topic Re: Planning Wedding in Community Chat

Planning Wedding

Twins Mom — Tue, 09 Oct 2018 12:55:52 GMT

Any advice as to where to begin and proceed? Helping out of town daughter and would appreciate advice, name of good books, etc.

Re: Planning Wedding

gizmogal — Tue, 09 Oct 2018 13:12:27 GMT

The absolute first thing to do is put together a budget and vow to stick to it.

Re: Planning Wedding

Eileen in Virginia — Tue, 09 Oct 2018 13:30:27 GMT

ITA with @gizmogal about the budget. I’d add that you make sure it’s realistic for the wedding locale (ie, NYC vs Smalltown, USA) and that it’s realistic for your or the couple’s finances. It’s very hard to keep wedding decisions objective, but things can snowball out of control pretty quickly. It’s becoming more common for the groom’s family to cover the costs for requests that exceed your guest list or budget. Finally, many wedding/reception venues have strict rules for the number of guests, hours for the event, etc. The financial penalty for exceeding these rules can be pretty steep, so be sure you read the fine print before signing on the dotted line. Good luck!

Re: Planning Wedding

missy1 — Tue, 09 Oct 2018 13:33:44 GMT

Know what you can spend, and stick to it. Don't go into debt, or just head on down to the justice of the peace.

Re: Planning Wedding

queendiva — Tue, 09 Oct 2018 13:42:31 GMT

@TwinsMom: Congrats- Exciting!

Budget first, last and always. Prioritize saves and splurges.

DS was married last summer. They kept to a strict budget. Friday evening was much less money for their desired venue, so that determined wedding date. Splurged on a high quality, live band. Brides parents splurged on flowers (wow!), Bride saved on a gorgeous second hand gown.

Bride, groom and parents must prioritize what they want and how much they are willing to spend to get it. Start on the guest list now. The more time to plan, the better.

Re: Planning Wedding

CelticCrafter — Tue, 09 Oct 2018 13:45:57 GMT

We will be in the same situation soon. Poor guy is getting up the nerve to ask us, I can tell he's so close to asking and then kind of shies away. I mean it's not like we're ogres or anything!

We have decided that we will give them a check to do with what they wish, pay for the dress and that's it. We aren't paying for the entire shindig - the guest list is too lopsided and I'm not inviting people just for the sake of evening things up.

Re: Planning Wedding

brandiwine — Tue, 09 Oct 2018 14:05:43 GMT

Keep to a budget for sure. Remind the bride that this is a day to celebrate a life commitment, not show off. Keep expectations reasonable. Invite only those people you really want there. You are not obligated to invite everyone your've ever had contact with. This includes family. STAY CALM!

Re: Planning Wedding

Sooner — Tue, 09 Oct 2018 14:10:01 GMT

Try to keep it low key and classy. Just because you can go wild doesn’t mean you should

Re: Planning Wedding

lovesrecess — Tue, 09 Oct 2018 14:44:53 GMT

I have planned weddings for three daughters....the first thing I did was buy a copy of Modern Bride or Bride magazine.... your daughter should buy the same issue and you can use it for ideas that you can talk about while you look at the same thing....some are also available online as well. It has many checklists in it and you can use any of them that you find helpful. The date and venue need to be decided first....and the date can be the most difficult due to work schedules and availability of venue. Stay connected with your daughter and let her assign you tasks rather than taking over and doing everything without her input. It is such a happy time....enjoy and don't stress.

Hard to give much specific advice without knowing if your daughter is a working professional or a young college student. Is she contributing toward the cost of the wedding or are you doing it all? That will decide the budget...stay within your budget but leave a little extra for emergencies and unforeseen costs.

Re: Planning Wedding

chrystaltree — Tue, 09 Oct 2018 16:17:06 GMT

You begin with the budget. You absolutely begin with how much money you have to work with. No a dream figure, not a maybe figure but solid we have $xxx dollars to spend on this wedding.

Please define "helping out" because you have to KNOW precisly what your daughter wants you to do. It's her wedding even if you are paying for it. After you know the $$$ situation, then you have to sit down with her (and notebook) and work out what type of wedding she wants. Because obviously, you can only move forward if you know what she wants in a wedding and how she wants you to help. You have to keep a notebook because it's busy time, an emotional time and having things in writing will keep you both on the same page.

There are millions of wedding planning books out. Too numberous to count. They cover small weddings, huge weddings and everything in between. There are also wedding etiquette books. You can find them on Amazon or any bookstore.

Re: Planning Wedding

JeanLouiseFinch — Tue, 09 Oct 2018 16:27:03 GMT

You've gotten some good advice here. One thing I would add, as the mom of a recent groom, is that you please keep the groom's parents, especially his mom, in the loop and maybe even ask her for some imput, recommendations, advice, etc. Without going into much detail, I will tell you that our for son's wedding I/we felt very excluded from most of the planning.

Re: Planning Wedding

CANDLEQUEEN — Tue, 09 Oct 2018 18:59:49 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch wrote:
You've gotten some good advice here. One thing I would add, as the mom of a recent groom, is that you please keep the groom's parents, especially his mom, in the loop and maybe even ask her for some imput, recommendations, advice, etc. Without going into much detail, I will tell you that our for son's wedding I/we felt very excluded from most of the planning.

