topic Re: Are you a good judge of character? in Community Chat

Are you a good judge of character?

chiclet — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 11:31:09 GMT

I can honestly say I am clueless. I trust no one anymore. When I occasionally let my guard down and think "What a nice person" I usually am dissappointed. This man called about my home for sale and we talked. He was older and very nice. I told him about a house for sale down the street since mine had just sold. He called me many times and the people down the street with questions about the area etc. since he lived many hours away. I enjoyed talking to him and thought he was such a nice man. He made an appt to see home and then did not show up or cancel appt. The owner called him and he will not return call. He must have called me 7 or 8 times and her probably as much wasting our time. I had no reason to talk to him but just wanted to help him in his relocation process. I can understand if he decided the neighborhood or area was not for him but no cancellation or thanking us for our time spend on the phone trying to help him. What is wrong with people....

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

cherry — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 11:42:14 GMT

Sometimes I am, but , there are con artists that can fool anyone

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

OKPrincess — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 12:00:13 GMT

Let’s just say I’m cautious and it also depends on where I am and the topic of conversation.

If I’m home I talk through the glass door. If interested in what your selling I’ll call you.

If you need access to my backyard, you’d better have proper ID and a truck.

If you need to use my phone, you couldn’t find one to use on the way to our house? You passed 15 houses on the way to my cul de sac.

If you’re selling your religious beliefs, I’m saved and going to heaven when I die.

Unfortunately this is world we live in today. I am cautious.

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

Abrowneyegirl — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 12:12:55 GMT

I have a very good sense, it is one of my few talents.

Just recently friends of ours had a terrible experience with a person that they were working with on a major business venture and the other guy turned out to be a cheat and a liar. As soon as they told us the story my DH remarked how I did not like the guy the moment I met him 3 years ago. Just the sight of him made my skin crawl and I never trusted him. (Although he was always very kind to me.)

I have hired hundreds of people over the years and this skill has served me well.

But I am still wary about strangers in my home and near me in parking garages, etc.

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

Shanus — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 12:16:33 GMT

Since I’m one of only a few people home during the day in our neighborhood, I’m extra cautious. I don’t open the door to anyone when home alone.

I also no longer take appts. from clients to come to my home jewelry studio unless I know them or recommended by a friend.

We also added a panic button to our alarm system which is linked to the police station.

Unfortunately, the world around us has changed. We lock our cars if left in the driveway, don’t leave any pkgs. in plain sight while shopping & I no longer go in areas at night where I’d have to walk in a dark parking lot to my car.

Yes, it stinks. Staying safe is always on my mind.

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

CrazyDaisy — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 12:17:29 GMT

@chiclet wrote:
I can honestly say I am clueless. I trust no one anymore. When I occasionally let my guard down and think "What a nice person" I usually am dissappointed. This man called about my home for sale and we talked. He was older and very nice. I told him about a house for sale down the street since mine had just sold. He called me many times and the people down the street with questions about the area etc. since he lived many hours away. I enjoyed talking to him and thought he was such a nice man. He made an appt to see home and then did not show up or cancel appt. The owner called him and he will not return call. He must have called me 7 or 8 times and her probably as much wasting our time. I had no reason to talk to him but just wanted to help him in his relocation process. I can understand if he decided the neighborhood or area was not for him but no cancellation or thanking us for our time spend on the phone trying to help him. What is wrong with people....

There could be a very good explanation why you have not heard from him. Why automatically put him down when he may actually need your prayers.

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

Bri63 — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 12:20:35 GMT

Yes, I have a good inner sense about trusting people.

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

NicksmomESQ — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 12:37:16 GMT

Yes, I am.However, these days I trust no one.If you come to my door unless I know you you will not get in.If you call me & I don’t recognize your number I will not answer the phone.

The other day I was at the mailbox & a young man approached me.He asked if he could see my home because he was interested in buying a townhouse in my development.I refered him to the management company & left.I thought about how 20 years ago I would gladly have showed him around.Times have changed & so have I.It’s unfortunate,but it is what it is.

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

Financialgrl — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 12:41:26 GMT

In my case, I wouldn't call it a good judge of character as much as my sense of perception. Due to life experiences I've always been cynical/skeptical about ppl, their stories, etc. And in my case there are not many things I'm good at but when it comes to figuring out ppl or situations, my first impression is rarely ever wrong.

Recent example - my brother's daughter got engaged 2 years ago and this was the year they were to be married. From the moment I met him I out and out didn't like him. I'd hear things I considered "red flags" and told my sister. Her fiance was verbally abusive and more than once I was waiting for him to hit her. Everyone else always said this was just "him kidding" or "that's just the relationship they have". They moved 2 hours away and within 5 months she packed up and left - bc though he never hit her, his verbal abuse got worse and worse. My sister recently said - "wow, you sure had him pegged".

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

Imaoldhippie — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 12:42:18 GMT

I did not used to be because I took everyone at face value and trusted everyone. Through years and years of being hurt, taken advantage of, lied to, stolen from, left high and dry,etc, etc. I have finally learned my lesson. I trust NO ONE and take my time before I decided to like or not, and I do not get close to anyone anymore. I now have acquaintances and very, very few friends.

