topic Re: 'Getting Older in America Today' in Community Chat

'Getting Older in America Today'

golding76 — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 05:56:24 GMT

[Just read this article. I'm in agreement with it. Maybe you will have a different response.]

Getting older, and looking it too: The struggle of aging gracefully in America today

By JUDY GRUEN

JAN 13, 2019 | 9:00 AM

Facing age. (Robert Daly / Getty Images)

WEST HOLLYWOOD — I’m at the gym, fruitlessly trying to keep up with an endless loop of ab crunches. I steal a look at the clock; has it only been 12 minutes since class began? Oral surgery goes faster than this.

Most of the other dozen or so women here are young enough to be my daughters, beautiful and toned enough to be on TV. But this is West Hollywood — they probably are on TV when they aren’t perfecting the Body Beautiful. The woman to my right looks like she might also be in her late 50s, but who can tell? In Los Angeles, it’s a misdemeanor to look older than 35.

It almost seems that there are more cosmetic dermatology centers here than there are Starbucks. We may be the nipping, tucking, liposuctioning, chemical-peeling and Botoxing capital of the world, but the imperative to defy looking one’s age is a national obsession. According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, Americans spent a staggering $16 billion on cosmetic plastic surgery and minimally invasive procedures in 2016. Looking around in this town, I sure believe it.

With so many people investing in physical sculpting, chiseling, and derma-filling, it can be disorienting to meet people whose age is a complete mystery. From a distance of 50 feet, a woman might look 30, but up close, that face is so taut it’s almost waxy. And the hands? Could be 60!

I’m vain, too, so it’s a good thing I can’t afford all this cosmetic rejuvenation. I am trying to accept my aging self with some grace.

My faith helps a lot. Following Jewish tradition, every morning when I wake up, the first words I speak are those of thanks to God for restoring my soul to me for another day. During morning prayers, I thank God for my ability to stand, to see, to think, and other essential functions I would otherwise take for granted. These prayers have added resonance now in late middle age, when diamonds may still be a girl’s best friend, but a handy tube of joint relief cream is a close second.

And yet, after declaring my thankfulness, I look in the mirror and wonder, when will the magic of my age-defying, super-revitalizing, advanced-repairing, cell-regenerating face cream made with revolutionary biotechnology kick in? Then I remind myself that every one of those models in the magazine ads have been airbrushed.

These mixed messages about aging can drive me crazy. On one hand, 50 is supposedly the new 30. People start second careers and second families in their 40s or later. Life expectancy in the U.S. is now close to 80, and the population of nonagenarians has tripled in the last three decades. But for all the cheerleading about how great the second half of life is, we dare not look like we are getting older.

Having lived my whole adult life within a faith community, I have observed that most of the women I know who look the youngest “after a certain age” are the women whose focus in life has been primarily spiritual. Their beauty is wholesome, reflecting an intangible but distinct spiritual centeredness. It reflects kindness, faith and confidence. It is lovely and often luminous.

I still splurge on the occasional pricey jar of “regenerating” anti-oxidant face creams, and welcome compliments that I look younger than my years. But I know that aging gracefully and beautifully doesn’t have to cost a sinewy arm and a muscular leg. The best beauty “secret” we have is what’s in our hearts, not what we’ve injected into our faces.

Gruen’s latest book is “The Skeptic and the Rabbi: Falling in Love with Faith.”

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

Desertdi — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 07:26:32 GMT

Competition in the workplace is great motivation for a "youthful" look...........

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

Bhvbum — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 08:29:43 GMT

The best thing you can do to keep your skin looking younger is to stay out of the sun and to eat healthy. That is the absolute cheapest thing you can do because it cost you zero to stay out of the sun. You have choices every day what to eat, choose healthy. Trust me it will pay off.

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

GiantsLover — Tue, 15 Jan 2019 11:36:29 GMT

My parents are old, my grandparents on both sides lived to be over 100 years old and they said the key to aging is to always remain useful.

My Grandfathers used to walk 5-7 miles a day 7 days per week and remained active and did things the old fashioned way.

Although all were very well off financially with plenty of property all paid for they still were frugal, and if they could walk rather than drive, they walked.

My Grandmothers did everything in and around the house. Always cooking, baking and everything was prepared from scratch with no processed foods ever. They both tended massive outdoor fruit trees, vegetable gardens, and very large flower gardens.

They tended their own olive trees,apple and pear trees, grew their own tomatoes on vines. stringbeans, potatoes, carrots, picked olives and had the olives processed into olive oil and exported it.