JLF...I agree with you on that....When our daughter got married, I kept in close contact with the Groom's mom, we got together quite often for lunch, and just to talk as we were getting to know each other better as well.

Now my sister's son is getting married next month, and the Bride's mom has kept in close contact with her, and she said it has made everything so much easier, and she felt like she has had a little more input into everything as well....

@Twins Mom @JeanLouiseFinch. By the way my nephew who is getting married next month is an identical twin!!!!! Of course his Best Man is his twin brother! lol...

Re: Planning Wedding

Cumbercookie13 — Tue, 09 Oct 2018 19:11:26 GMT

If any friends or family have talents with baking, flower arranging, making favors - that's another way to cut down on costs. Definitely sticking to a budget and trying not to overspend is important.

Re: Planning Wedding

jackthebear — Tue, 09 Oct 2018 19:20:08 GMT

going thru this now, although my daughter has done most of it. she said to me

the wedding industry exists to sell you stuff most of which you don't need.

she also said there are no options between pizza in the backyard and 20k$

also don't rule out the 2nd hand wedding dress sites, can save a ton of money

once you pick the venue, then you can decide everything

also there are tons of website to use Zola, weddingwire etc

Re: Planning Wedding

Financialgrl — Tue, 09 Oct 2018 20:09:01 GMT

@Cumbercookie13 wrote:
If any friends or family have talents with baking, flower arranging, making favors - that's another way to cut down on costs. Definitely sticking to a budget and trying not to overspend is important.

@Twins Mom- My niece just got married. The couple were given a specific dollar amount by parents and told anything over that, was on their dime. Niece and two of her very good friends all were getting married this year and got info to websites where couples were selling off some of the stuff from their wedding (niece bought a bunch of table centerpieces which were very cute (small lanterns with battery tea lights inside), etc) and a combination of fake greenery along with real flowers.

Another website listed many cost cutting ideas other brides were sharing. She got married outside on the lawn of a club and when you arrived and walked up to where the sidewalk began you followed it to chairs where guests would be seated. She had a sign made and placed right where you would go down the aisle to be seated. Sign said - "Welcome to our Beginning", the date and under that was "The (their last name)". On wedding sites, those signs cost $85 to customize. Site said or just go to Home Depot/Lowe's, get a piece of plywood cut to a specific size and there was a link to an Etsy site. On Etsy someone makes a sticky banner that you customize to the size needed and writes whatever you want. She got to pick the style writing she wanted, the color of the background and color of the writing and she had a scrolling ivy design just along the top. Etsy seller mailed you the banner and you just peeled off the backing and adhered to the plywood. It was very very pretty and only cost $10. They had another made they leaned against their table at the reception with different information and that was another $10.

For favors for guests she went to an Amazon site and ordered tiny apothecary jars, ordered pink and blue custom made M&Ms - some with their names and the date, others said Love, Marriage, etc). Using their home printer they customized/printed label they stuck to the outside. All these homemade things were very very pretty - and all looked like something gotten or ordered off a wedding site. Lots of ideas probably on Pinterest as well.

Re: Planning Wedding

RollTide2008 — Wed, 10 Oct 2018 18:08:52 GMT

Give some serious thought to hiring a planner. I’m planning a wedding now and my planner has been amazing. The discount I got on linen rentals using her connections almost completely covered her fee.

Re: Planning Wedding

Twins Mom — Thu, 11 Oct 2018 14:30:05 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch

Just went that, too, and I totally agree with keeping groom's mom in the loop. I just felt lilke I had to have a starting point before I contact. Right now, I don't want to fall apart from the get-go!

Re: Planning Wedding

viva923 — Thu, 11 Oct 2018 14:36:31 GMT

budget is most important. I couldn't afford nothing so dh and I had a very simple wedding at the church we attended. the reception was held at the church hall. i was able to find a caterer at the place where I worked. She did this part time. She was good, had plenty of food made. Just simple sandwiches, and nuts, and other goodies.

Stick to that budget. You don't need a full blowen wedding if the "kids" can't afford it. Celebrate and enjoy, just stick to budget and don't over invite anyone and everyone.

I invited all the people I worked with and NO one came.

this wedding was done with $250.00 back in 1970 which was a huge amount of money for me,since I paid for entire wedding myself. My parents would not help me.

still together 48 yrs next month.

Re: Planning Wedding

missy1 — Thu, 11 Oct 2018 17:09:16 GMT

The one who is paying the most should have the most input IMO, or be in the loop. Unless they say do what you want. I only got a tiny bit from my folks, and we were on our own. Most couples I know pay for their weddings themselves.

Re: Planning Wedding

panda1234 — Thu, 11 Oct 2018 18:32:21 GMT

@CelticCrafter wrote:
We will be in the same situation soon. Poor guy is getting up the nerve to ask us, I can tell he's so close to asking and then kind of shies away. I mean it's not like we're ogres or anything!

We have decided that we will give them a check to do with what they wish, pay for the dress and that's it. We aren't paying for the entire shindig - the guest list is too lopsided and I'm not inviting people just for the sake of evening things up.

@CelticCrafter You are smart. Son is getting married at the end of the month and in hindsight I wish we just wrote a check. It is also a lopsided wedding, 40 on our side and 120 on the other.

We are paying for flowers, rehearsal dinner and farewell breakfast.