topic Re: Divorce in Community Chat

Divorce

MsCatLuver — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 17:33:50 GMT

Hello all,

I just came to the realization that every single one of my close friends have been divorced. This occurred for various reasons… From infidelity to just growing apart. No judgment… I support each of my friends decisions and I want them all to be happy. I just find it interesting how rampant divorce Is in my circle of friends.

Just to add some context, all of my friends are very nice, hard-working in and out of the household, smart, wonderful women. I don't want you to think they are superficial or flaky that's what makes this subject more impactful to me.

The reason I posted this thread is I'm kind of shocked. Just surprised that marriages around me have NOT lasted

Re: Divorce

bathina — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 17:54:06 GMT

Statistics are about 1 in 2 end in divorce. Higher for second marriages. It's really a cultural revolution. Women don't need to stay with men they're not happy with. Into middle age many couples have assets and the dissolution of those assets gives the newly single a good chance of moving forward without being in poverty. Whether the decision to divorce was the right one, only the parties involved can say.

Re: Divorce

fourpaws56 — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 18:01:49 GMT

Divorce isn't always a bad thing. When I left mt ex I found myself...never been happier,and I was able to get off all my meds...

Re: Divorce

haddon9 — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 18:02:00 GMT

I have a few friends who have divorced. One in particular has struggled a lot afterwards. Another friend became a widow when her youngest was only in first grade.

Most of my friends are still together with their spouses.

The biggest surprise to me was when my former next door neighbor (for over 20 years) left his wife for another man.....totally unexpected!

Re: Divorce

SunValley — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 18:05:52 GMT

I also have seen way too many long-time marriages with unhappy partners who just have stuck together despite wandering spouses, selfish partners, and lazy ones. They seem to have little warmth or respect judging by the way they speak to and of each other. Finding the right partner and enjoying the journey is a blessing.

Re: Divorce

Mominohio — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 18:10:56 GMT

Honestly I think it happens so much more now because women have options. They have educations, careers or jobs and the ability to financially take care of themselves.

In many previous generations, women stayed because they pretty much felt they had to.

Also, I don't think that many people today really work hard at things. They might work hard at certain things, but many things in their lives are easy to give up on, like working at a marriage, because it is easier to do and there is less stigma now than in the past.

Re: Divorce

Vivian — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 18:11:09 GMT

My 96 year old mother is VERY old fashioned. When my daughter got divorced, Mom was worried that all my daughter’s married friends would desert her, fearing that their husbands might be stolen. I told my mother that times have changed and that modern, independent women have friends who are married or not. In fact, I too have friends who are married, divorced, and widowed. The thought that my single friends would go after my husband never entered my mind. Thinking that way really short-changes women as well as men. Those who want to cheat will do so, regardless of who their spouse’s friends are. My daughter meets once a year with three of her sorority sisters for a girls’ weekend. Two are married, one is in a long-term lesbian relationship, and one, my daughter, is divorced. Their friendship is three-decades old. Nothing will «tear it asunder.»

Re: Divorce

Nightowlz — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 18:11:49 GMT

I know several people that have divorced. My best friend divorced years ago after she had an affair. She's married to the guy she had an affair with. I'm pretty sure 1 of her sons is his since he looks just like him. I kind of got caught in the middle of that since I was friends with both husband & wife. The husband thought I knew about it but I did not know until after the fact.

Re: Divorce

Sweet_Serenity — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 18:13:00 GMT

@haddon9

Truth is more common than most people realize married men who really are not heterosexual marry the unsuspecting women live double lives. I know right!

Re: Divorce

Shanus — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 18:15:27 GMT

Hope this doesn’t sound selfish, but when many of our couple friends divorced, it was sad for them, but also affected us. The divorced women (when married, we all met for lunch), now formed their own groups of divorced women. The couples we went out with, of course now dissolved, left us with only a small group of friends.

Re: Divorce

SunValley — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 18:23:27 GMT

@Shanus wrote:
Hope this doesn’t sound selfish, but when many of our couple friends divorced, it was sad for them, but also affected us. The divorced women (when married, we all met for lunch), now formed their own groups of divorced women. The couples we went out with, of course now dissolved, left us with only a small group of friends.

@Shanus It’s not selfish, it’s true. Happened to me.

