topic Re: Destination weddings in Community Chat

Destination weddings

lovesrecess — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 22:51:12 GMT

WThe latest "bride-zilla" has vented on Instagram because the 150 guests she expects to spend $3k to attend her wedding in Thailand have not all responded saying they are going. Actually, only 7 have. To make it less expensive, she moved her wedding location to Hawaii, so it costs a mere $2k. Only 9 have done an rsvp.....she is livid and is also upset that only the cheap stuff has been purchased from her registry...she is tempted to elope now......I think she should have eloped in the first place!

Have you ever attended a "destination wedding"? Do you think they are a good idea or not?

Re: Destination weddings

cherry — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 22:52:26 GMT

NO,I simply declined ,when I was invited. If I go to a destination, it will be one I choose

Re: Destination weddings

NJgirl 1205 — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 22:58:00 GMT

Actually I think most people have destination wedding knowing and hoping few will come.

Have I ever gone? No.

Re: Destination weddings

esmerelda — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 23:00:32 GMT

Thankfully I have not been invited to one and so I have not attended one. I think they are self indulgent and either inconsiderate on the part of the "happy couple" or an attempt to limit the number of guests attending.

I've said before, I'll say again...if today's weddings were like yesterday's...where the bride paid for the attendants' dresses, etc., and the bride's family/bride had to put up out-of-town guests...weddings would be a lot smaller. And they'd ALL be close to home!!

Re: Destination weddings

Mz iMac — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 23:04:18 GMT

@lovesrecess wrote:
Have you ever attended a "destination wedding"? Yes. 2 of them....
Saudia Arabia (family member)
Bermuda - friend

Do you think they are a good idea or not?
Depends on the location & your finances. Otherwise, yes.

Re: Destination weddings

lovesrecess — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 23:12:14 GMT

Seems like a lot of young professionals are having destination weddings because their friends and coworkers have the money to travel. I would never ask or expect my friends to put out thousands of dollars to go to my wedding. We were invited to one in Grand Cayman last spring....and included in the invitation was a short list of hotels and rates...so we could book our lodging. It also said not to stay at the same resort where the wedding will be since that will be reserved for the wedding party and friends of the bride's family. Who are we????

Re: Destination weddings

bathina — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 23:15:03 GMT

We had a destination wedding when we married. It was small by design. 40 people, including the photographers and the band. We wanted only very close friends and relatives. We invited 80, knowing many would not go, which was fine with us. We knew the people who would go would be the ones we loved the best. It was 3 of the best days of our lives.

p.s. We asked only for the gift of the guests' presence and everyone obliged.

Re: Destination weddings

ECBG — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 23:16:27 GMT

If I go to a special place it will be for vacation. Period. Elope.

I see this as part of "entitlement".

Re: Destination weddings

gidgetgh — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 23:16:34 GMT

We haven’t been invited to one and wouldn’t go if we were.

Re: Destination weddings

151949 — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 23:30:31 GMT

We were invited to best friend's son's wedding in Bermuda. The bride & groom paid ALL expenses of everyone who attended. Charter plane - hotel - meals for 3 days.They only invited a few close family and friends . BTW - they also asked for no gifts . We gave them a silver serving tray engraved with their name as a momento of their wedding & to say thank you for the wonderful time we had.The wedding was on the beach, and was absolutely lovely.

Re: Destination weddings

nana59 — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 23:31:26 GMT

@lovesrecess wrote:
Seems like a lot of young professionals are having destination weddings because their friends and coworkers have the money to travel. I would never ask or expect my friends to put out thousands of dollars to go to my wedding. We were invited to one in Grand Cayman last spring....and included in the invitation was a short list of hotels and rates...so we could book our lodging. It also said not to stay at the same resort where the wedding will be since that will be reserved for the wedding party and friends of the bride's family. Who are we????

you can't fix stupid..........

Re: Destination weddings

lovesrecess — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 23:33:18 GMT

Sounds like you have wonderful friends. Most destination weddings now are on the dime of the guests....flight, lodging, food, etc. except for maybe a reception that has dinner...the OP bridezilla reference wanted 150 guests to attend at their own expense as well as buy expensive registry gifts. Sometimes eloping is the best gift a bride and groom can give their friends.

Re: Destination weddings

ZoetheCat — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 23:34:37 GMT

We attended a destination wedding for our very good friends about 10 years ago in Mexico. This couple was in their forties at the time and it was a second marriage for both of them. They made it very clear from the outset that they fully understood if people couldn’t attend. There was no pressure whatsoever. Nevertheless, I know there were several people who were quite upset about the whole thing because they couldn’t afford to attend. A couple of them expressed the view that they didn’t understand why the couple didn’t just have the ceremony/reception locally and then go to Mexico for their honeymoon.

Personally, I think that people should feel free to get married where they want. I would never want to guilt trip someone into living out someone else’s idea of what the “perfect” wedding should look like. I’m not really into the whole elaborate wedding thing. In fact, when hubby and I married 34 years ago, we had a simple ceremony at my church with a reception at my parent’s home. But that was my choice. Someone else’s choice is equally valid.

