topic Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience in Community Chat

Another Wedding Gift Experience

beach-mom — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 02:45:44 GMT

I am thrilled to be attending this wedding - we love both the bride and groom, and we've known the groom for a long time.

But their registry was unlike any other I've seen so far. It included items with pictures from different sites. When you clicked on the picture, it took you directly to the site. No problem there. But after the gift was purchased a little banner popped up that said "Thank you. Jack and Jill have been notified of your gift." So much for a surprise.

I have no problem getting something off the registry, but I do have a problem with the bride and groom knowing exactly who gave what gift BEFORE they open it.

Have any of you ever seen anything like this?

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

nrm — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 03:00:54 GMT

Yes, I’ve seen a registry like that. My nephew got married a couple of years ago and it was a bit confusing at first since I was looking for something specific that they wanted.

I think a lot of young people are doing this now to make it easier on gift giving.

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

on the bay — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 03:17:22 GMT

I think I like that idea.

I like knowing that they know what and who right away.

They will know anyway and this way, I'm sure they will receive it,

And for those who take a long time to send thank yous or never do, at least I'll know they will get it.

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

occasionalrain — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 04:49:00 GMT

I can see an advantage to it. They can do their thank yous as they are chosen rather than all at once after the wedding and there's no confusion as to who gave what. The only issue is the senders changing their mind, perhaps deciding on something other or maybe being asked to go together on a larger group gift. Too late for that.

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

Kachina624 — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 05:40:16 GMT

Next thing you know, they'll put a spin on the computer response to serve as a thank you note, absolving Jack and Jill of having to perform that boring chore.

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

CelticCrafter — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 09:34:12 GMT

@beach-mom - I do know the bride and/or groom can check the registry once it's been made public to see what's been bought and who bought it.

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

ID2 — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 10:35:14 GMT

Don't you think they were notified to expect a gift coming and NOT what exactly what the gift is?? I think its a great idea.

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

qualitygal — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 10:42:49 GMT

If you want to surprise them, cancel what you got already, and go to another store and buy them something else. That should give you the "surprise" you're after.

They know you love them and will be happy with whatever you give them.

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

shoptheQ — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 12:00:43 GMT

This was a new one for me: bride & groom quit their jobs and after wedding will take a year to travel the world. Their on-line registry described various tours on their agenda (i.e. African Safari) and asked guests to pick a tour and donate money.

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

missy1 — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 12:24:20 GMT

@shoptheQ wrote:
This was a new one for me: bride & groom quit their jobs and after wedding will take a year to travel the world. Their on-line registry described various tours on their agenda (i.e. African Safari) and asked guests to pick a tour and donate money.

Nice they both can afford to quit their jobs. Reality will hit when they come home. (unless they are wealthy or their family is) Tacky registry. I would not donate to their traveling around the world, for a year.

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

Abrowneyegirl — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 12:33:12 GMT

I was OKAY with this new way of registries thinking as others mentioned, it is easier to keep up with the Thank you's, until the last 2 weddings when we did not recieve Thank you's because "we got a got confirmation when the gift was purchased." !!!!!!!!

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

Financialgrl — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 12:59:59 GMT

@CelticCrafter wrote:
@beach-mom - I do know the bride and/or groom can check the registry once it's been made public to see what's been bought and who bought it.

Yep, a niece is getting married Saturday and I've always gotten a gift for a wedding shower and then given a check for the wedding. She was registered at BB&Beyond and my sister in law and I wanted to each buy something off registry but when you ordered it online (at the store or at home) you had to jump thru hoops to bypass the option of buying it and having it sent directly to the couple's home. We wanted the gift sent to us so we could take it to the shower. The registry is still online and you can't see who bought what but you can pull down the screen and have it show all items purchased and any gifts still available to buy.

Years ago I stopped taking a gift to weddings - if I was buying gift for the wedding I'd have them sent directly to their home. Two weeks ago I sent the card with a check to my niece's apartment. She's not opening the gifts at the reception and as it is - gifts brought to the wedding will be loaded up and taken to their home by the best man bc the couple will be staying at a hotel on the airport grounds that night bc they have an extremely early flight to their honeymoon resort.

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

Mominohio — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:01:18 GMT

I'm such a bah humbug kind of gal when it comes to weddings in general. I don't like them, because of the drama, expense and hype.

This newest registry thing I guess is ok if that is what people want, but I too have to ask, where is the fun and the surprise in anything anymore?

