topic Re: A gift question in Community Chat

A gift question

panda1234 — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 10:30:06 GMT

Two brothers graduated in June and had parties. Now they are moving away, one for more schooling and one for a job. There is a going away party for both, are more gifts expected? I don't know what to do.

Re: A gift question

Nataliesgramma — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 10:34:45 GMT

If the invitation didn't say "No gifts , Please"....then I would say yes...

Re: A gift question

CelticCrafter — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 10:47:22 GMT

If you just gave graduation gifts, I wouldn't give another.

Re: A gift question

Tique — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 11:40:37 GMT

@panda1234 my first thought was the same as @CelticCrafter's; however that was immediately followed by a question. Is this party being held at someone's home? If it's not at home and money is being spent for a venue, gifts are probably expected. If they're expecting second gifts and you don't take one, next time around they'll do you a favor and exclude you. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing.

Re: A gift question

NicksmomESQ — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 12:19:20 GMT

I get invited to “gift grabs” all the time.This is how I handle them.If I’m close to the person I go & give a gift. But a smaller one than the one I just gave. If I’m not that close I don’t go & don’t send anything.

A couple of years ago I was invited to a birthday party,a graduation party, & an engagement party all for the same young man.I got all 3 invitations within about a week.I went to the engagement party & skipped the other two.

It’s not my responsibility to help someone pay for their venue.I’m a generous gift giver but will not be taken advantage of.My gifts are based on who is getting it & how much that person means to me.I’ve given bigger gifts at house parties & smaller ones at country clubs.JMO but it all depends on the situation.

Re: A gift question

Mistreatedbycs — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 13:07:02 GMT

Yes, more gifts are expected BUT

your gifts don't have to be expensive, for the boy going away for additional school, a "treat" box is perfect. Crackers, snacks, microwave popcorn and things like that in a small cardboard box.

For the boy going away for his first job....a nice pen would be perfect!

Sometimes a gift like "just thinking of you" is perfect.

Re: A gift question

Krimpette — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 13:36:20 GMT

Sure sound like a gift grab to me. I'd decline the invitation, unless I was really close to the individuals. Does every "party" require a gift??? I'd be embarrassed to expect gifts again after such a short time.

Re: A gift question

Danky — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 13:50:29 GMT

@panda1234 wrote:
Two brothers graduated in June and had parties. Now they are moving away, one for more schooling and one for a job. There is a going away party for both, are more gifts expected? I don't know what to do.

Hi @panda1234-------I believe that most parties or get-togethers require NO gift and I believe this gathering falls into that category.

However, if I felt that I didn't want to go empty handed, I would bring each a bottle of sparkling wine to celebrate the next stage of their life accompanied by a handwritten note wishing them well.

Re: A gift question

FranandZoe — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 14:23:16 GMT

My nephew got married (a few years ago) in February. They had a small "gathering" at the bride's parents' home. Six month later they had a traditional reception. As we gave them a wedding gift in February we did not give another gift at the reception.

I agree - gift grab. Greed. That's all it is any more.

No I would not give another gift.

Re: A gift question

Kachina624 — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 14:26:44 GMT

@Danky wrote:
@panda1234 wrote:
Two brothers graduated in June and had parties. Now they are moving away, one for more schooling and one for a job. There is a going away party for both, are more gifts expected? I don't know what to do.
Hi @panda1234-------I believe that most parties or get-togethers require NO gift and I believe this gathering falls into that category.
However, if I felt that I didn't want to go empty handed, I would bring each a bottle of sparkling wine to celebrate the next stage of their life accompanied by a handwritten note wishing them well.

Better check the age of these guys before giving wine.

Re: A gift question

Sooner — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 14:33:51 GMT

$25 to $50 gift card

Re: A gift question

GCR18 — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 14:50:36 GMT

I'd get cards and put a crisp $20 inside each.

Re: A gift question

dex — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 14:52:48 GMT

I don’t think gifts are required for a go8ng away party....just well wishes for the next stage of their lives.I think the parents just want to share the excitement with family and friends and mark the step into manhood for their sons with a celebration.

Re: A gift question

chrystaltree — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 15:09:18 GMT

I am assuming that you gave them graduation gifts last month, if that is the case then you don't have to give a going away gift. You gave them gifts just a few weeks ago. So, enjoy the party and wish the well. Personally, I've never been to a going away party that was a gift giving party but if you know for a fact that gifts are expected and you didn't give them anything for graduations, give them each a gift card to Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts or some other fast food type restaurant. And card. You can do that even if the party isn't a gift giving thing, if you are close to the two young men.

Re: A gift question

Shanus — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 15:15:21 GMT

@panda1234 wrote:
Two brothers graduated in June and had parties. Now they are moving away, one for more schooling and one for a job. There is a going away party for both, are more gifts expected? I don't know what to do.

@panda1234 IMO, if you gave a graduation gift, that’s sufficient. If not, you can give your gift now.

Re: A gift question

esmerelda — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 15:22:49 GMT

@Tique wrote:
@panda1234 my first thought was the same as @CelticCrafter's; however that was immediately followed by a question. Is this party being held at someone's home? If it's not at home and money is being spent for a venue, gifts are probably expected. If they're expecting second gifts and you don't take one, next time around they'll do you a favor and exclude you. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing.

@TiqueWHAT? Is this the equivalent of a wedding gift equaling the cost of the meal at the reception?

I wouldn't take another gift. I'm not sure I'd go to another party. Graduates do exactly what these guys are doing...more schooling/college or employment. That gift has already been given. I don't see the point of another one. Unless, of course, the person invited wants to give.

If money has been spent for a venue, that money may have been better spent by splitting it between the two graduates if whoever is giving the party thinks they need more gifts.

Re: A gift question

Janey2 — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 15:23:04 GMT

I would never go to a party without some type of gift. If you feel insulted that they seem to be asking for another gift, do not attend the function and just send a card.

Re: A gift question

Tique — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 18:52:45 GMT

@esmerelda wrote:
@Tique wrote:
@panda1234 my first thought was the same as @CelticCrafter's; however that was immediately followed by a question. Is this party being held at someone's home? If it's not at home and money is being spent for a venue, gifts are probably expected. If they're expecting second gifts and you don't take one, next time around they'll do you a favor and exclude you. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing.

@TiqueWHAT? Is this the equivalent of a wedding gift equaling the cost of the meal at the reception?

I wouldn't take another gift. I'm not sure I'd go to another party. Graduates do exactly what these guys are doing...more schooling/college or employment. That gift has already been given. I don't see the point of another one. Unless, of course, the person invited wants to give.

If money has been spent for a venue, that money may have been better spent by splitting it between the two graduates if whoever is giving the party thinks they need more gifts.

@esmerelda I simply said depending on where the party was held, gifts are probably expected. I went through something similar to this with my neighbor's son a couple of years ago. I gave a second gift because of my relationship with him. I had no qualms about that second gift and I didn't go to the party. When it came up again, did the opposite. Again based on our relationship.

Re: A gift question

Sooner — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 18:56:00 GMT

If you are close enough to the boys to go to the party and feel they would miss you if you didn't go, go and give a small gift card and well-wishes note.

If it is the parents you are close to and not the boys, skip it at your option. BUT if you are close enough to be there, give a small gift.

Re: A gift question

pigletsmom — Sun, 08 Jul 2018 22:54:45 GMT

Since when do they give parties for kids going away to college? They just had graduation parties with gifts? That's enough in my opinion.

A party for your kids leaving town sounds weird enough to me but I would just assume it's a nice get together before the kids leave. No gifts reguired.