Big caveat though. No bride or groom should be insulted or throw a tantrum if very few people attend their nuptials should they opt for a destination wedding. That’s just tacky and rude. Nor should any couple expect someone else to foot the bill for their wedding, destination or otherwise. The level of entitlement of some of these people is jaw dropping.

Re: Destination weddings

lovesrecess — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 23:35:24 GMT

Btw, we didn't attend this wedding in Grand Cayman....we were really turned off by the hotel list with all the rates listed....extra tacky IMO

Re: Destination weddings

NicksmomESQ — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 23:36:18 GMT

We were invited to one & declined for several reasons:

1- DH didn’t want to use his vacation time.He wanted to save it for us.

2- We didn’t want to spend $3000 to go to a 3 day wedding.Instead we put the money toward a fabulous weeklong vacation to Aruba.

4- We don’t care for destination weddings.Too much work to get there & back.I think it’s inconsiderate to put people out like that.

Re: Destination weddings

OKPrincess — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 23:36:35 GMT

We were invited to a destination wedding in Hawaii a few years ago but we didn’t go. The hotel they “blocked” off was I think $300/night.

However money was not the reason to decline the invite.

Re: Destination weddings

fingerlakesny — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 23:41:43 GMT

I just went to one in May that was in Greece. Fabulous!

Re: Destination weddings

bathina — Fri, 14 Sep 2018 23:46:32 GMT

@ZoetheCat wrote:
We attended a destination wedding for our very good friends about 10 years ago in Mexico. This couple was in their forties at the time and it was a second marriage for both of them. They made it very clear from the outset that they fully understood if people couldn’t attend. There was no pressure whatsoever. Nevertheless, I know there were several people who were quite upset about the whole thing because they couldn’t afford to attend. A couple of them expressed the view that they didn’t understand why the couple didn’t just have the ceremony/reception locally and then go to Mexico for their honeymoon.

Personally, I think that people should feel free to get married where they want. I would never want to guilt trip someone into living out someone else’s idea of what the “perfect” wedding should look like. I’m not really into the whole elaborate wedding thing. In fact, when hubby and I married 34 years ago, we had a simple ceremony at my church with a reception at my parent’s home. But that was my choice. Someone else’s choice is equally valid.

Big caveat though. No bride or groom should be insulted or throw a tantrum if very few people attend their nuptials should they opt for a destination wedding. That’s just tacky and rude. Nor should any couple expect someone else to foot the bill for their wedding, destination or otherwise. The level of entitlement of some of these people is jaw dropping.

Exactly what happened when we got married. Some people complained that we shouldn't "put people out". How are you putting people out when they're not required to attend or even send a gift? Others said they would rather take the money they would spend to come to our wedding and go to their own destination. Fine with us. We never expected anyone to do anything they weren't comfortable with, couldn't afford or would fly in the face of their righteous indignation. We knew who would end up going and those were the exact people we wanted there.

Interestingly enough, I had a group of friends from work who I did not invite, but who asked at the last minute if they could go. And they did!

Re: Destination weddings

QVCkitty1 — Sat, 15 Sep 2018 00:07:13 GMT

People should get married how and where they want. That being said, you should expect nothing. Don't expect everyone to want to travel, and don't expect a certain level of gift. The only thing you should expect is a timely RSVP.

Re: Destination weddings

Its Me LuLuBelle2 — Sat, 15 Sep 2018 00:51:43 GMT

@bathina wrote:
We had a destination wedding when we married. It was small by design. 40 people, including the photographers and the band. We wanted only very close friends and relatives. We invited 80, knowing many would not go, which was fine with us. We knew the people who would go would be the ones we loved the best. It was 3 of the best days of our lives.

p.s. We asked only for the gift of the guests' presence and everyone obliged.

@bathina, about 15 years ago one of my husband's nephews went to Las Vegas and married his high school sweetheart. No one was invited (they got married by an Elvis impersonator). After they got back they called family members to announce their nuptials. My husband and I sent a $1,000 check and my MIL (the groom's grandmother) sent the newlyweds a $5,000 check. Fast forward 7 years - yep, divorced and the groom is now marrying wife #2. They decided the beaches of Portugal would be the ideal place to be wed. The entire family, and their friends, were invited. They also requested, in addition to us all flying to Portugal, putting ourselves up and feeding ourselve's, that we give money as a wedding gift. My MIL (grandmother of the groom) was absolutely beside herself. She didn't have the money to go AND lay out more cash for a gift. My husband and I were appalled by the entire situation, consoled my MIL, and told her we weren't attending either and not to feel bad.

You said those who "loved" you the best went to your wedding. Sorry, I have to think it's more like those who could "afford" it the best attended. Please don't equate love with money. Not everyone can afford to lay out excessive amounts of cash for your dream wedding. LuLu