And the trend to ask people to donate money for your house, your honeymoon, your year off to backpack across Europe or whatever is just tacky. I totally support the young couple doing what they want to do, just don't ask other people to pay for it.

I guess I'm just old school. Back in the day, most people getting married were coming straight out of their parents homes, or recently out of college or the military, and were not only younger than many marrying today, but much less equipped to set up housekeeping, many never having really had a real place of their own.

Showers and wedding gifts were about getting the couple off to a start with the things they would need in their new life together. The things were most generally practical (although as high end as one could give, to make it special and lasting), necessary, very much appreciated, and used.

Today's weddings are of people mostly older than those previous generation, mostly more financially stable, many having lived on their own or together and having complete functioning households. Many marriages are second (or third) and people are actually getting rid of things as the unite with yet another household.

As most things these days, marriage is very different. As other customs go by the wayside or change to fit the times, maybe the gifting surrounding weddings needs to change too.

I'd say if people are happy giving something like money for a trip or a house, so be it. That is great. But I am questioning why I'm asked to give to people who already have a full life, and seem to just want to play at the beginning of their marriage. It's fine if that is what they want to do, I just don't feel all warm and fuzzy about buying into it.

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

Yahooey — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:07:20 GMT

This isn't about weddings - but my family's experience with money. Growing up, we didn't have a lot. My father started a business but couldn't get a loan - he had a few close realatives/friends that lent him the balance.

He worked very hard and kept repaying them back as he couldn/ Although we needed a car to get the goods for the business, he forgo buying a car for 2 years. He said he wouldn't look right if I have a car and didn't repay the loans first.

His first car was 1972 Buick Skylark - all debts paid off first. He never had a credit card - belieivng if you can't pay for it, don't buy it. He is now 93 and cash and carry kind of guy.

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

Twins Mom — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:17:02 GMT

Experience with one of these wedding sites also confusing to me. BB&B was one option along with online site I am not familiar with. The wine glasses requested were twice the price I found at Macy’s. I found no way to show the item had been purchased elsewhere. No way was I going to pay their price. Told Grooms mother it had been purchased.

Another wedding I had decided on gift and what I would spend. Shortly before wedding the mother decided there would be a family bridal shower since couple was coming into town to visit grandma who wouldn’t be able to make trip. Family get together was not good enough. Another gift in order. Expense just grew. Add to that travel, high end hotel, parking, etc. These situations ruin the event for me, but then I am not key. It’s just that when I plan things like this I think of others and try to simplify things for guests.

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

ms traditional — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:25:49 GMT

i feel these events have become more like "entitlements" and i have no interest in that. i love helping people starting out -especially kids of friends. but these days, with new attitudes and lack of thank you notes, i admit to losing interest. i think making a contribution in new couple's name to a local food bank might be my "new" attitude. i am sure that would be appreciated -by the food bank!

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

OKPrincess — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:36:08 GMT

Welcome to the entitled expected generation. The entitled generation expects a big lavish wedding, expensive impractical lavish gift list (what happened to pots and pans, dishes, sheets and towels), and help with over-the-top honeymoons.

Everything in life so far has been handed to this generation so why stop now? Along the way they weren’t taught proper etiquette, hand-written thank you notes, etc.

Where were these entitlements and expectations way back in the good old days?

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

Cakers3 — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:47:30 GMT

@beach-mom wrote:
I am thrilled to be attending this wedding - we love both the bride and groom, and we've known the groom for a long time.

But their registry was unlike any other I've seen so far. It included items with pictures from different sites. When you clicked on the picture, it took you directly to the site. No problem there. But after the gift was purchased a little banner popped up that said "Thank you. Jack and Jill have been notified of your gift." So much for a surprise.

I have no problem getting something off the registry, but I do have a problem with the bride and groom knowing exactly who gave what gift BEFORE they open it.

Have any of you ever seen anything like this?

@beach-mom The bride and groom can see what is purchased on the registry so the element of surprise is already removed.

Unless you are commenting on the "Thank you" pop up?

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

Sooner — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:50:39 GMT

What is a gift? Is it for the recipient or the giver? Is the aim to have fun giving it or to give someone something they want to make them happy?

Is it REALLY better to give than receive? Doesn't sound like it so much any more.

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

malimi — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 14:00:36 GMT

This happened to me with a shower gift! Thank goodness the shower wasn't a surprise, because the gift certainly wasn't.