topic Re: Am I being too sensitive? in Community Chat

Am I being too sensitive?

ellaphant — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 00:24:19 GMT

My father died in 2005. My mother passed many years before that. My sister has not been in touch with our family for many, many years. Since I have no other family, I no longer really enjoy the holidays. I have told my oldest friend this on several ocassions. She has a large extended family and the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas she tells me all about the great food she had, who was there, and after Christmas she goes through all the presents she received. I find this very insensitive - and rude. I can tell you if the situation was reversed I would not do this. However, I am wondering am I over reacting??

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

SharkE — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 00:27:20 GMT

she tell you about the back biting, in fighting, snarks at the table.

In-laws you can't stand. Always a flip side.

Your luckier then you think.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

kaydee50 — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 00:28:17 GMT

Maybe by telling you about her holidays, it's her way of including you in the festivities since she knows you're alone. Have you told her it makes you uncomfortable?

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

pattypeep — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 00:28:22 GMT

@ellaphant Do you live nearby? If so, she should be inviting you to her family affairs, IMO. No, I do not think you are being too sensitive. It would bother me as well.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

bonnielu — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 00:29:40 GMT

I really feel she is being insensitive however IT IS ON HER, NOT YOU. Best bet go out and find someone to help, to give comfort to. Reach out.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

jackthebear — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 00:30:59 GMT

@ellaphant wrote:
My father died in 2005. My mother passed many years before that. My sister has not been in touch with our family for many, many years. Since I have no other family, I no longer really enjoy the holidays. I have told my oldest friend this on several ocassions. She has a large extended family and the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas she tells me all about the great food she had, who was there, and after Christmas she goes through all the presents she received. I find this very insensitive - and rude. I can tell you if the situation was reversed I would not do this. However, I am wondering am I over reacting??

your friend should dial it back a bit, and perhaps a bit of Christmas spirit and invite you, and perhaps you should not let it bother you that much

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

dex — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 00:34:58 GMT

@ellaphant@If you find this hurtful or upsetting then you should tell her.Maybe even ask her to include you in dinner or some part of the festivities if you are feeling lonely.She isn’t thinking clearly about your feelings but if you let her know and she doesn’t try to be more inclusive then she isn’t the friend that you were hoping for.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Brunette — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 00:35:02 GMT

Do you live nearby? If so, she should be inviting you to her family affairs, IMO. No, I do not think you are being too sensitive. It would bother me as well.

I was thinking the same

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

qvcaddition — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 00:50:54 GMT

@ellaphant

@ellaphant wrote:
My father died in 2005. My mother passed many years before that. My sister has not been in touch with our family for many, many years. Since I have no other family, I no longer really enjoy the holidays. I have told my oldest friend this on several ocassions. She has a large extended family and the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas she tells me all about the great food she had, who was there, and after Christmas she goes through all the presents she received. I find this very insensitive - and rude. I can tell you if the situation was reversed I would not do this. However, I am wondering am I over reacting??

I have exactly the

same friend. Other friends say she is not yourfriend. In 59 years, I have eaten at her house once. She has been to my house for lunch and dinner many times. Her husband died one week before Christmas and I was there with food the whole week and a shoulder to cry on but that's me. Cannot throw away 5 9 years. Have not been there for two days, but she has family. I do not think you are over reacting. Some people are like that. It does make you wonder. Except for her family, I am her only friend.

I asked for it. When she got breast cancer, I cooked her favorite meal,eggplant paramagion(sp)? If was a lot of work, but a lot of love went into it. I cooked it the Italian way. We are both Italian. She has the nerve to tell me she liked The Olive Garden one better. I even brought the veggies from WHOLE FOODS. Should have learned my lesson then. Some people don,t know what a good friend is about.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Hoovermom — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 00:41:54 GMT

If she has done this for years, I would avoid any contact with her after the holidays going forward. BUT the best thing I think I would have to do is to tell her how painful it is for you to hear all about her "wonderful" holiday parties.