Re: Divorce

QVCkitty1 — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 18:30:39 GMT

Life is short, everyone deserves a chance at happiness. What we want at 20, sometimes changes when we get older. I don't judge.

Re: Divorce

TheMemphisVette — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 18:38:33 GMT

i am actually more saddened by those in miserable marriages that do not get divorced.

Re: Divorce

bikerbabe — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 18:47:04 GMT

Sadly, I know too many women in bad, abusive relationships - verbal or physical or both - that NEED to get divorced and so far have not done it. It feels like there is an epidemic of abusive men.

Re: Divorce

Sweet_Serenity — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 18:53:02 GMT

Divorced 28 years ago..my ex was a good man..after we married he became a Jehovah's witness and well...we went our separate ways. We had a choice and both knew which one we wanted. No bitterness whatsoever. Life is wonderful.

Having experienced great love as well loss. I came to realize relationships are not for me. Love living alone! Did I say I love living alone?! I do I do I do.

Re: Divorce

sunshine45 — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 19:06:46 GMT

my ex and i get along better now than the end of our marriage and going through the divorce. we actually go out together as a family every so often, especially on birthdays and during special occasions. we also talk almost every day and live within a few miles of each other.

i have a s/o and he is great also.....we have a long distance relationship that works well.

will never get married again. once was more than enough.

i dont even encourage my children to marry....at least no time soon.

Re: Divorce

Its Me LuLuBelle2 — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 19:10:10 GMT

I was married to my first husband for five long, painful years. I should have backed out on my wedding day as I knew I was making a huge mistake. I mean how often to you go to your neighborhood bar at 4:00 in the afternoon and see a bride in all her bridal glory, with her siblings (my brothers were giving me away and my sister was maid of honor), slugging beer out of the bottle and playing pool? Yeah, if you were there, that was me.

I was young and dumb, marrying a man I thought I loved, but in reality I look back and realize I didn't. He went from Mr. Nice Guy (but a bit odd) to Mr. Control Freak with a lousy temper and mean streak a mile long overnight. We went on to have a daughter and he was a lousier father than he was husband. That's when I called it quits.

I stayed single, raising a child alone, without child support from Mr. Wonderful - which was fine as he had no interest in her anyway. When she was in her teens I met a wonderful guy and we dated for several years before marrying. My daughter considers him her dad and we just celebrated our 25th anniversary.

We all make "mistakes" and I freely admit mine was a doozy, but there's always a way out.

Re: Divorce

GenXmuse — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 19:19:50 GMT

Getting divorced was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Re: Divorce

BirkiLady — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 19:31:49 GMT

@bikerbabe wrote:
Sadly, I know too many women in bad, abusive relationships - verbal or physical or both - that NEED to get divorced and so far have not done it. It feels like there is an epidemic of abusive men.

In the over 65 age group, I see many women who are verbally abusing their husbands and emotionally ignoring them. During their working years, they were active and involved in many things. The wife wanted to retire in another home and/or location. These men are lost and their wives are wearing the pants. The role-reversal is devestating for them. The women seem to like the "take charge" role and don't realize (or care?) how painful it is for their husband. I don't get it; seems to selfish.

Re: Divorce

Shanus — Sat, 25 Aug 2018 19:32:58 GMT

@Its Me LuLuBelle2 wrote:
I was married to my first husband for five long, painful years. I should have backed out on my wedding day as I knew I was making a huge mistake. I mean how often to you go to your neighborhood bar at 4:00 in the afternoon and see a bride in all her bridal glory, with her siblings (my brothers were giving me away and my sister was maid of honor), slugging beer out of the bottle and playing pool? Yeah, if you were there, that was me.

I was young and dumb, marrying a man I thought I loved, but in reality I look back and realize I didn't. He went from Mr. Nice Guy (but a bit odd) to Mr. Control Freak with a lousy temper and mean streak a mile long overnight. We went on to have a daughter and he was a lousier father than he was husband. That's when I called it quits.

I stayed single, raising a child alone, without child support from Mr. Wonderful - which was fine as he had no interest in her anyway. When she was in her teens I met a wonderful guy and we dated for several years before marrying. My daughter considers him her dad and we just celebrated our 25th anniversary.

We all make "mistakes" and I freely admit mine was a doozy, but there's always a way out.

@Its Me LuLuBelle2 That’s a bittersweet story, but happy it worked out so well for you in the end.