topic Re: Using 'they' or 'them'?? in Community Chat

Using 'they' or 'them'??

petepetey — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 09:59:04 GMT

My college age child told me a friend of hers was traveling in Europe this week.

I asked 'who is she traveling with'? She then told me she doesn't use 'she' anymore

it's 'they or 'them'.

This one is hard for me to wrap my head around. Why deny your gender? Is that a bad thing? They or them is plural so are you speaking about one person or a group?

How can I understand this?

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

qualitygal — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 10:01:49 GMT

Just do it your way. I don't believe we have to accept everything people throw in our path. We can still be respectful.

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

OKPrincess — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 10:25:41 GMT

Wouldn’t the singular non gender form of she or he be “it”?

Where is it going on vacation? Is that what is meant?

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

151949 — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 10:52:02 GMT

I think I would have looked at her and said "What on Earth are you talking about? You don't call one person They. How much is your education costing me? And this is what they are teaching you?"

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

haddon9 — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 10:58:24 GMT

Haha! I would have said, "Okay since it's only one person we're referring to then, where is IT going?"

@OKPrincess wrote:
Wouldn’t the singular non gender form of she or he be “it”?

Where is it going on vacation? Is that what is meant?

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

cherry — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 11:00:21 GMT

You will hear all sorts of things that might give you pause. She is seeing an entirely new world ,and things are appealing to her.

I would just speak like I always did, and not lecture her. It will do absolutely no good at all, and might do a lot more harm, than it is worth making a fuss over.

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

Goldengate8361 — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 11:05:00 GMT

I don’t think it’s a big deal, particularly given how many “real” errors people in speaking every day. I am, however, very offended by folks using “he” generically. That is a sexist practice. I routinely correct people that insist on using masculine pronouns to represent everyone.

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

proudlyfromNJ — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 11:08:07 GMT

@petepetey. Actually, I think your best bet is to ask your daughter to explain it. I don't think anyone here would know what is in your daughters mind.

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

missy1 — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 11:39:33 GMT

Some places require this. Unless it's a legal issue, then I will continue to address people how I want: using: she, he,Mr., Mrs, female, girl etc.

http://genderfluidsupport.tumblr.com/gender

Here's a list of all the genders.

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

Imaoldhippie — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 11:47:26 GMT

Thats got to be one of the most stupid things I have heard in a long while.

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

SXMGirl — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 11:52:17 GMT

I would not ignore this. No matter that we live in a changing world, proper grammar is expected from adults and no amount of ridiculous college rules set by professors who have never had a real job is going to change that. I have been an adjunct professor (business) and I always brought in the real world to my students. I worry that common sense is going by the wayside.

If I am paying for my child's education, then I have an expectation of certain things to show for my money. One of those things is that proper grammar is used. Other than ridiculous social media norms, do businesses really hire people who cannot communicate effectively anymore?

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

sidsmom — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 12:11:28 GMT

If someone’s in their 20’s, they’re living in a whole different world.

If she’s intelligent, she’ll figure it out.

If she’s respectful, she’ll figure it out.

If she’s compassionate, she’ll figure it out.

If she’s intelligent, respectful & compassion, that’s a winning combo!

Just let her be. She’s learning new & different things.

College is more than a classroom...it’s Life training, as well.

College 101.

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

CrazyDaisy — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 12:21:28 GMT

@Goldengate8361 wrote:
I don’t think it’s a big deal, particularly given how many “real” errors people in speaking every day. I am, however, very offended by folks using “he” generically. That is a sexist practice. I routinely correct people that insist on using masculine pronouns to represent everyone.

In the absence of first hand knowledge or knowing the person being addressed how would you address them generically?

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

Lisa Y — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 12:25:24 GMT

@Imaoldhippie wrote:
Thats got to be one of the most stupid things I have heard in a long while.

😁😁😁😁😁

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

Vivian — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 12:29:19 GMT

The English language has a problem. We have the plural, «they», but we do not have a singular equivalent. We have either he or she but what if we don’t know the gender of the person referenced? The French have the word “on” which can mean he, she, they, we...just about anyone. We have the word “one” as in “One doesn’t do that.” but it sounds stilted and awkward.

When I’m in France, I use that word «on» all the time. It eliminates the passive voice, which the French don’t like using and the pronoun can refer to anyone. We often use the word «they» to refer to one person, even though it’s incorrect. We just don’t have a good alternative. There’s a similar issue with the pronoun «you.» It’s the same in the singular and in the plural. That’s why we have regional expressions like «yous» and «you all» to make the distinction between a single «you» and a plural «you.» With all the words in the English language, you’d think someone ccould have created a few more pronouns,

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

Boehm Collector — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 12:45:18 GMT

@petepetey wrote:
My college age child told me a friend of hers was traveling in Europe this week.
I asked 'who is she traveling with'? She then told me she doesn't use 'she' anymore
it's 'they or 'them'.

This one is hard for me to wrap my head around. Why deny your gender? Is that a bad thing? They or them is plural so are you speaking about one person or a group?

How can I understand this?

@petepetey .... I had this conversation with my 21 year old niece. I believe we were talking about transgendered people. She said that they should be referred to as "they". Makes no sense to me.

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

mac116 — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 12:56:03 GMT

@SXMGirl

Being a professor IS a real job. She may not have learned the pronoun usage in a classroom, but rather picked it up from other people or other sources. I was an English major in college, but I sure don't remember having grammar classes. Plenty of grammar in elementary and high school. Grammar usage WAS discussed when reading and critiquing literature in college.

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

Johnnyeager — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 13:05:15 GMT

I think that it's primarily non-binaries who insist on being called "they" .

True transgenders mainly indentify with the pronoun of their new gender.

Otherwise you're a cis-gender.

I know, I know.......

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

Jaspersmom — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 13:09:23 GMT

When it comes to grammar and usage, this is one thing that irks me. A few years ago, it became acceptable to use "they" in place of "he" or "she." One reason may be because it's gender neutral. However, to me the real reason is many people have used "they", "them" and "their" incorrectly in their speech for so long that it's become acceptable in everyday usage. To me it's wrong, wrong, wrong. It's just another example of our standards being chipped away and too many people accepting mediocrity and worse. How about people who use "have went" and "have swam?" When I was in school, we had to memorize verb tenses and every kid learned how to use them correctly. I know there are more important things in life, but we are supposed to be a highly educated nation and sometimes I wonder if that's true anymore.

Re: Using 'they' or 'them'??

Ms tyrion2 — Tue, 21 Aug 2018 13:41:33 GMT

The transgender community uses they or them to refer to nonspecific groups of people. I think it's meant to not make identity by gender a "thing". My nephew is transgender and that is how he and his group of friends refer to each other.

It's not a lack of education or the downfall of society. It's just a way for a group of people to feel their way through society. It feels awkward to say it for me, but I can respect the intent.