topic Re: “It’s okay to go.” in Community Chat

“It’s okay to go.”

LilacTree — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 20:16:00 GMT

That’s what one of the nurses at the hospice told me to say to my sister when she was terminally ill with lung cancer.

Although I wasn’t really sure I wanted to say that, I waited for a private moment with her and said it.

There was dead silence in the room that seemed endless. Then my sister looked up at me with her bright green eyes and a puzzled expression and said “Go where?”

I never felt so stupid in my life. She died two months later.

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

QVCkitty1 — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 20:21:03 GMT

Well, a nurse told me the same thing when my dad was near death. I just kept telling him it was ok to go , that mom was waiting for him, and shortly after he passed. I appreciated her advice , because frankly I was so scared and it helped.

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

WindingRoad — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 20:21:10 GMT

@LilacTree that story is so funny and so sad, all at the same. Life certainly has it's crazy moments.

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

Anonymous032819 — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 20:24:22 GMT

@LilacTree wrote:
That’s what one of the nurses at the hospice told me to say to my sister when she was terminally ill with lung cancer.

Although I wasn’t really sure I wanted to say that, I waited for a private moment with her and said it.

There was dead silence in the room that seemed endless. Then my sister looked up at me with her bright green eyes and a puzzled expression and said “Go where?”

I never felt so stupid in my life. She died two months later.

There was no reason to feel stupid. You gave her your blessing, and that's always a selfless thing to do.

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

dulwich — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 20:28:55 GMT

@LilacTree Oh my this made me laugh in a sad way so sorry for your loss but it goes to show we should go by our own gut feelings on advice which however kindly given does not always work for us.

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

aroc3435 — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 20:32:56 GMT

@LilacTree I had the same experience when my father was dying in hospice years and years ago, except the nurse didn't give me the advice, I just knew what to say (I was very close to my dad) and knew he was hanging on by a thread waiting for another family member who was NOT going to come.

I told him heaven was like a rose garden (he loved gardening all his life) and that person X wasn't able to come so you can just leave and go to the garden now. He opened his eyes, looked at me, and was gone.

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

Snowpuppy — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 20:37:05 GMT

@dulwich wrote:
@LilacTree Oh my this made me laugh in a sad way so sorry for your loss but it goes to show we should go by our own gut feelings on advice which however kindly given does not always work for us.

@LilacTree Best story ever! I'll go when it's my time.

I think in Hinduism they believe it's up to oneself when to be born and when to "go".

So much for Western Medicine.

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

proudlyfromNJ — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 20:40:10 GMT

@LilacTree My Father said the same thing when my sibling told him it was ok to go. Go where?? Sibling didn’t know what to say.

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

LilacTree — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 20:50:46 GMT

My beloved sister was very pragmatic. she knew where she was and why. But she always acted as though she was going to get up the next morning, stick a cigarette in her mouth and hop on her beloved horse for a romp through the fields.

That was almost eight years ago. She was “unforgettable,” and I’ll miss her forever.

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

Still Raining — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 20:50:13 GMT

Once in the ER I realized things were not going well and it seemed to be dark. I was happy for the quiet. Then all heck broke out and here I am.

But just for a moment I know I wouldn’t have wanted anyone to rouse me with talk. I want to go with silence.

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

Annabellethecat66 — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 20:55:23 GMT

@LilacTree You made me laugh out loud. That's what my dear mother would have said when we were surrounding her during her last breaths in the hospital.

She was bright-eyed right up until she took her last breath. We were all talking and joking. (She'd been married 6 times to 3 different men).

My brother was talking about his wife (who'd died recently) how he'd see her in Heaven.

My mother (clear as day) chirped in and said, "I wonder which husband is going to greet me with open arms".

The only time I said those words was when my beloved cat (Penelope) died. I'd just had to put to sleep my husband's favorite cat after he'd died. I made up my mind I wasn't going to do that again.

The Vet had said Penny was going to die that night he was almost sure. I took her home. Put her in bed with me and stayed up all night next to her. THAT's when I said, "Penny, it's OK to go to Heaven now. Daddy's there waiting for you".

It sounds strange, but that's when she died. I know you can't do that very often. But that time I was able to do it.

When my husband dropped dead downstairs and I was doing CPR does anyone think I'd have said, "It's OK to go". Hell no! I was yelling inbetween CPR and pushing on his chest not to leave me. (There were a few other words...Ha!).

@LilacTree Now I'm here boo hooing at the memory. But thanks for your post.

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

CelticCrafter — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 20:59:39 GMT

They're really hard words to say but sometimes they are needed and to not say them would be selfish.

When I knew it was time to say them to my sister, it was very hard because she was the only one I had left. My parents and brother had passed.

I told her I really didn't want to say them but I knew it was time and she said she was waiting for them because she didn't want to be selfish and leave me until I was ready. </3

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

LilacTree — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 21:23:59 GMT

@Annabellethecat66

And then you made me laugh, Annabelle!

Sometimes it’s good for us to be able to laugh at scary things.

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

jubilant — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 21:24:35 GMT

I am one who is convinced and believe in life after death so I am looking forward to my next life which I am convinced will be a life of great happiness with no death, pain, or sorrow.

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

godi — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 21:27:32 GMT

❤️

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

Mary Bailey — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 21:29:54 GMT

My much younger cousin in the hospital with lung cancer, got up out her hospital bed and told her sister it was time for her to go.

Her sister lead her back to bed and ask her where she had to go?

She closed her eyes and passed away.

When my Dad was in hospice we all told him it was ok to go & we would take care of Mom.

I think it helps us as much as it helps them.

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

SoX — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 21:36:40 GMT

@LilacTree

I had to laugh at your post, too ... reminded me of my brother, who died two years ago after a fall that paralyzed him from the neck down.

His wife kept telling him to "go toward the light," ... he replied "I don't see any light." He died six months later after telling his daughter that he was ready to go be with his brother.

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

fancy pantsy — Sun, 31 Mar 2019 23:03:22 GMT

@LilacTree wrote:
That’s what one of the nurses at the hospice told me to say to my sister when she was terminally ill with lung cancer.

Although I wasn’t really sure I wanted to say that, I waited for a private moment with her and said it.

There was dead silence in the room that seemed endless. Then my sister looked up at me with her bright green eyes and a puzzled expression and said “Go where?”

I never felt so stupid in my life. She died two months later.

you know what @LilacTree ? i had the exact same reply from my dear, dear friend when hospice suggested those words and she replied exactly the same as your sister. i also felt like an idiot.

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

BirkiLady — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 01:52:35 GMT

Instinctively, I knew to say, "It's time to go" to my husband. His smile was one of relief and his passed away within an hour. It was as if he had been holding on for US. He was still showing his love and concern at the very end; afraid our son and I would be hurt. Still don't understand why he didn't realize it hurt much more to see him suffering.

Mom was so close to death. We had talked about it and she was at peace; anxious to go. We were so close, I was comfortable with her death. As she began to lapse out of conscienceness, I left for a few hours. Returned. It took her longer than expected. She passed away 36 hours later. I've always been saddened her transition didn't go quickly. She deserved so much better. The last 14 years as a dementia patient had been so rough, but she was always so friendly, smiling and happy. Sh

Re: “It’s okay to go.”

candys mine — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 02:50:58 GMT

That is exactly what happened when my Da passed on. as another anecdote I saw somewhere some mystical person saying he knew the seven words that would ease a loved ones passing. Well, so do I. They are..."Every thing will be taken care of."

Remembering all who have go on before us.