topic Re: I need to vent! in Community Chat

I need to vent!

JavaQueen — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 17:19:29 GMT

So feel free to pass by.

This is bugging me and I've already sent the party involved an email. This is an older person sort of lacking in peoplle skills and I've known them a very long time. I tolerate a lot of things, but sometimes enough is enough. It's such a trifling thing, but I still felt hurt.

A few weeks ago, she had mentioned a special exhibit that I had been wanting to see; it's not cheap, but she dangled that in front of me, as payment for installing her computer printer so that it works with her ancient computer. I would be willing to set it for free. It was a nice gesture, but I can manage the price of the ticket. We were supposed to go--it wasn't exclusiive. She was free to invite whomever. She hangs out with two other retired women who spend their entire days doing things like this. Once they mentioned they wanted to go, it all changed. She went and purchased their tickets and didn't evn ask me if I coud go that date. Rememember, she had invited me first. So she get the tickets and tells me their going and she had to puchase them in person, because she didn't want to pay the surchage. She's telling me this--the person she had invited in the first place. Then later she emailed me and said I could get my ticket online if I were free that day.

It was not about money; I felt like I had been disinvited, because she knew my schedule and could have asked. If she had said nothing and made arrangements, I would have been none the wiser and wouldn't have cared. I just felt like I didn't matter as a human being.

It's not always about the grand gestures, but it's the little things that are most telling.

This has bothered me and I had to put it down. Thanks for reading.

Re: I need to vent!

riley1 — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 17:23:12 GMT

@JavaQueen- I get it and I've been there. Hope you feel better now that you have put it in words and "vented". This too shall pass - just remember it if there is a "next" time, lol.

Re: I need to vent!

Shogirl — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 17:31:56 GMT

I would feel the same way as you, @JavaQueen. I think I might hesitate to do anything for this person anymore. It's hard to continue on with relationships that appear one sided, and all it gets you is grief.

I, like the other poster, hope you feel better by venting.

Re: I need to vent!

tobes — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 17:33:30 GMT

Write her off --- if you cannot do this just don't allow yourself to accept anything vree from her. Whatever she offers it seems to come with strings attached

Re: I need to vent!

jubilant — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 17:35:24 GMT

You said it yourself...."it's the little things that are most telling". I would agree with that. It also sounds like, over the years, there have been lot's of "little things" going on. Only you know what your friendship means and what it is based on. If it were me, I would cool the friendship for awhile and see what happens and go from there. It will be interesting to see how she responds to you. That might tell you all you need to know. I can understand your frustration.

Re: I need to vent!

QVCkitty1 — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 17:35:41 GMT

@JavaQueen wrote:
So feel free to pass by.

This is bugging me and I've already sent the party involved an email. This is an older person sort of lacking in peoplle skills and I've known them a very long time. I tolerate a lot of things, but sometimes enough is enough. It's such a trifling thing, but I still felt hurt.

A few weeks ago, she had mentioned a special exhibit that I had been wanting to see; it's not cheap, but she dangled that in front of me, as payment for installing her computer printer so that it works with her ancient computer. I would be willing to set it for free. It was a nice gesture, but I can manage the price of the ticket. We were supposed to go--it wasn't exclusiive. She was free to invite whomever. She hangs out with two other retired women who spend their entire days doing things like this. Once they mentioned they wanted to go, it all changed. She went and purchased their tickets and didn't evn ask me if I coud go that date. Rememember, she had invited me first. So she get the tickets and tells me their going and she had to puchase them in person, because she didn't want to pay the surchage. She's telling me this--the person she had invited in the first place. Then later she emailed me and said I could get my ticket online if I were free that day.

It was not about money; I felt like I had been disinvited, because she knew my schedule and could have asked. If she had said nothing and made arrangements, I would have been none the wiser and wouldn't have cared. I just felt like I didn't matter as a human being.

It's not always about the grand gestures, but it's the little things that are most telling.

This has bothered me and I had to put it down. Thanks for reading.

Vent away my friend, it is a safe place to get things off your chest, ( well mostly safe ) Some people are clueless and it can be frustrating.

Re: I need to vent!

occasionalrain — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 17:36:21 GMT

Is it possible she forgot about inviting you? If not then I don't find anything minor about it. It was unforgivable and, if someone did that to me, I would have nothing more to do with them. Their calls would go to vm and not be returned.

Re: I need to vent!

Sooner — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 17:37:19 GMT

Don't make people a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs.

