topic Re: How does it work in your family? in Community Chat

How does it work in your family?

cherry — Sun, 16 Jun 2019 21:10:56 GMT

I keep reading how everything, in some families, is the mother's choice/fault .That includes any decision others don't like

Raising our children, has always been a joint effort, and my children's father had as much say in the decision making ,as I did

I never assume in any family, every choice that gets made, is down solely to the mother.

Re: How does it work in your family?

Carmie — Sun, 16 Jun 2019 21:17:46 GMT

My husband worked the midnight shift and on holidays and weekends. A couple of days a week, he worked doubles.

I pretty much raised our children by myself. He was an excellent father, but he couldn't be here most of the time.

I also made most of the other choices around the house...I shopped alone for furniture, etc.

Our children grew up to be fine adults, so I will take the applause.

My oldest son is married with children. He mostly does everything around the house, except laundry. He even takes his daughter shopping for clothing.

Re: How does it work in your family?

cherry — Sun, 16 Jun 2019 21:20:12 GMT

My husband always worked all the hrs God sent, but, we still discussed things,, and came to a joint decision, over major issues regarding where our children went to school ,and things like that @Carmie

Re: How does it work in your family?

GCR18 — Sun, 16 Jun 2019 21:21:40 GMT

I haven't heard that. When growing up, my father made all decisions. I find with my friends and people I know with kids, It's a joint decision.

Re: How does it work in your family?

RedTop — Sun, 16 Jun 2019 22:02:43 GMT

We started out making joint decisions, but during my husbands hardest working years, the decision-making for everything, fell to me.

He simply wasn’t here enough to keep up with everything, and when he was home, he did not want to hear details of whatever I had taken care of while he was working.

If we needed furniture, he knew I would buy it thru my Dad at the store where we’d purchased all of our other furniture, vehicles would be inspected by and repaired by our go to car guy, and more than once he came home to find a new vehicle in the driveway for him to see before I bought it. He was always aware of when we needed to trade my vehicle, but he has NEVER in 45 years been involved in choosing the vehicle I drive. Likewise, I don’t normally pick out his trucks either.

To this day, my husband prefers not to be the decision maker. He trusts my judgment, knows how I hate to spend money, and knows I will get the best deal possible.

Re: How does it work in your family?

Carmie — Sun, 16 Jun 2019 22:06:18 GMT

@cherry My husband hates making decisions. He won't even go in with me to discuss auto, life, home or health insurance.

He offers no input in choosing home furnishings. Can you believe I went car shopping for him? I've done it more than once. I choose the make and model and test drive it. When I am satisfied, he will test drive it again to see,if he likes it, and I will negotiate the deal. He will sign the paperwork and drive it home.

He doesn't want to make any decisions, minor or major. It works for us.

Re: How does it work in your family?

Trinity11 — Sun, 16 Jun 2019 22:15:05 GMT

In our family, most decisions were made by yours truly. My husband worked long hours and often weekends. He was in a highly competitive field and wasn’t around a lot. Even to this day, he defers to my decisions. It worked for us but in retrospect there were times it was difficult.

Re: How does it work in your family?

happycat — Sun, 16 Jun 2019 22:23:59 GMT

My husband worked a lot of hours when our kids were home, now it seems like he is having to work even more. But, he was always in on any major decisions.

One thing I have realized, speaking with other women is how controlling some husbands can be toward the wives. One friend whose daughter is grown, told me her husband bought all her daughters clothes when she was little. He wanted to be the one to pick them out. As well as their furniture and vehicles. It has really make me appreciate my dh even more. My friend didn't really get to make many decisions, it seems like.

But, @cherry, as far as me and my dh, we always made decisions together. And sometimes we didn't agree and just had to each compromise. It's not all been fun or wine and roses. But, its been good and I have been blessed. We will have been married 34 years in November.

Re: How does it work in your family?

cherry — Sun, 16 Jun 2019 22:27:09 GMT

I am dancing around a bit ,trying not to get this poofed @Trinity11 On another thread, I read someone ,blame the mother, even though they don't know her, for a decision they didn't like

I don't think that is fair..

Re: How does it work in your family?

Trinity11 — Sun, 16 Jun 2019 22:50:14 GMT

@cherry wrote:
I am dancing around a bit ,trying not to get this poofed @Trinity11 On another thread, I read someone ,blame the mother, even though they don't know her, for a decision they didn't like

I don't think that is fair..

@cherry It isn’t fair but sometimes you can have two children, growing up in the same home and they see things completely different.

You do your best but most parents make mistakes along the way.

Re: How does it work in your family?

cherry — Sun, 16 Jun 2019 22:53:15 GMT

This is a total stranger and a celebrity of sorts .I am sure you recall the thread which was locked after you posted

I just don't know how you can decide , exactly who makes the decisions, in a family you don't even know @Trinity11

Re: How does it work in your family?

Trinity11 — Sun, 16 Jun 2019 22:58:04 GMT

@cherry wrote:
This is a total stranger and a celebrity of sorts .I am sure you recall the thread which was locked after you posted

I just don't know how you can decide , exactly who makes the decisions, in a family you don't even know @Trinity11

If it is the thread I am thinking of, I stopped trying to figure out strangers on the internet years ago. Of course I agree with you that she is not to blame solely for anything but people are complex ... Who knows why they come up with their judgments.

Re: How does it work in your family?

software — Sun, 16 Jun 2019 23:02:41 GMT

I didn't know this was a re-hash of another thread, deleted my post

Re: How does it work in your family?

cherry — Sun, 16 Jun 2019 23:01:15 GMT

@Trinity11 thank you, I just didn't want to feel, I am over sensative, because of my family makeup...I realize everyone doesn't like everyone else. Many, at least, try to be objective

Re: How does it work in your family?

ECBG — Mon, 17 Jun 2019 00:58:46 GMT

I was reared somewhat firmly and DH was permissive. Rearing two boys with that kind of backup wasn't easy at times.

Re: How does it work in your family?

queendiva — Mon, 17 Jun 2019 01:01:41 GMT

Even when I was married I made most of the decisions. He paid the bills. I found out later he was terrible with the money he earned. In terms of the children, it was me 99%.

I am proud to say that they have grown up to be loving, responsible, well educated and successful adults. The one who is married: his wife defers most of the decision making to him.

Re: How does it work in your family?

PamfromCT — Mon, 17 Jun 2019 02:26:39 GMT

Looking back over many years ago, DH and I made many mutual decisions. However, DH always worked long hours. I was determined to be a strong yet fair mother. I think I was more strict than some, but loving, if that makes sense. I handled the day-to-day running of the household and handled issues as they arose. Never once said, “Wait til your father comes home,”

My children have grown up to be good people. We are proud of them.

Re: How does it work in your family?

occasionalrain — Mon, 17 Jun 2019 03:02:08 GMT

I choose my cars, my husband chooses his. He likes pleasing me and I like pleasing him. We get on because we are compatible, like the same things, the same people.

I watch House Hunters, so often couples want totally different styles when choosing their house. If they are that far apart concerning a house, I have to think they have made an unfortunate choice of mates.