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

Yahooey — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:00:15 GMT

@Financialgrl wrote:
In my case, I wouldn't call it a good judge of character as much as my sense of perception. Due to life experiences I've always been cynical/skeptical about ppl, their stories, etc. And in my case there are not many things I'm good at but when it comes to figuring out ppl or situations, my first impression is rarely ever wrong.

Recent example - my brother's daughter got engaged 2 years ago and this was the year they were to be married. From the moment I met him I out and out didn't like him. I'd hear things I considered "red flags" and told my sister. Her fiance was verbally abusive and more than once I was waiting for him to hit her. Everyone else always said this was just "him kidding" or "that's just the relationship they have". They moved 2 hours away and within 5 months she packed up and left - bc though he never hit her, his verbal abuse got worse and worse. My sister recently said - "wow, you sure had him pegged".

@Financialgrl

Once separated from family bc of distance - he can control everything. Little by little, bit by bit. From who you can associate with or tall to etc. I hope you or your brother keep the lines of communication open and she can always feel free to confine without judgement. She should neve feel alone.

I have a friend whose DH is very controlling - it gets worse as the years go on. She is waiting for her daughter to graduate and then get out of the marriage.

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

Financialgrl — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:07:02 GMT

@Yahooey wrote:

@Financialgrl

Once separated from family bc of distance - he can control everything. Little by little, bit by bit. From who you can associate with or tall to etc. I hope you or your brother keep the lines of communication open and she can always feel free to confine without judgement. She should neve feel alone.

I have a friend whose DH is very controlling - it gets worse as the years go on. She is waiting for her daughter to graduate and then get out of the marriage.

@Yahooey That's not a problem; however, I think this niece's only goal is to be married. She got married at 17 and that lasted all of about 9 months. I think she's in love with being in love and sadly, bad decisions and choices are her way of life.

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

Shanus — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:13:42 GMT

@Imaoldhippie wrote:
I did not used to be because I took everyone at face value and trusted everyone. Through years and years of being hurt, taken advantage of, lied to, stolen from, left high and dry,etc, etc. I have finally learned my lesson. I trust NO ONE and take my time before I decided to like or not, and I do not get close to anyone anymore. I now have acquaintances and very, very few friends.

@Imaoldhippie Sorry you’ve had those experiences.

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

Imaoldhippie — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:25:23 GMT

Thank you, a lot of them happened because I made bad decisions and others were not.

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

QVCkitty1 — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:27:35 GMT

I like to think that I am, but we can all be fooled. A few years ago I was looking for someone to mow my lawn and trim bushes. He was just starting out and showed me his business plan, all typed out, etc. Anyway I had a good feeling about him. Long story short, he did a lousy job and when I wouldn't agree to more services such as pressure washing, he disappeared along with my lawn mower. I found out later he had been fired from a local restaurant for stealing. Trust , but verify.

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

Lipstickdiva — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:32:54 GMT

Yes I am. My friends and family have often commented on my innate sense to judge someone after meeting them. I don't know what it is but I can talk to someone for a very short period of time and I just sense what type of person they are.

Rarely am I off the mark.

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

qualitygal — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:42:10 GMT

Today, I no longer trust people the way I use to. Too obvious in today's world. That is what is a shame (among other things) in this world today.

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

Deanie — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 13:56:01 GMT

I have read these responses and many of the posters bemoan the fact that they have been snookered. Others have lamented that it is no longer as it used to be. I would challenge those assumptions by saying years of history indicated that it was never as it used to be. We were the ones brainwashed to believe it was different. Years of human history show that one needs good survival skills and that includes using our sixth sense in situations. Unfortunately, for us, we have been led down a garden path so to speak of the wrong direction. The self preservation that was built into our DNA of survival was suppressed from various and sundry sources and we were told all people were good. Not so the case. Hence, this results in our being victims due to the fact we disregard our instincts or disappointed in human nature. It is called cognitive dissonance.

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

Cakers3 — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 14:02:24 GMT

@chiclet wrote:
I can honestly say I am clueless. I trust no one anymore. When I occasionally let my guard down and think "What a nice person" I usually am dissappointed. This man called about my home for sale and we talked. He was older and very nice. I told him about a house for sale down the street since mine had just sold. He called me many times and the people down the street with questions about the area etc. since he lived many hours away. I enjoyed talking to him and thought he was such a nice man. He made an appt to see home and then did not show up or cancel appt. The owner called him and he will not return call. He must have called me 7 or 8 times and her probably as much wasting our time. I had no reason to talk to him but just wanted to help him in his relocation process. I can understand if he decided the neighborhood or area was not for him but no cancellation or thanking us for our time spend on the phone trying to help him. What is wrong with people....

@chiclet Maybe he died.

Re: Are you a good judge of character?

Spurt — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 14:14:05 GMT

@chiclet

I am normally suspcious, but since this guy was older and he called so regularly maybe something happened to him health wise---maybe he had a stroke or a heart attack, or maybe he has mental issues and it's a fantasy about him buying a home and hes also lonely, and maybe a caregiver found out what he was doing and told him to stop calling people because he wasnt buying a house........