topic Should I send a sympathy card? in Community Chat

Should I send a sympathy card?

beach-mom — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 05:12:47 GMT

I'd like your advice on this.

A good friend of mine just passed away. We worked together on projects, and that is how we met. So I didn't see her every day. I always enjoyed being around her and her husband, and I valued her advice. DH knew them well too.

We never socialized together outside of that, but I can honestly say I loved her.

The last week she was alive her husband and I e-mailed back and forth because I had to fill in for her for some things. I "talked" to him a few days before she died, and I had been to see her in the hospital shortly before that. I never thought she wouldn't get better. Someone else she worked with e-mailed me right after she died.

I immediately e-mailed her husband and poured my heart out about how much she meant to me. He responded right away with some kind words of his own. Both DH and I are going to visitation and her memorial service.

Because of the e-mail I wrote - where I pretty much said everything - do you think I should also send a card to her husband? TIA for your help!

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

pugvette74 — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 05:18:52 GMT

A card would be beautiful~

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

NYC Susan — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 05:31:05 GMT

@beach-mom wrote:
I'd like your advice on this.

A good friend of mine just passed away. We worked together on projects, and that is how we met. So I didn't see her every day. I always enjoyed being around her and her husband, and I valued her advice. DH knew them well too.

We never socialized together outside of that, but I can honestly say I loved her.

The last week she was alive her husband and I e-mailed back and forth because I had to fill in for her for some things. I "talked" to him a few days before she died, and I had been to see her in the hospital shortly before that. I never thought she wouldn't get better. Someone else she worked with e-mailed me right after she died.

I immediately e-mailed her husband and poured my heart out about how much she meant to me. He responded right away with some kind words of his own. Both DH and I are going to visitation and her memorial service.

Because of the e-mail I wrote - where I pretty much said everything - do you think I should also send a card to her husband? TIA for your help!

I don't think a card is necessary since - as you said - you already pretty much said what you wanted to say in writing. In this situation, I think I might make a donation in her name to a charity that was meaningful to her. Her husband will receive a card informing him of the donation, and I think that would be another nice expression of sympathy from you.

I am sorry for your loss. It's hard to lose a friend.

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

Janicecp — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 05:25:43 GMT

I say yes. He's probably super overwhelmed now, and after a death, memories can be blurry. A card is tangible. You don't have to repeat everything; hit the highlights/ summarize.

Condolences,

Janice

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

Mersha — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 05:31:13 GMT

It would be nice to send a card in a few weeks when things are a bit settled. That can be a very lonely time for someone that has lost a loved one.

I would just write "just wanted you to know we are thinking of you."

That would be most appreciated.

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

Booksamillion — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 05:32:57 GMT

I would send a card too. Little things can mean so much.

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

speedy girl — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 05:49:50 GMT

I would for sure send a card. You had deep feelings for her and I'm sure hearing from you would mean a lot to him. Plus if there is family, he will likely share the cards with them and I'm sure they would appreciate your kind words about their loved one.

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

Kitlynn — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 05:57:01 GMT

I think sending a card is a very nice thing to do. It is so much better than an email. When things are over and done with it is nice to be able to look at something physically that someone took the time to send. When you get so many messages and phone calls it all sort of blurs together but the cards remind you of who said what. They can also be shared with other family members.

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

Catty2 — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 07:21:35 GMT

I think a card would mean a lot to her DH. Sorry for your loss.

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

libbyannE — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 07:41:43 GMT

Yes, definitely send a card with a brief note.

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

phoenixbrd — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 08:57:22 GMT

There can never be enough compassion. I'm sure he will consider it a thoughtful gesture. So sorry for the loss of your friend.

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

Diva on The Q — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 08:58:37 GMT

Yes, I think a card would be a very thoughtful gesture.

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

Lilysmom — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 09:23:57 GMT

@beach-mom, I would send a card. LM

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

qualitygal — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 09:31:22 GMT

you're doing just fine. i'm sure he'll remember all your kind words.

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

Nonametoday — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 09:38:20 GMT

If you have emailed with him and you are going to attend the visitation, I think that is adequate. Continued outpouring of sympathy might appear ro be "groupie" like or peeling back a scab that is healing.

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

JeanLouiseFinch — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 09:52:26 GMT

I would send a card and even reiterate some of your key comments from the email in it. You can start by saying something like, "As you already know...". IMO, it will make it easier for the husband to keep a collection of cards rather than having to save an email or go to the work to print it off and keep it with the cards. There may be times in the coming days, months, and years that he'll find some comfort in reading those cards and your sweet words will be a touching reminder to him of how others loved his dear wife.

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

goldensrbest — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 09:59:11 GMT

Yes, you should send a card.

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

violann — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 10:02:22 GMT

I’ve recently been sending actual “thinking of you” cards at times after a loss. There are beautiful cards in the stores, and sometimes very helpful encouragement for the grieving.

Gentle thoughts to you as well, as you experience her loss.

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

cherry — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 10:16:22 GMT

I would send one, but wait a bit. It might mean more, after some time has passed ,and he is feeling lonely, and reality has sunk in

It could bring him a great deal of comfort ,just knowing you are concerned about him

Re: Should I send a sympathy card?

CalminHeart — Wed, 07 Nov 2018 10:18:17 GMT

YES. Send a card.