topic Re: When is it time to stop driving? in Community Chat

When is it time to stop driving?

barb40 — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 19:39:40 GMT

Mother in Law (early 80's) has had a handful of "situations" while driving...neither she nor anyone else has ever been hurt. The most recent thing that happened while driving was that she hit the curb and got a flat tire, had to have car towed...because ...she was trying to answer her cell phone while she was driving! My husband was so upset with her! If makes me very concerned re: poor judgement and reaction time. Not to mention she could have had an accident, where she and/or someone else could have gotten hurt or killed.

When is it time to talk to a parent about stopping driving?

If you have stopped driving...did you decide on your own, or did someone decide for you?

I know this is a tough topic...and Independence is a huge factor.

Thanks for any insight/suggestions you may have.

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

sunshine45 — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 19:19:30 GMT

it sounds like it is time for your mother in law to stop driving.

my mother will be 79 this year and so far she has been driving well. if i see consistent problems or hear about "near misses" then i will surely have a talk with her......and order her an uber or taxi if she needed one and i or one of my children were not available.

one of her best friends is 87 and still driving.....she actually picks her up often if they go out.

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

maestra — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 19:21:45 GMT

DM stopped when she had a fender bender at 93 yo and the state made her take a road test, which she failed. Better the state to demand this than myself...DM is a dragon and becoming moreso w/age and dementia.

I dont know what to advise, esp. since HIPAA laws make speaking w/her MD difficult unless you are on her approved HIPAA contact list.

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

Sweetbay magnolia — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 19:22:20 GMT

Dunno. An elderly relative of mine has neuropathy and can't feel their feet. Still drives. Why? Love of independence.

I don't live near, but another relative does, and takes no action. With all the home delivery services available, I wish that option would be exercised much more. However, old habits die hard.

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

ValuSkr — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 19:22:22 GMT

Maybe you can ask her to turn off the phone while she is driving. I don't, but I just ignore when it goes off in the car. Some people are unable, it seems, to ignore the phone.

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

MalteseMomma — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 19:31:52 GMT

81 here and was driving very well............

at least I was, untill everyone now has to go to the Motor Vehicle,(with 3 proofs of ID) office and wait for hours and hours on long lines just to renew my licence.......

( everyone used to renew by mail) but that has changed here.........

Needless to say....I gave it up voluntarly! Just too much trouble...

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

Chicagosuburbangirl — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 19:26:35 GMT

You really have a feeling when it is time.

I took the keys away from my Dad.

Be prepared for hell, They aren't happy to have independence taken away.

That is understandable.

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

Foxxee — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 19:39:46 GMT

Depends on the person. People age differently. Know someone at 97 doing very well, still driving.

One of the problems I see as people age, they drive less because they no longer work and don't go as many places. They become rusty as with anything else that had been done frequently. "Oh, I haven't done this for awhile. I'm a bit "rusty" now."

But, of course, there are some who need to stop driving. Removing their freedom can be devastating, so I'd evaluate each situation carefully before I did that.

Getting into an accident because of a cellphone isn't necessarily an elderly thing, though. Younger folks do it too.

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

MalteseMomma — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 19:42:02 GMT

@Foxxee

I love you

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

barb40 — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 19:44:11 GMT

Thanks for sharing MalteseMomma...that does sound like too much trouble, lol! I really appreciate your input!

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

Jordan2 — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 19:51:44 GMT

When you are a danger to yourself and others on the road, it's time to take the car keys away ( no matter someone's age).

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

Sooner — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 19:51:51 GMT

I think you shouldn't focus too much on age but rather than the individual. How are they functioning all together? Are they alert and are their reaction times within reason?

Where do they drive? Down to the corner CVS? All over town? On the interstate at 90 miles an hour while brushing cigarette ash off the seat (like my mom did)?

Is it critical that they do drive as long as possible?

I'd say you have to look at the individual and their situation and needs. No need to group everyone as an age, race, or gender. Just look at that person for who they are and what their abilities and needs are.

I have friends I've ridden comfortably with who were driving at 90 and ones who I wanted to cower in the floorboard or bail out of the car alltogether with who were in their 40's.

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

GCR18 — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 19:53:02 GMT

I think you know when the person should stop driving. Minor incidents are something I take seriously. My mother is 83 and drives. She's brought up the topic of no longer driving. She's already promised her car to her 16 year old granddaughter.

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

SilleeMee — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 19:54:09 GMT

The time to stop driving can't come soon enough for me. I absolutely hate driving. I hardly ever drive and sometimes I wonder why I even own a car. Most of the time I spend driving is when I go grocery shopping or when I need to see my doctor. The rest of the time I usually go with friends who drive wherever.

I should call a cab and save money on car maintenance, gas and insurance...seriously.

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

Nightowlz — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 19:56:27 GMT

When they start having issues. She should not be using her cell phone while driving. Tell her the call can wait until she gets where she is going.

My MIL is 89 & still driving. She has not had any problems yet.

My dad was still driving when he passed away last year at 87. He should not have been driving. He was diabetic & could not feel his feet. We told him he should not be driving.

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

mom2four0418 — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 20:05:00 GMT

Can you imagine the outrage if we were discussing a young adult driver endangering the lives of others on the road? Since she is no longer capable of driving safely, getting her off the road is an immediate necessity.

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

kittyloo — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 20:07:38 GMT

this came up recently for some friends of mine, and a parent. he too was having minor "incidents" and close calls, and quite frankly no one wanted to be in the car with him when driving. (frightening) They had a talk with his dr. and the dr. was the one who told him he should not be driving anymore. he didn't really like it, but since the dr. was the one who told him, and not his son, he listened.

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

grandma2pkmh — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 20:08:40 GMT

@barb40 That's a hard call to make, thank goodness my Dad made the decision himself when he was alive. As far as the cell phone goes, if she has an iphone there is a setting which prevents the phone from ringing when a person is driving. I use it and my grandchildren use it even though it is now illegal in my state to use a cell phone when driving.

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

Trix — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 20:28:57 GMT

It is illegal in many states to use a cell phone while driving. Apparently your mother-in- law does not live in one. In states where this law exists, if the police came on the scene where she ran into the curb, she could have received a moving violation ticket for that incident. You may also consider installing one of those hands-free devices to hold the phone on MIL's dashboard which is used with a bluetooth earpiece since she must be the type who can't let a beep on the cell phone go unanswered. That way when she's in the car it shouldn't be quite as dangerous as her trying to hold onto the phone and the steering wheel at the same time.

Re: When is it time to stop driving?

LTT1 — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 20:31:45 GMT

@barb40

There are some suggestions about the topic of driving on the alz.org site...the forum is called “Alzheimer’s connected.”

The problem as I see it is that the mind stops being able to process two things at once... focusing enough to read meaningfully is an indicator of this.

So in a touchy driving situation (and there can be many) the brain would “make a dive for” the thing that might usually be prioritized.