loving thing to say and very much appreciated.

Re: I feel so inept

phoenixbrd — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 13:31:41 GMT

Just speaking simply from your heart will be appreciated. So sorry for your tragic loss,

Re: I feel so inept

GCR18 — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 13:46:47 GMT

Say exactly what you wrote. Write it down if you need to and read it to her. 💞

Re: I feel so inept

dex — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 14:13:03 GMT

@catter70 @Just call your sister and tell her what you are thinking.I am sure that she could use that loving call today.

Re: I feel so inept

chrystaltree — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 14:17:07 GMT

Say exactly what you just said. It's not a new loss so I'm assuming, your thoughts and memories are around his birthday or his birth or Christmas. You think about the life he never got to have. She's your sister. You don't need special words, just speak from your heart. However, I would speak about his life; the fun times with him, the silly things. I wouldn't open up the pain of losing him with your sister. My parents lost a child before I was born; he was the first and died when he was 7 months old. For many years, most of my childhood, my mom baked a birthday cake for his birthday and all of us kids blew out the candles. And ate cake! I know now that it was her way of celebrating that child's life, cherishing the time they had with him.

Re: I feel so inept

LindaSal — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 14:17:41 GMT

I would send her a pretty bouquet of flowers with a card that says I love you and I love and miss your son, please know he is always in my heart.

Re: I feel so inept

debcakes — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 14:30:06 GMT

@panda1234 wrote:
Speak from your heart, say what you have posted here. Tell her you are thinking of him today and how much you miss him. This would mean the world to her. I have a friend who lost a daughter and she once told me that all you want is for people to remember the person who is gone.

The above is the best advice. I have a friend who lost her son to cancer 24 years ago. Most of her current friends never met her son. I have noticed that when her old friends who knew him are together, she really likes to talk about him and be able to mention him to people who knew him and can add to the comments. I think she likes to have people mention him by name and to know he is not forgotten. It’s just so sad, even now.

Re: I feel so inept

catter70 — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 14:45:26 GMT

Thank you all for your kindness. My heart has been broken for her all these years. She was such a good mom and caregiver.It really changes the entire dynamics of a family when a child dies before a parent.

Re: I feel so inept

henderson — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 15:20:18 GMT

We lost our 33 yr old son to cancer on 12/10/10. Everyone has given good advice -- I want our family to remember our son and speaking from the heart is one way to do that. It helps to remember that he was loved by his family and friends. We never want to forget. It does get easier over time dealing with the grief.

Re: I feel so inept

catter70 — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 15:29:34 GMT

@henderson. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Thank you so much.

Re: I feel so inept

mousiegirl — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 17:53:45 GMT

@catter70 Is there a reason why you havn't told your sister this when the two of you talk about him? It seems that would be the time.

Re: I feel so inept

threecees — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 19:20:30 GMT

Yes it is better to remember and share the tears and hope

fully a smile and a laugh or two.

Acknowledging a terrible loss and being there with someone

and talking about memories is good to do, saying you care

and even though that person is gone, they will never be

forgotten.

My parents anniversary just passed a few weeks ago and

my father is deceased. I still acknowledged the day to my

mom. I felt it was the right thing to do.

Re: I feel so inept

goldensrbest — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 18:25:45 GMT

As a person that had a son die, i can tell you it would mean the world to have some one remember, call her ,send flowers, or a card.

Re: I feel so inept

catter70 — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 20:22:00 GMT

@mousiegirl, of course we've talked over the years, but it just seems that there could be more said on the day he passed, but I just don't know how to put it into words the way I want.