They sculpted, made handmade pottery, painted everything by hand, baked their own homemade breads, pastas, prepared their own freshly killed meats on outdoor spits. Food tasted richer and better those days. They churned their own butter even when they could buy it, they had their own hen houses and raised their own chickens, had plenty chickens and eggs. Fished by the sea abd caught fresh octopus and other fresh fish delights. Raised their own horses.

Eating there every summer and spending time with them was wonderful, and we kids all learned a lot from all of them.

"Love was abundant, and so was their combined wisdom".

As far as aging they all did that with wisdom and grace.

For facials they used pure olive oil and applied home made lard to their hands, elbows, feet, and wore gloves and socks to bed.

Yes they looked much younger than their years because they took great natural care.

They were not obsessed with having any beautification surgeries in order to look younger.

MY MOTHER WORKED HERE IN THE U.S. UNTIL AGE 82 AND APPEARED TO BE IN HER EARLY 60'S. SHE SHARED HER WISDOM WITH THE GALS IN THE OFFICE, AND THEY ADMIRED AND LOVED HER FOR HER ZEST FOR LIVING, HER FRIENDLY OPEN MANNER, AND HER FAIRNESS WHEN SHE BECAME AN OFFICE MANAGER.

WHEN SHE RETIRED THEY GAVE HER A RETIREMENT PARTY AT A VERY FANCY WELL KNOWN ESTABLISHMENT, AND IT WAS FABULOUS AND LOTS OF FUN. WE WERE SO PROUD OF ALL HER ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

YES SOMETHIMES SURGERIES ARE NEEDED FOR EMERGENCIES WHICH MAY OCCUR, BUT MY FAMILY NEVER BELIEVED IN HAVING SURGERIES TO REGAIN LOST YOUTH.

OUR BELIEFS WERE THAT IT IS A PRIVILEDGE TO GROW OLD, AND WITH AGE COMES WISDOM, BUT UNFORTUNATELY MANY DIE YOUNG AND ARE NEVER BLESSED TO JUST ENJOY LIFE AND THEIR OLD AGE.

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

BirkiLady — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 10:11:03 GMT

@Bhvbum And drink a lot of water daily!

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

panda1234 — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 10:15:45 GMT

@GiantsLover what an inspirational post. How lucky you were able to spend time with them and for them to have an influence on your life. My grandparents and parents were very similar to yours. Walked everywhere, everything was homemade and nothing was wasted......a different life.

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

Pook — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 11:46:01 GMT

At 66 I have found no struggle to age gracefully at all!! First off, I don't think of myself as getting older and just live each day being the person I have always been. Sure I have noticed wrinkles, stiffness, aches and pains but keep working out just as I have always done though at times need to adapt some things in my workout but workout the same amount of time daily and just as heavily - no matter what. Trying products to improve the look and feel of my skin as well as being fully made up daily is still fun now that I'm older. Many great products out there that have worked. To stop trying and give up is negatively life changing and I have seen it in many I know! With this attitude I am not overlooked or looked at differently as I age. Yes - attitude is everything.

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

cherry — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 12:06:00 GMT

For me unless I was disfigured in an accident, I would never consider surgery

That is not a diss ,against people who choose differently. I just want all of me to match. You can never look 30 again. I would rather embrace my age, than run from it

Beauty comes in all colors, ages, and sizes

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

PhilaLady1 — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 12:13:02 GMT

When I think of the women I have loved and admired most in my life, my grandmothers, aunts and mother, all now long gone, those are my role models and people I would be proud to look like. For every age that I am, I want to look like them. Natural and beautiful in my eyes. I am not without understanding of the pressure, need, and desire for some, maybe most, to look as young as their pocketbooks will allow. I am not in a profession or social circle that requires that I get thing done. It's not for me.

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

Imaoldhippie — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 12:47:57 GMT

This is a subject I find women especially have an obsession with. I think its a loosing battle. I think its ridiculous. Aging is something denied to many. IMO plastic surgery, nips, tucks, botox looks weird and ugly and everyone can tell its been done. You are still older and getting older and you will still pass away.

There is nothing wrong with keeping your skin looking nice and also your body as much as possible. But its in your DNA.

My wrinkles are assets which shows the terrible times I survived, and there were many.

I do have to have a blethroplasty but that is due to necessity and not for cosmetic reasons.

I like my white hair and get many, many compliments on it. My body, well I do wish I was still thin, but I am not obsessed with my weight gain. Most, not all is due to medications.

Im soon to be 74 and there is no procedures that will fix that. It is what it is.

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

SilleeMee — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 13:02:33 GMT

The best cosmetic procedures are the ones you don't notice. They are the ones that make a person look better and not different.