Re: I need to vent!

GSPgirl — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 17:40:01 GMT

@tobes wrote:
Write her off --- if you cannot do this just don't allow yourself to accept anything vree from her. Whatever she offers it seems to come with strings attached

I completely agree. Something like that recently happened to me and I was hurt. I called my mom and just talking to her made me see the light. This “friend” is a user and I have no need for her in my life. End of story.

Re: I need to vent!

Imaoldhippie — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 17:42:49 GMT

That person is very rude. I would have limited time with her and as far as helping her, not anymore.

Re: I need to vent!

Love my grandkids — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 17:47:23 GMT

@JavaQueen This person is NO friend. Personally, I'd drop her like a bad habit. She adds nothing to your life and is a big drag, among other things.

Re: I need to vent!

queendiva — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 17:49:50 GMT

@JavaQueen: Really sorry for you. That stinks!

This woman showed you who she is. Believe her. If it were me, I would have nothing more to do with her.

You only get to break my trust once.

Re: I need to vent!

grandma r — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 17:53:53 GMT

I completely agree with you. Hopefully you feel better after venting. It's not about the money or even the exhibit, it's about the way you were treated.

In the end, she is the loser. Why, because you will probably think twice before spending any time with her. I would smile if I see her and keep going. None of us need takers/users; we all have feelings.

Hope you feel better!

Re: I need to vent!

catwhisperer — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 19:45:28 GMT

Reading this thread and other threads, it seems to be a common occurence with friends/family/acquaintances wanting to get together, then are late, can't make it at the last minute, change their minds, etc. This is exactly why I don't make plans or go anywhere with anyone but myself. I can depend on myself, where I can't always depend on others. It has happened over and over to me. I'm done with it. If someone wants to get together, I just say I can't and leave it at that.

Re: I need to vent!

chickenbutt — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 17:57:26 GMT

Telling, indeed, but not 'little'. Geez, that was pretty much beyond the pale. Near as I can tell, anymore, manners and common courtesy are obsolete concepts.

Re: I need to vent!

Kitlynn — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 18:00:40 GMT

That is really very rude and not nice at all. Now there is the possibility that she got the tickets for them and they are paying her. However if she did that she could have ask you if you wanted her to pick one up for you also. The next time she ask you to fix something I believe I would be busy and just not have the time.

Re: I need to vent!

chickenbutt — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 18:03:23 GMT

@Kitlynn wrote:
That is really very rude and not nice at all. Now there is the possibility that she got the tickets for them and they are paying her. However if she did that she could have ask you if you wanted her to pick one up for you also. The next time she ask you to fix something I believe I would be busy and just not have the time.

But the problem was that she was buying the OP a ticket already, then she took some bizarre turn, only purchasing tickets for the other friends, and left OP out. Really strange! I would be offended at the strange turn this took.

Don't commit to doing something and then not do it. That makes a person seem not a friend at all, IMO.

Re: I need to vent!

Laura14 — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 19:46:03 GMT

I am so sorry for you @JavaQueen.

If it makes you feel better, I had a similar experience with an actual family member who invited me as return payment for putting out money and then never spoke to me about it again.

I let her hang herself on Facebook when the day of the event she "checked in" as she and her best friend were in their seats awaiting the show.

I guess my silence got to her and I got an "OMG I must have missed your email when you accepted my invitation" the very next day.

Funny how that happens when you reply back two seconds after the email invite pops up. And she just happened to remember it and me the day after. She and I have been done ever since.

In your situation, I woudn't go scorched earth but just consider now you know what kind of a "friend" she plans to be to you in the future.

Re: I need to vent!

candyagain — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 18:14:29 GMT

She is really passive agressive! Difficult to deal with that behavior. It is, intentionally or subconsciously, designed to put you down. If you speak up or try to tell her how you feel you will end up feeling even worse. She'll act like you are wrong to feel that way. I say cut your losses. Ignore the slight so the game will end. Be civil to her but let her go.

Re: I need to vent!

Skididdy — Mon, 22 Oct 2018 18:15:39 GMT

@JavaQueen, you have every right to feel as you do.

Its that time to let that so called friend, go, and dont look back.

Life is so difficult enough, those that are to add joy but only add angst , dump them . You do not need it.

Put it in a good place and forget it. She sure doesnt deserve your friendship, your time, your heart, nothing.

Lots of hugs....we all hope you feel better !!!!!!