As others have said, why doesn't she include you in these get-togethers if she is your BFF?

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Sweetbay magnolia — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 00:44:22 GMT

Oh, I don't know. You have every reason to be sensitive, and upset, but I would imagine your friend just can't relate to your situation. I wouldn't consider it anymore than that. She's just sharing her life with you.

I understand, it hurts. I don't mean to come across as insensitive.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

aroc3435 — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 00:45:35 GMT

@ellaphant Just my take. Is your friend hosting the holiday gatherings at her home? If so it would be nice if she invited you.

If not, she perhaps can't extend an invitation to some other relative's house. (Family dynamics can be so strange.)

It wouldn't bother me too much that she nadders on. If it was me I would just acknowledge her stories briefly and move her along to another topic that wouldn't circle back to the topic that makes me uncomfortable.

I would care about the long term friendship more than the holiday business.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

BirkiLady — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 00:49:25 GMT

@ellaphant Yes, I think you are overly sensitive. Why can't you be happy for your dear friend and her large family? Enjoy her excitement! Share in her pleasure, which she is sharing with you.

And, no, don't ask to be included in their family get-togethers. That would be rude and imposing upon an intimate family gathering with long-standing traditions which you would not understand. You wouldn't "get" the jokes and probably feel more uncomfortable while listening to their family memories and watching them unwrap gifts.

Many of us have spend holidays alone or with friends. We have made our lives complete without our husbands, parents or families due to their other commitments. Life goes on.

You cannot expect one friend to be your only social companionship. Get out there and make new friends. You are long overdue.

Perhaps a few counseling sessions might help you find a positive outlook with being alone.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

CrazyDaisy — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 00:49:41 GMT

Honestly, yes I think you are being sensitive. You said you do not enjoy the holidays, ok. She has respected that, perhaps that is why she did not think to include you. I do not enjoy many activities and events that my friends attend, yet I listen to them talk about them. Just as I am sure she listens to me telling her about things she is not interested. If it bothers you to listen to her discussing her holidays, say something. She is just talking about things going in in her life.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Scooby Doo — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 18:45:07 GMT

Your friend can't acknowledge what she doesn't know. If you've known her that long there should be open communication between you two. Tell her. You have to teach people how to treat you. Just do it nicely and without drama.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

pigletsmom — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 00:58:07 GMT

Are you upset that she doesn't invite you or upset that she talks about her holiday? If it's the latter I don't think you should be upset. If you've decided you don't want to celebrate that's fine but other people will celebrate and I would be happy for them.

If you want to be invited maybe you should talk to her about that. You say she's your closest friend so start new traditions with her and her family. Sadly the cycle of life can work out this way but I can't imagine your family would want you hating holidays because they've passed on. They'd want you to enjoy your life I would think.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

elated — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 00:58:11 GMT

Is this person a real friend? Sometimes we confuse acquaintances with friendship. If you were my friend, I would invite you to spend the holidays with my family. It is hard to be alone on the holidays. Maybe you should start looking for another friend, the one you have has checked out.

Wishing you well in the New Year.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

cherry — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 01:07:09 GMT

I think you might be a bit lonely, and when you hear things like this, it just brings it home. Sometimes ,people brag because , they think it makes them look better, and sometimes, they are really insecure ,and trying to convince everyone, how perfect their life is

The grass isn't always greener

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Mom2Dogs — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 01:07:56 GMT

@ellaphant if she knows you are alone, it would have been nice to invite you for dinner, or something during the holidays.....that's what good friends do. I have very little family, my very good friend always includes me and DH on their family gatherings...we have been friends since 3rd grade, I diapered, fed and babysat her children, we are all pretty close.

I think she should have just made a passing comment about the holidays and left it at that.

Re: Am I being too sensitive?

SeaMaiden — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 01:08:24 GMT

@ellaphant I think your “friend” is just clueless. Are you sure she really has your back? She sounds insensitive.