topic Re: I Need Some Advice in Community Chat

I Need Some Advice

SXMGirl — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 19:33:26 GMT

Here's the story:

Last week, I took a friend to a doctor appointment that required her to be sedated. I volunteered to take her, she did not ask me, and I told her that it did not matter to me when she made her appointment. I treated her to lunch after her procedure. Everything is fine.

Today, in the mail, I get a thank you plus a $50 gift card, money that I know she cannot afford. I did not volunteer to take her to her appointment with the idea of getting any compensation. I am not happy about this. I realize that she had no one else to take her, but I don't think this is right.

So, any suggestions on how to handle this? It is an Amazon card, which I can always use, but I am uncomfortable with this, and maybe just a little offended that she thinks I should be paid for doing someithng that friends should do for each other.

What would you do? TIA!

Re: I Need Some Advice

MalteseMomma — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 19:37:31 GMT

Just accept the gift card and thank her very much.....

I am sure she knows you did it from your heart

Re: I Need Some Advice

threecees — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 19:37:32 GMT

Your friend appreciates you and your kindness.

By giving the card back or not showing gratitude you will hurt

her feelings.

I would say you didnt have to do this but I really appreciated it and

would offer to help her in the near future if she needs a ride again.

Re: I Need Some Advice

Krimpette — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 19:37:53 GMT

I would thank her for her gracious gesture. How nice of her to show her appreciation.

Re: I Need Some Advice

Peaches McPhee — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 19:39:49 GMT

I think you are making this all about yourself and your feelings, rather than her and her feelings. Accept the fact that she wants to thank you in her own way.

Re: I Need Some Advice

I am still oxox — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 19:41:50 GMT

Say thank you and if you feel the need make an anonymous contribution to a charity with the money

Re: I Need Some Advice

PinkyPetunia — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 19:42:22 GMT

Graciously accept the gift card. Your friend wants to express her thanks. Just say it was thoughtful of her and leave it at that. Your friend has some pride (to her credit) and doesn't want to take and take without reciprocating.

Re: I Need Some Advice

chrystaltree — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 19:45:35 GMT

Well, she gave you the gift card so obviously she can afford it. She was grateful for your kindness so be grateful and gracious in return and accept it. The gift doesn't mean that she is PAYING you, if that's what you are concerned about. It's just a lovely expression of her gratitude. It's also possible that she is re-gifting a card that someone gave her because she knows you will use it. I received 2 Amazon gift cards for Christmas that I intend to re-gift when the occasion arises.

Re: I Need Some Advice

Scooby Doo — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 19:47:44 GMT

Be gracious and accept the card. Tell her that she's paid for the next trip as well. Many of us don't want to be a burden and want to be independent and this is perhaps her way of staying that way emotionally. May not make sense to you, but it's important to her. I, too, don't want my friends or family to think I'm taking advantage of their time. If it bothers you that much, maybe pick up the lunch check next time.

Re: I Need Some Advice

SXMGirl — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 19:50:27 GMT

@chrystaltree I am hoping that she is regifting since I know that right now she is having financial difficulties.

@Scooby Doo I had already told her that if she needs to go anywhere, I will be glad to take her.

It is absolutely not about me. Taking someone to an appointment is what friends do, especially when they have friends who have no one else.

Re: I Need Some Advice

Nightowlz — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 19:50:11 GMT

I understand how you feel since I would feel the same way. I don't want money especially from people that don't have it.

Since she had a procedure that required a ride is she at home not able to drive now? Could she use a few meals while recouping? Just a thought don't know her situation.

Re: I Need Some Advice

Sooner — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 19:50:17 GMT

@SXMGirl You are "offended?" Really? That someone wanted to do something nice for you?

I think you need to think long and hard about that and why on earth you would be offended. I think it is hard in relationships if one person always has to be the giver. It sometimes makes the receiver feel "less than."

Re: I Need Some Advice

SXMGirl — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 19:54:23 GMT

@Sooner I am offended that she would feel the need to pay for a ride from a friend. I don't see why anyone would want payment for this unless in the taxi business.

@Nightowlz She is fine and able to drive now. Thanks for asking.

Re: I Need Some Advice

CelticCrafter — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 19:57:52 GMT

I would say thank you, you know you really didn't have to do that. I will use it for something special or frivolous.

I recently had a friend do something for me that she really didn't have to do and I sent her a small gift basket to thank her.

Re: I Need Some Advice

Scooby Doo — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 20:00:25 GMT

@SXMGirl wrote:
@chrystaltree I am hoping that she is regifting since I know that right now she is having financial difficulties.

@Scooby Doo I had already told her that if she needs to go anywhere, I will be glad to take her.

It is absolutely not about me. Taking someone to an appointment is what friends do, especially when they have friends who have no one else.

It's a done deal. Let it go.

Re: I Need Some Advice

Sooner — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 20:03:10 GMT

@SXMGirl wrote:
@Sooner I am offended that she would feel the need to pay for a ride from a friend. I don't see why anyone would want payment for this unless in the taxi business.

@Nightowlz She is fine and able to drive now. Thanks for asking.

@SXMGirl Do you think she would feel offended that you couldn't accept a gift from her? Isn't that the same thing? I can't see where "offended" fits in any of this situation. I think both need to lighten up and simply accept things with gratitude. Sometimes simply accepting help or thanks with joy is the biggest reward. It goes both ways.

Re: I Need Some Advice

Greeneyedlady21 — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 20:03:48 GMT

@SXMGirl I understand where you are coming from. You are a good hearted person who believes people should do things for others without any expectations of personal gain. I believe that too. Unfortunately we live in a world and time in which many people don't believe that.

When my Mom was on hospice at home two neighbors helped me keep a generator going during a long power outage last March. It broke my heart that I had two brothers who did nothing. It was par for the course but still so painful. I gave the neighbors gift cards to show my appreciation. That's how my Mom raised me, to always show gratitude and appreciation.

Maybe your friend is in a similar situation with family or other friends who don't help. So she would feel so eternally grateful to you that she wants to express it.

Maybe you could write her a note and say thank you so much for the gift card but she doesn't need to do that again going forward. That you are happy to help her.

Re: I Need Some Advice

on the bay — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 20:16:20 GMT

@SXMGirl -

I can imagine how you would feel but also if I was her in that situation, I would be so grateful, that it would be a natural thing and give me happiness to give you something.

I think if you look at it that way, maybe you will feel not so much that "she didn't have to do it" but just like you helped her because you care about her and you wanted to, she felt that she really wanted to do something for you because it meant so much to her what you did for her.

Re: I Need Some Advice

QVCkitty1 — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 20:18:19 GMT

I understand how you feel, but try to understand her point of view. I have a difficult time accepting help, so I kind of know how she feels. Since she is on her own your kind gesture meant a lot to her. Accept her thanks, saying something will just make her feel bad.

Re: I Need Some Advice

QVCalm — Wed, 13 Mar 2019 20:36:35 GMT

It could be SHE doesn't have a NEED to pay; it's maybe SHE has the WANT to show how much you are appreciated. The WANT is more freeing.