topic Re: Do you find this odd? in Community Chat

Do you find this odd?

Abrowneyegirl — Tue, 24 Jul 2018 00:57:41 GMT

I have a older (66 yo) family friend that I talk to regularly and I have started to notice that she asked for strangely detailed and specific information that a) she will not remember and b) do not matter.

For example she asked about a wedding my DH and I are going to attend out of state (a couple she does not know) I was sharing some of the highlights and fun things we have planned.

She asked about the church I told her what I knew about it.

She pressed for more detailed I told her is was old Lutheran church downtown. She pressed for more specific details, I asked if she was familiar with downtown Middletown thinking perhaps she knew the church! She tells me "no, I have never been to the state."

So why are we have a detailed conversation about church neither one of us have ever been to!

I am noticing this more and more, she will need to oddly specific details about minute things, yet she is remembering less and less. Just typing this I am realizing this may be a sign of a problem............

I am hoping it is just a odd quirk she has developed.

Re: Do you find this odd?

mimilucy — Tue, 24 Jul 2018 01:04:27 GMT

@Abrowneyegirl I think it could be a sign of a problem. I am 65 and have numbers of friends and relatives around my age. We are all forgetting many things! With regard to asking questions that don't matter, in my experience people do this when they are anxious to prolong conversation because when the conversation is over they go back to being lonely and/bored. It will be such a blessing if you can remain patient.

Re: Do you find this odd?

VaBelle35 — Tue, 24 Jul 2018 01:05:23 GMT

Maybe she just wants you to keep talking and enjoys hearing about things.

I worked with a woman who used to ask a ton of questions. I finally called her on it and she said she just did it because she was bored.

Re: Do you find this odd?

phoenixbrd — Tue, 24 Jul 2018 01:05:27 GMT

maybe she is being polite and feigning interest in the conversation or maybe she is just curious....there could be a lot of reasons. If she is a close friend, why not ask her.

Re: Do you find this odd?

catwhisperer — Tue, 24 Jul 2018 01:07:28 GMT

Dementia perhaps?

Re: Do you find this odd?

Abrowneyegirl — Tue, 24 Jul 2018 01:10:22 GMT

@mimilucy You bring up some good points.

Re: Do you find this odd?

Katcat1 — Tue, 24 Jul 2018 01:14:05 GMT

@Abrowneyegirl Does she have a husband or any children you can talk to about it? It seems that she needs medical attention to ascertain any problems. I hope she is okay and it's only old age setting in but you have to be sure because if it is something more serious, immediate attention could really get hold of the problem.

Re: Do you find this odd?

fthunt — Tue, 24 Jul 2018 01:14:17 GMT

Odd = No For sister's age = perhaps yes

I have a 92 year old lady friend - I've heard the same stories zillon of times; but she thinks it's the first. And can 'milk' a topic to death. (Yawn)

Re: Do you find this odd?

SXMGirl — Tue, 24 Jul 2018 01:15:55 GMT

@Abrowneyegirl, there are many reason why she might ask about such details. She may be lonely and enjoy her time with you, she might be delving into dementia, or, she might be on medications that cause her to forget. Depending on how close you are, you might mention your concerns to her. If you think that it is medical, maybe you could accompany her to her doctor and then go out to a nice lunch. Loneliness takes many forms.

Re: Do you find this odd?

Abrowneyegirl — Tue, 24 Jul 2018 03:16:33 GMT

Thank you all for such wonderful points.

She is not really a lonely old lady, she is very active, works with kids, volunteers and travels around the world with her family.

She just came back from a 15 day trip to Alaska.

My husband ( I asked him about this after I posted and read some reviews) thinks she is too busy to focus and that's why she can not remember things.

He recalls a drawn out conversation about our plumber, the whole who, what, how and why.

A week or so later she needed a plumber calls us to get a referral- the whole conversation is repeated about the plumber. The next day I asked if she liked the plumber, she called another plumber she got out of the phone book. ????

I think it may be just a quirk that may be getting worse as she ages (not that 66 is old) and that I am noticing more as I age. LOL

Re: Do you find this odd?