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

CalminHeart — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 13:29:21 GMT

@Desertdi wrote:
Competition in the workplace is great motivation for a "youthful" look...........

I think it's a very sad and telling motivator. Big business will very often choose a pretty woman over one who has brains and talent. Looks are skin deep and don't last. Brains, personality, compassion, and talent are so much better and they last. I find it very sexist.

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

sashamatthews — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 13:29:26 GMT

I am 63 and had my eyebrows microbladed for the first time last year. It was the best thing I have ever done! I recently had the first re-fresh and I still am in love with the results. As for the rest of it, I do my best and let it go. No 25-year-old man wants me now, but there is no 25-year-old that I want. And that's okay. LIfe is good.

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

SilleeMee — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 13:31:49 GMT

@CalminHeart wrote:
@Desertdi wrote:
Competition in the workplace is great motivation for a "youthful" look...........

I think it's a very sad and telling motivator. Big business will very often choose a pretty woman over one who has brains and talent. Looks are skin deep and don't last. Brains, personality, compassion, and talent are so much better and they last. I find it very sexist.

Megyn Kelly comes to mind. Look what happened to her.

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

queendiva — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 13:45:55 GMT

@golding76: Thanks for sharing. Well written. I agree completely.

The youngest looking person I knew is gone now, but he was 80-ish, did not have a line on his face and truly looked radiant. From what I was told his was not an easy life, but he was caring, helpful and full of life. A remarkable man.

I am fortunate to have loving, adult sons who think their mom looks just fine as is. I try to look and feel good and healthy every day, grateful to be on G-d's wake up list. I am too busy enjoying my life to obsess over whether someone does not approve of my age, weight or appearance. Their problem, not mine.

All that said, water, reasonable diet, walking, gym, hair color and sunscreen are my friends.

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

CAMOGIRL — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 13:46:05 GMT

It seems women today do obsess about their looks - never really happy with themselves.

Too many wrinkles, too many pounds, etc, etc, etc..,

We all age naturally, some just better than others.

Genetics play a part, one’s personal life plays a part, medical issues play a part.

I do not see why there is constant obsession about looks - everyone is so different there is not really any way to compare yourself to someone else.

I am in my fifties - I do not feel like I have to look like a young thing anymore. Don’t want to look like a fuddy duddy either though ... there is nothing fuddy duddy about me... (whatever that actual means 😂!)

I am not young, I am not skinny minny. And I most certainly have the wrinkles too.

Be happy with yourself ladies!!! Not saying let yourself go, but just be content with who you are. Everyone ages, not worth obsessing about it at all.

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

software — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 14:45:48 GMT

If my job required me to be in the public eye most of the time, I would try to always look my best. But I wouldn't start when I"m 50 or 60. It's a lifelong process.

I wouldn't be a Joan Rivers about it but I would take very good care of my appearance.

I would also make sure the inside matched the outside - positive outlook, no stress, good diet, reasonable exercise.

When I worked, I had an "invisible" job. I didn't go out of my way but I was always well groomed & dressed neatly. Many of the younger women look like they just hopped out of bed. Hair not styled, no makeup. I'm talking college graduates, not fast food workers. Appearances matter, wrinkles don't.

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

Spurt — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 17:24:38 GMT

All you have to do is google celebrities then and now and the results for the ones that had plastic surgery are obvious and not very flattering. Everyone by all means should take care of their skin, and make wise choices regarding their health....BUT it seems these "quick fixes" end up not working out for the best in the long scheme of things....the results can be temporary and people return for more and more....and people end up looking awful and plastic and unnatural.....

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

chrystaltree — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 17:37:34 GMT

For me, it's not a matter of wanting to look younger. As I age (I am 58), I want to look better, healthier, fresher. That's why I will fight deep wrinkles, sagging, sallowness, grooves with everything that is available to me. Honestly, that's how most of the women I know feel. We have kids in their 30's and 40's and we are grandmothers. Everyone knows how old we are. Age is not the issue, it's what often comes with age that we don't like. Women who are still working and want to remain relevant do not have the luxury of "aging gracefully". When your boss and his boss are younger than your children, you can't let yourself become the "old lady in the corner office". We all age differently so we can't generalize. Everyone's situation in life is different. We get to choose how we wish to present ourselves to the world, which is why I try not to be judgemental. I think spirituality benefits some in many was but it doesn't help anyone look younger...poppycock....to that foolishness...LOL

Re: 'Getting Older in America Today'

Sooner — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 17:43:52 GMT

I think it is more important to be a better person than to look like a better person.