topic Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable? in Community Chat

Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

SuhseK — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 02:06:02 GMT

This was a question posed to us, in a non-credit, Modern Relationships class, that I just finished.

Talk about out sparking some heated discussion and debate!

In our group, I’d say women, people over 50’ish, and people married the longest, seemed most inclined to say, that, infidelity, would end their relationship, trust, Would be destroyed!

It surprised me a bit, about the long marrieds, I, thought the length of their investment, might make them more willing to work it out.

For me, I feel it’s one of those situations that would, be dealt with if it happened. Cheating doesn’t happen in a vacuum and there can be a lot of variables.

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

Mary Bailey — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 02:11:36 GMT

for many years I told DH if he had an affair I'm ok with it

married 33 years, together 38 years Just don't divorce

life is too short be happy

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

deepwaterdotter — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 02:08:56 GMT

It would have to happen before I could know if it would be forgiven.

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

Katcat1 — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 02:47:50 GMT

@SuhseK When trust is broken that basically ends the relationship. Yes, when you can't trust your mate, there is no marriage. Arguments or not getting along does not mean a person can stray. You need to sit down and talk and try to figure out what is wrong. If you can't fix it, then move on.

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

bonnielu — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 02:12:53 GMT

I know it happens and it is sad but I have never associated it with me. Married my best friend forever BBF. We have been married 52 years. We were meant for each other although we are exact opposites. We met and were married within 6 months. He proposed second date I might add. We are blessed and truly lucky. But we do work at it and put each other first.

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

YorkieonmyPillow — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 02:18:49 GMT

@Mary Bailey wrote:
for many years I told DH if he had an affair I'm ok with it

married 33 years, together 38 years Just don't divorce

life is too short be happy

Why?

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

tsavorite — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 02:20:15 GMT

I don't believe anyone for sure could answer that question unless they go thur it themselves. There are so many variables that could be going on as to whether or not a marriage could survive that betrayal. One big one is the person having the affair would have to END it and have zero contact with this other person for life. They would have to be truly repentant and do a 180....and of course marriage counseling to fix any and all issues that led to infidelity in the 1st place.

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

Snowpuppy — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 02:21:12 GMT

Unforgiveness doesn't always = divorce.

I've known couples who have stayed married and fought it out to the bitter end when one finally dies.

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

jannabelle1 — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 02:28:17 GMT

Since I've been through this, I can tell you unequivocably that cheating does occur in a "vacuum". And, if the cheating spouse" just needs to move out for awhile to find himself", you can bet that he's moving in with her. And you'd want to work this out? I was devastated. And no, there is nothing to work out at that point.

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

viva923 — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 02:24:15 GMT

been together over 50 yrs now, married 48 yrs.

it would hurt me tremendously if my husband had an affair. I am not sure what I would do if he told me he was or had an affair. I guess I would have to cross that bridge if it ever happen.

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

manhattan1950 — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 02:25:35 GMT

@SuhseK wrote:
This was a question posed to us, in a non-credit, Modern Relationships class, that I just finished.

Talk about out sparking some heated discussion and debate!

In our group, I’d say women, people over 50’ish, and people married the longest, seemed most inclined to say, that, infidelity, would end their relationship, trust, Would be destroyed!
It surprised me a bit, about the long marrieds, I, thought the length of their investment, might make them more willing to work it out.

For me, I feel it’s one of those situations that would, be dealt with if it happened. Cheating doesn’t happen in a vacuum and there can be a lot of variables.

What's the defintion of a MODERN relationship? Doubt you can define it.

The LENGTH of the relationship has NOTHING to do with infidelity.

The second bolded statement is a COP OUT.

Once a CHEATER, always a CHEATER.

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

feline groovy — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 02:43:54 GMT

I'd forgive but never forget, so I wouldn't be able to again trust that person 100% - the relationship would be completely over. I've been cheated on and the emotional intimacy was the worst part of the betrayal.

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

Bird mama — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 02:34:19 GMT

I am not forgiving about infidelity. Relationship over. Final answer.

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

ROMARY — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 02:35:41 GMT

As (whatever) as this may sound:

It would depend on finances.

I would tend to end the relationship if there were significant financial benefits (for me and our children).

Some spouses simply cannot 'end' a marriage because of hardship. I'm only guessing that marital counseling would benefit those couples.

So, if I were, say, fairly 'wealthy', I'd make a 'B-line' for the exit. My spouse would have to make several Huge attempts to 'straighten out', so to speak.

There, I said it!

Interesting thread, btw.

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

GenXmuse — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 02:39:49 GMT

I just know my soul would be crushed if my husband cheated on me. I’m not entirely sure what I would do.

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

GCR18 — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 02:41:29 GMT

I doubt I'd be able to forgive and continue on.

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

Carmie — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 02:45:05 GMT

Good question. I have been asked this before.

For me, it depends on the circumstances. If it was just physical and one time . It would be possible to forgive unless it became a habit.

If it was emotional and Intimate and went on for a time, I would feel differently. There are many variables. We are not perfect and we are human.

I would feel betrayed more by the emotional affair.

I met my DH when I was 15 and got married when I was 19. He is 15 months older. We have been married 45 years, so we have been married for a long time.

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

Mz iMac — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 03:11:59 GMT

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

blackhole99 — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 03:21:57 GMT

I watched my mother throw her life away on a cheating husband, they never stop, you give them permission to stray again every time you take them back. I have been married 44 years and told my husband when we were engaged that I would not tolerate cheating. I would leave him today if I found out he was cheating on me.

Re: Would Infidelity In Your Relationship, Be Forgiveable?

Its Me LuLuBelle2 — Thu, 06 Dec 2018 03:35:35 GMT

I adore my husband. We laugh together, we have fun together, we share a whole lot of years, memories and 4 grandkids together. If I found out he stepped out on me, I'd be gutted. We'd be done. As much as it would hurt me to end it, I would as I could never "forgive and forget."