BeccaLou — Tue, 24 Jul 2018 05:48:12 GMT

I don't know but I don't find anything strange about any of it, just holding a conversation, and she just seems excited for you to go.

Re: Do you find this odd?

Nataliesgramma — Tue, 24 Jul 2018 09:47:23 GMT

I think it sounds like she is starting to have memory issues....

Re: Do you find this odd?

qualitygal — Tue, 24 Jul 2018 10:03:29 GMT

@VaBelle35 wrote:
Maybe she just wants you to keep talking and enjoys hearing about things.

I worked with a woman who used to ask a ton of questions. I finally called her on it and she said she just did it because she was bored.

I was thinking the same thing. Some people just to hear another human's voice...use to call the time of day. That's sad. Some people don't know how to end a conversation. I've seen that happen too. I'd say loneliness, is the motivator here.

Re: Do you find this odd?

CelticCrafter — Tue, 24 Jul 2018 12:02:29 GMT

Sounds like my m-i-l.

Re: Do you find this odd?

Another new name Sue — Tue, 24 Jul 2018 12:45:00 GMT

I believe you are overthinking this. Don’t worry, time will tell.

Re: Do you find this odd?

chickenbutt — Wed, 25 Jul 2018 16:39:55 GMT

Sounds like my husband. For him, I just think he likes to talk and the easiest way to make conversation is to ask about things that I've already told him or things that have gone on but are of no consequence.

I don't think this is an indication of dementia, as has been suggested here. That's a bit of a stretch.

My husband will ask me about things that have nothing to do with him, nothing that matters at all, and I sometimes have to hold back from getting irritated because not only will he not remember most of it, but why does he want this totally useless info? I tend to get irritated (but I work hard to keep that to myself), because it's just a waste of time to ask about things that have nothing to do with him, wouldn't be interesting at all, and don't have any bearing on his life. Many is the time that he's asked me a question about something specific that he's asked me numerous times before. After a while I have to just say that I've answered that question several times and am not going to answer it anymore. If it matters to him, then he would remember the first 10 times I gave him the answer.

He just wants to engage conversation. I'm kind of the opposite. If I don't have anything to say, I'm totally fine with not saying anything. I don't need to be talking all the time, but he kinda does.

So, maybe she just wants to talk.

Re: Do you find this odd?

kittyloo — Wed, 25 Jul 2018 16:45:35 GMT

maybe this is how she "paints a picture" in her mind, and is trying to get details to complete the picture.

Re: Do you find this odd?

hckynut — Wed, 25 Jul 2018 22:40:05 GMT

@Abrowneyegirl

It would seem strange to me! You are much different than I am for sure. Anyone that is not a real close friend of mine, asking me similar questions? They wouldn't like what I would say to them, and I doubt they would ask me needless questions again.

hckynut(john)

Re: Do you find this odd?

jubilant — Thu, 26 Jul 2018 11:40:31 GMT

I do find it a little odd. I have seen dementia patients do this. I am not saying that it is d ementia. There are other things that mimic the symptoms of dementia such as extreme anxiety, depression, and reactions to medications. If it continues.... maybe you could mention to her that, "you heard that story before" and ask if she remembers doing telling you . I wouldn't mention the word Dementia to her at this point. Hopefully her family is noticing this, too.

Re: Do you find this odd?

mimomof4 — Thu, 26 Jul 2018 12:28:52 GMT

She sounds very familiar to my MIL who is now in her upper 70's. She has always been a talker so in the past I would just blow it off and answer the questions as best I could. While I am not a person to ask someone tons of questions, I always figured it was just her and she likes to talk and gossip (although she won't admit the gossip part). She would always tell us the same stories over and over - on different days but the same story. Again I figured it was linked to the need to tell a story or new she had. That may be part of the reason you friend is asking lots of questions.

Now that my MIL has been a widow for 10 years things are a little different with her. She asks the same questions numerous times in a conversation and in the same conversation she will repeat stories. She admits that she doesn't remember anything unless she writes it down and writes entire conversations down almost verbatim in notebooks which she keeps everywhere. We can all tell that she is starting to get confused easily by things although she won't admit it.